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bridal shower dilemma
Ok, here's a doozy for you. I need some advice. I'll probably DD later.
My trailer park cousin is getting married. He and his gf RSVP'd to mine and did not show up. I was FUMED and still am. He asked to be my friend on FB about a year ago and I was like hell no. He was at the family head table and I had went through hell and back to make the seating arrangements work, displacing some of my other family members. It was a mess. I probably should have known he was trash and wouldn't show. My aunt had even facebooked me like two weeks before and asked when the final headcount was due because he was still deciding, although he had sent in his RSVP. I do feel bad for the kid A. because his Mom (my aunt) has been married 3 times and he did have it a bit rough growing up, had some issues here and there. But I also do not feel bad because he has not held a job in about 7 years and lives off his gf and her Mom. He's 27. He also got my grandpa to co-sign a car loan that he promptly defaulted on. Apparently he's paid a bit of it back but I also heard he asked my grandparents to also pay for his wedding. My family is just disgusted with him but I love my aunt and I don't want to hurt her.
So I would definitely not go to his wedding, nor would I ever send a gift to his wedding. Frankly, he owes ME money. I am still seriously bitter about it, don't effing RSVP if you just don't feel like coming and not follow-up. He also does not come to any family get-togethers for the past few years. His fiance was at Easter a year ago but he didn't come, thankfully.
Flash-forward to yesterday, I got a bridal shower invite in the mail for his fiance. The registries fell out like confetti - there are 5. They are getting nothing from me as far as a wedding gift, but would you send a gift for the shower? His fiance was at mine and went in on a gift with my aunt (whether or not she paid for it, I have no idea).
If someone invites me to something, I send them a card or gift. I'm just like that. My Mom isn't going to go either and she said she is going to send a gift, nothing big. She's pissed at the situation too, but she doesn't want to hurt my aunt (her SIL).
Do I even owe them a gift though? What would you do?
Re: bridal shower dilemma
If I were you I would either be above it and send a small gift or send nothing and be ok with being talked about and possibly hurting a few feelings. I don't think either option is bad, it's just a matter of what you're more comfortable with.
I would definitely not go. If my mom was going to send a gift anyway, I'd probably give my mom $20 and tell her to sign my name to the card.
I have a cousin that doesn't respond to rsvps so when I got his wedding invite in the mail, I didn't send the rsvp back either - basically, I stooped to his level, but it felt good.
So in this case it would cross my mind to rsvp yes and not show, but in the end (because I'd feel too guilty) I would rsvp no and not send a gift.
DD: 6-24-11
EDD: 9-20-14
Great advice, thanks gals. The more I got thinking about it, the more annoyed I keep getting. I feel like they have some nerve even inviting me. There was never an I'm sorry or a reason for not showing to my wedding, they didn't acknowledge it whatsoever. I haven't talked to them since. And now they want to invite me to a party to celebrate their impending marriage? NO EFFING WAY.
I don't want to offend my aunt, so I think I may take Amy#'s advice and go with the give $20 to my Mom and have her put my name on the card. That's smart. I may just have my Mom put it on there anyway and still have her send a $20 gift. From the two of us. Heh.
And they are getting married on my bday! I should send back my response with "Sorry, can't make it. It's my birthday." LOL
Someone from DH's family sent back the RSVP for our wedding and wrote "Maybe" and put a little line next to it so they could put a check mark there.
I think this would be an appropriate RSVP in your situation.
I had a no show (+guest) at my wedding and afterwards there was no explanation, gift, acknowledgement, etc. You can bet your ass if they invited me to anything of theirs I would not go or send a gift.
If your mom is cool like that and will throw your name on her gift without you paying for it, I'd do that. Otherwise I'd do nothing.
My little nuggets
I'd like to think this is the case, but I highly doubt it. The guy hasn't held a job in 7 years and lives off of his fiance's Mom and govn't assistance. She's probably paying for the wedding, which he will have no idea what it will cost nor will he give two shiits. All he'll be worried about is the gifts he's getting. Same with his fiance with her 5 registries. I'm being debbie downer but it's hard not to because he's such a loser.
Speaking of which, I am totally going to registry stalk now and judge.