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Differences of opinion
Hello, my DH and I have a lot of mutual friends. We like going out in groups with them to dinners and movies and other events pretty often (at least once a week). I like hanging out with them and we always have a good time.
The "question" I have is that I love to cook and have people over, while DH does not. I enjoy being a hostess, while he doesn't like people coming to our house. I'm not really sure why, I mean, I understand if the house is messy or if we aren't making enough food to feed everyone why he wouldn't want anyone to visit. But no matter what the circumstances are, he just doesn't like having friends or family over. This is so frustrating to me because before we were married I would always host dinners at my house and everyone really enjoyed them. We just celebrated our one-year anniversary(yesterday) and everyone keeps asking me when we're going to have everyone over. I was wanting to see if DH would be alright with inviting friends over this weekend for dinner and games at our place, but I don't know how to bring it up, since I know he probably won't want to.
Any suggestions on how to break the ice?
Thanks!
Re: Differences of opinion
we need to come to a compromise on how often we entertain in our home
Have you asked him why he doesn't like people coming over?
I know my DH doesn't like it because he feels like it's stressful for me (and therefore him) that I clean like crazy before, cook like a madwoman, and clean afterward. He doesn't get it and would rather just go out with friends. Plus I always spend a fortune getting new serving pieces to go with my theme
Rather than saying "I want to have everybody over!" can you start small with one or two couples to ease him into it? It's overwhelming to think it's going to be a huge thing when you know he doesn't like the idea of having people over.
74 books read in 2011
I'm betting he sees it as either a lot of work or a lot money. Or he's an extreme introvert and doesn't like the idea of his private home being invaded by people. Either way, there has to be a compromise. I like the idea of starting small with one or two couples. If it's a cost thing, make it pot-luck. If it's stress, buy half the meal and don't go overboard on decorations or anything.
There's no way I would completely shut out my home to my friends but I'd have to find a way to make DH comfortable with it. First, you need to find out what makes him uncomfortable.
Our Share of the Harvest:How a couple cooks from a CSA share. Pick Up Day Week 15
This. We can't tell you what is issue is, you have to ask him.
If it's money, do pot luck.
If it's the work, order pizza the first time.
If it's the space, agree to limit people to 1-2 more "public" rooms in the house.
My hubz doesn't like people staying super late, so maybe that's it, too. Just ask him why, and go from there.