need your input (long)

artsake

I'm starting to think about what to do with Cassidy when I go into labor.  A little background:  my parents live 4 and a half hours away and Brian's live 2 and a half.

So far we've decided that when the time comes to go to the hospital, we'll call our close friends who also have a toddler and one of them will come over to be with Cass.  If it's the middle of the night, they'll hang out till morning, if it's the day, they'll probably take her over to their house to hang out.  Now, at this point (or soon after delivery) we would probably call our parents to let them know. 

Last time, they both left super early the next morning and came to see us in the hospital.  They only hung around that day and drove home that night.  About two weeks later, they spent multiple days with us around Christmas and we were more relaxed and it was much more enjoyable.

This time we're not sure if we should, A. invite them all to visit and meet the new baby, but have them return home that same day, B. should have one set stay at the house with Cassidy while I'm in the hospital and either stay on a few days afterwards too or return home when I do, C. take Cassidy home with them (after she's met the baby) and have a few days "vacation" to give Brian and I time alone with the baby.  Or D. any combination of the above.

So...  what do you think?  What do you think we'll want to do?  I'm pretty sure both sets would do whatever we ask them to.  Oh!  If she stays home, daycare would also still be available.  Would this be a good option since it would set her routine and therefore help her adjust to the new baby?

Thanks, ladies!

PeterJudesMommy

I vote for B.  One of the things I read that really stuck with me is that after the baby is born, if your older child wants you - you put the baby down (or give to someone else) and spend a minute or two with her.  That's especially true for when she comes to the hospital to meet the baby - put the baby down once she walks in the room and spend a minute or two with her before she meets the baby.  It lets her know that she's still incredibly important to you, and will let her see that in no way has she been replaced.  I'm not saying you can't do option C, but for me, I really didn't want Peter to have any issues with the baby (not that he necessarily would, but ugh, this isn't coming out right) and I felt like if my ILs took him to their house, he would view it as being "sent away".  That's coming out way too harsh, but I'm hoping you know what I mean!

sethsgal05

Don't send her to the grandparents house...In theory a few days of 'vacation' at grandma's would be fun but not when the baby is born. B looks like the best option to me.

artsake

PeterJudesMommy:

I vote for B.  One of the things I read that really stuck with me is that after the baby is born, if your older child wants you - you put the baby down (or give to someone else) and spend a minute or two with her.  That's especially true for when she comes to the hospital to meet the baby - put the baby down once she walks in the room and spend a minute or two with her before she meets the baby.  It lets her know that she's still incredibly important to you, and will let her see that in no way has she been replaced.  I'm not saying you can't do option C, but for me, I really didn't want Peter to have any issues with the baby (not that he necessarily would, but ugh, this isn't coming out right) and I felt like if my ILs took him to their house, he would view it as being "sent away".  That's coming out way too harsh, but I'm hoping you know what I mean!

definitely!  this is exactly what i'm asking.  i need to know what would be best for cass, for us, and for the grandparents.

micheleNYC

Yep, I vote B - I wanted Ben around as much as possible. We actually had someone watch Ben that day and then jerred went home with Ben that night while I stayed at the hospital with Maddy. It was what we needed - Ben needed to have at least one of us there, to know he wasn't being replaced, etc. And I wanted him there. He came to visit the first night when M was born and spent about 4 hours with us at the hospital. He couldn't come back b/c M went to the NICU and no child visitors, but Jerred stayed with him each night and he went to daycare during the day like normal. Then Jerred came to see us at the hospital while Ben was at daycare, etc.

cyko21

We had my mom fly up to stay w/ us. She was actually here for 3 weeks. And then my sister came for a week. Not that you want people around for that long. My situation is a little weird. I was 3cm at my 36 week apt. so my mom flew up the next morning. I went into labor 6 days later. Wes was at work, so my mom, Em and I drove to the hospital and Wes met us there. We got all settled in my room and my mom took Em home. Wes went home after C was born to put Em to bed and then came back to the hospital for the night. My mom and C came to the hospital in the morning and Wes met them downstairs and brought them up to my room. C was in the room but in the bassinet.  That night Wes spent the night at home, putting Em to bed again ect. The next morning he came back to pick C and I up to go home. I would have your parents come and stay for a few days. It'll help. 

smbd

J stayed with my parents from the day I went in to have N, until the day I came home. I went in on Monday, my parents brought J up to see me/N on Tuesday - they stepped back while J met her sister before they met N, but the situation was a little different b/c we were in the NICU & not a patient room. J did AMAZING every time she visited the NICU.

so yeah, anyway. J stayed at my parents house, but they live all of 5 minutes from us and she spends a lot of time there anyway (not overnight, but in general). DH spent time there too, but came home at night and left J there (mostly b/c we didn't know when N was coming home/if there'd be repeat hospitalizations and we'd need J to be comfortable spending the night elsewhere).

With your parents being oos, I'd ask one of them to come in asap if you're in labor (or get induced for whatever reason) and to stay for a few days. they can always go home after you get home and then come back for an extended stay later.

weddingbellenyc

B!

DomsMom09

I would not send her on "vacation" for a few days, but the other thing is I wouldn't want my parents to stick around when we get home either.  It takes time to have everyone adjust to being a family of 4, not just Cassidy.  You all need your space and time to get used to your new life.  I would have your parents or IL's leave the day you come back from the hospital and then come back for a longer visit in a few weeks when you are settled into a routine. Cassidy should have life be as close to normal for her as possible, and having her grandparents around for a while might throw her even further off track, since toddlers are such creatures of habit. Her life shouldn't be totally disrupted and should have some sort of consistency. 

tmp-147965562503741

definitely keep things as normal as possible for her.  my parents stayed with A at our house while we were in the hospital, but brought her after school on the afternoon L was born to meet him and have dinner with us, and then the next day for a few hours both before and after her nap.  she went back to school on monday as normal (he was born on a friday), and i picked her up as normal -- i had a really quick recovery, luckily! -- while DH stayed home with L for the 30 minutes or so that i was gone.  we were completely back into our normal routine right away... i second the idea of having your parents leave when you guys get home and coming back up the next week or whatever, once you've figured things out a bit for yourselves.  also, DH went home to put her to bed each night and then came back to stay with me at the hospital after.

artsake

thanks!  this is exactly why i asked!  very helpful.