I need advice.

kaesha

One of my many, many flaws (especially when it comes to work) is that I overextend myself and then find myself in a total panic. It happens every year, but I just keep plowing through it.

Today, I find myself very close to a panic attack, which is somewhere I haven't been in the better part of a decade. Seriously, I feel like throwing up, I'm so stressed out.

After calling social services last week, I was pretty upset. I won't lie, I hate that the parents of this student are so rubish. I hate what they're doing to her life. But, I also realized that I don't think I can emotionally carry any more of her burden... and that scares me. She talks, because she needs someone to listen... but I don't feel like I can do that anymore. I'm expending SO much energy on her, and then what's left over on the rest of my students, that I don't have any left for myself. And I feel like that makes me a terrible person. My principal is encouraging me to tell her that I can't listen to her anymore, but I'm scared of what that might do to her. I don't want to make things any worse, and I don't know what'll happen if she feels like she's got no one left.

I was hoping going back to Ottawa over the weekend would give me a chance to refuel, but it didn't. Instead I put on the three pounds I'd lost over the last two weeks and came back crankier than I'd gone.

So - how do you fill yourself up? How do you take time to recharge? Any advice for someone whose battery is empty but still has to function? 

eouellet

I'm sorry you're so stressed   I don't blame you, that sounds like an awful situation for everyone involved.

I really rely on yoga (REAL yoga, lol) to keep me grounded and stress free.  It calms me in a way nothing else can.

Instead of just telling this student you can't be her confidante anymore, could you explain to her that while you care about her immensely, you think that she would better benefit from speaking to a professional? Perhaps the school has outside counseling resources or referrals, if she doesn't feel comfortable confiding in your in-school counselor?

Good luck, and just remember that while it is great to be there for your students, YOU need to come first when it comes to your health.  I am a firm believer that stress leads to all sorts of other health problems.

Leo713

Kaesha I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this.  I agree with eoulette though that yoga is a great help to calm and center yourself.  If and when you do have the conversation with this girl, I think it's key to offer another resource so she doesn't feel like she has no one to go to.  Not that you can't handle it, but this is something some people are specifically trained to manage, so it would be better for all parties for her to be speaking to a counselor, IMO.

 

raynes

I agree with the other ladies, yoga (both the "real" and "Aug09" kind :P) could help you at least find some peace/strength for now.

I commend you for wanting to help this girl (and really would expect no less from you) but maybe it is time to sort of hand her off.  Maybe you can still keep talking to her, but see if you can transfer some of the "heavy" stuff to someone else.

Are there any other areas where you can cut back/ask for help?

kaesha

I wish I could hand her off, but our school social workers are refusing to take any more cases. I have managed to get her to start talking to our in school guidance counsellor (that was last week's main achievement), but that doesn't stop her from seeking me out too. There is no more help other than the counsellor and me. And when she goes to high school next year... she's going to get lost in the crowd because she won't seek out the help because she feels like she's turning on her family.

Yoga sounds like a very, very good idea. I'm going to look into it this weekend.

snoopy3319

It sounds like your school could use some better resources for counseling if the social workers can't take any more cases. I didn't realize it was something that could fill up at a school. Is there a way you could lead her to someone outside of the school to help her out? I'm so sorry you have this weight on your shoulders. I'm sure it can't be easy.

I have to agree with the others that yoga helped me tremendously, even once a week. It got me recentered and ready for the rest of the week. I also find a nice hot bath with candles, soothing scents and a good CD playing is really good. Just lock the door and try to drown things out for about 30 minutes at least. If you can get your hands on a hot tub, those are helpful, too. I also find it helpful to make a schedule for everything. Then I know that I've scheduled free time for just myself, and I don't have to worry that I should be using that time for something else. 

kaesha

Yep, it's sad. Resources are always limited... but in this case, I think it's mostly it's buereaucratic. The paperwork is a PITA and we have 3 weeks left in the school year for the grade 9s. They wouldn't be able to process it in time. They were offered the support back in February, but the mum refused so our hands are tied. Hopefully child services will set her up with a worker, but they won't actually tell us what they're doing (it's confidential).

 

cortneyloo

I'm sorry you're so stressed and I hope you find some relief soon. I know it's hard to have someone unload on you and it can bring you down so much emotionally when you already have a lot on your plate, but you have to be very tactful about the words you use with this child. Whatever you say you don't want it to be interpreted by her as "my teacher doesn't want to deal with me anymore and if she doesn't care about me who will?" I wouldn't tell her it's because you can't handle it, I would explain to her that you want to make sure she utilizes the best resource possible to handle her situation and make sure she gets help.

 As for how to relieve stress, working out of any kind is great. Yoga focuses on relaxation technique but a good workout releases endorphins that make you feel better as well. Also do something you enjoy. Cooking, crafting, any activity you like that can take your mind off your feelings of being overwhelmed.

ring_pop

That sounds really tough to deal with, sorry you're going through that kaesha. I sometimes emotionally overload myself with my friends' silly relationship problems; taking on the burden of real, serious issues with a child must be 100x worse.

I think my stress relief is actually choir. I know I complain about how busy it makes me, but actually I usually find myself leaving rehearsal feeling refreshed. I think the breathing and singing has a physical effect, but of course the music also has an amazing effect on body and soul. In any case, it can just be an activity that's completely different from your work life. Yoga sounds like a really good idea.

You can come over any time you like to snuggle with Mr. S!