WDYT?

Tarah716

On 89X this morning they were discussing an email one of their listeners sent in.  What is your take on this?

(It's from the husband)

He and his wife have been married for three years and just combined their bank accounts.  He has paid off his current car and now wants to get a new car that he said will take about four years to pay off.  His wife said it's too expensive and he needs to look at a less expensive car.  He wanted to know if his wife has the right to veto a purchase like this.  

kjewell

Um...yes his wife can veto a purchase like that.  That big of a purchase needs to be mutually agreed upon.

janedoe09

We would talk about it. We splurge on some things but definitely would not buy a car without the others approval. He sounds like a d-bag IMO.

kzoomaggie

I think that if the wife is uncomfortable with such a big purchase, they at least need to have a conversation about it.  I cannot imagine my husband would blatantly do something, like buy a new car, that he knew I wasn't completely comfortable with.

babya2010

janedoe09:

We would talk about it. We splurge on some things but definitely would not buy a car without the others approval. He sounds like a d-bag IMO.

This. Sharing a bank account has nothing to do with it either, but he makes it sound like it does.

Mrs.CFH2

We are very traditional in the money sense.  Thank goodness since I don't have a job right now   I mean...you know, a non-mom job.  Anyway, we ALWAYS discuss purchases.  Even small ones. 

vitaminc28

babya2010:

janedoe09:

We would talk about it. We splurge on some things but definitely would not buy a car without the others approval. He sounds like a d-bag IMO.

This. Sharing a bank account has nothing to do with it either, but he makes it sound like it does.

Exactly!  Just like I would not make a big purchase without us agreeing, I would expect the same from DH.  A car is a big purchase and maybe he is being a bit of a brat about it.  Hard to tell from just that email. I mean, is he trying to buy a Ford Fusion or a Mercedes. That would help decide who was being unreasonable.

MrsGlitteryHooks

Of course she has the right. I would side eye any man who didn't think his wife had a right to question him- this isn't some far off land where women are secondary.

We've had this discussion before in our home about why H doesn't need a $40,000 F150 when gas prices are $4 a gallon and he's going full time to Walsh for a Bachelors Degree ($$$$$$$$$) and we already have a $350 car payment and pretty much nothing saved up in the "Car Fund". I've had to tell him "Sorry,Buddy- because a 2002 Mazda isn't what a Manager should drive isn't a valid reason"

Mere7706

kjewell:

Um...yes his wife can veto a purchase like that.  That big of a purchase needs to be mutually agreed upon.

^^^this^^^

boogerbearoriginal

Ditto everyone else - of course his wife has a say in how much they spend on a new car. Plus, and correct me if I'm wrong, but if he's financing a car wouldn't she be 'on the hook' for the purchase since they are married?

Either way, IMO this is a no-brainer and I cannot believe he would question that his wife would have a say in the matter.  Every couple has different spending thresholds that would warrant a discussion, but I'm pretty sure a new car isn't something most normal people would buy without talking to their spouse first.

It sounds like they have issues with joint financial decisions, which is probably why they avoided combining accounts for 3 years.

MrsB1021

I heard that this morning too.  I like how Dave, Chuck and Lisa were all like, um, welcome to marriage, lol.

There is no way either of us would just go out and buy a $40k vehicle without discussing it with the other person.  Hell, there's no way I'd go out and buy a $2k lens without discussing it with DH.

fruitiepye

Senior H in this instance sounds like big baby. HELLO... welcome to marriage which is team decision making. Marriage is not "Ugh, me big man. Ugh, me pay off car. Ugh me buy new car. Ugh woman no say. Ugh. {caveman beats chest}"

Unless it's a x-mas/b-day gift, I would consult DH if I spent more than a couple hundred dollars on something.

 

mary811

DH and I combined accounts before marriage, we are pretty old school when it comes to money.  she can express her concerns about an expensive car, but they should talk about it and come to a mutual decision.  I wasn't a fan of the car that DH choose, but it had to be discussed first. 

I don't think the wife has the right to veto, the couple should communicate and come to a mutual decision.

scarywife1026

I agree with all of the above. He sounds like a jacka$$.

lilnephie

mary811:

DH and I combined accounts before marriage, we are pretty old school when it comes to money.  she can express her concerns about an expensive car, but they should talk about it and come to a mutual decision.  I wasn't a fan of the car that DH choose, but it had to be discussed first. 

I don't think the wife has the right to veto, the couple should communicate and come to a mutual decision.

I don't think she has the right to veto, but I think she has the right to question the value of the purchase.  I think that if she wants to veto the decision then she needs to have some solid proof of why.  She needs to sell her case.  "I don't want you too" is not good enough.  If they can't afford it, and she knows it then she will need to show him.

DH are not as traditional with our money, we keep just about everything separate.  I don't consult him on every purchase.  As long as I know our bills are paid for, we paid our savings accounts, and we are fed...whatever is left over is for me to do with what I please.  I have made MANY large purchases w/out husbands "permission"  (including a $5K ATV) and he has done the same.  Money is the least of our issues.  I also don't think we are a-holes for doing so.