Dead Beat Dads.....(Vent)

Tygress_Luv111908

Yea i have one for my daughter! I have applied for Child support and was granted. I just called to check on the status of what is going on and they have not heard anything else so the girl is sending another enforcement status request to see what is going on. he was supposed to be doing a course on learning how to get a job or something crazy like that. He knows how to get a job. He just never gets any that are on the books! He is now about 7 months behind! How great it would be if i got that whole lump sum right now! I could so use the money!

weezie825

I am so sorry that you are going through this.  My aunt had a similar problem.  Her ex had his own handy-man business and made sure that there was never any income to be taken by child support enforement.  Every few months he'd get hauled to jail for non-payment of support and he'd have to pay a certain amount of arrears to get out of jail.  Somehow he always came up with just enough to get himself out.  On and on the cycle went.  (This was in a different state, I don't know if MD will pick someone up for non-payment of support.)

Good luck getting it worked out.

Tygress_Luv111908

What state was it? Her father is in Ohio now so it is an Intra-state case! So they have to send a message to Ohio then wait for Ohio to do what they have to do then send their reply! Its like 3 months that they get for it! Its just crazy!!!! I will be calling back in a month or so to see if they have heard anything yet! I hate waiting the 3 months! What is redic is that he has another child now! Another daughter and the mother told me that she would make sure that he paid his child support to help support his daughter because she knew what i was going through cuz she went through it with her other kids father!!!!!! Yea that didnt happen either! I honestly didnt expect it to but had a little hope that maybe she would! Guess she is as bad as him or she wised up and left him too! I tell you my parents and aunt and uncle were so glad to come pack me up and move me home when i made the call! haha

weezie825

She and her ex were both in NJ.  I think it helped that they lived pretty near each other.  Every 6 months or so she could call the police office and tell him where he was and they would go pick him up.

 

 

lauraoct10th

That really sucks.  My sister has a dead beat they live in Ks.  She learned never to count on that money.  So when it shows up yippy! When it doesnt which is more often then she just marks in down in her divorce journal.

He is fighting her on everything and real PITA.

Cooper81

Yea, my dad is a dead beat dad (well my real one, not the one that I refer to as my dad-who is really my step-dad but always who I consider my dad).  When my mom asked for a divorce he told her "you'll never get a penny from me."  So in his quest to be a vindictive azz to my mom, he never considered that he SHOULD be providing for his 2 daughters that he claims to love so much.  The only time my mom got any money was when I told her his address when I was 13 (which was the only time I ever had an address and my parents divorced when I was 5), the PA police arrested him and in a deal to get him out my lovely (read enabling azzhat) uncle worked out a deal to give my mom $10,000 and then my dad made some payment agreement that he never intended to follow through with.  So my mom has only ever recieved $10,000 (which my uncle fronted) for 2 daughters for over 18 years of money owed.  It sucks, but, with the exception of one time, we have only known the general area of the country my dad lives in.  I know he lives by the skin of his teeth and takes odd jobs that don't require him to give his SSN.  This is a man that worked for Senator Warner of VA, worked for the RNC and Regan when he was running for governor of CA.  He threw all of that away to get back at my mom for asking for a divorce because he was mentally abusive, and slew of other problems that I wont get into.

But yea, it sucks that these dead beats can't get it through their head the money they provide feeds their child, it blows my mind that you can claim to love someone so much and not give a crap in the world if they are being fed or clothed properly, if they are going to a good daycare, etc.  Can you tell this is sore spot for me?

Tygress_Luv111908

Cooper81:

Yea, my dad is a dead beat dad (well my real one, not the one that I refer to as my dad-who is really my step-dad but always who I consider my dad).  When my mom asked for a divorce he told her "you'll never get a penny from me."  So in his quest to be a vindictive azz to my mom, he never considered that he SHOULD be providing for his 2 daughters that he claims to love so much.  The only time my mom got any money was when I told her his address when I was 13 (which was the only time I ever had an address and my parents divorced when I was 5), the PA police arrested him and in a deal to get him out my lovely (read enabling azzhat) uncle worked out a deal to give my mom $10,000 and then my dad made some payment agreement that he never intended to follow through with.  So my mom has only ever recieved $10,000 (which my uncle fronted) for 2 daughters for over 18 years of money owed.  It sucks, but, with the exception of one time, we have only known the general area of the country my dad lives in.  I know he lives by the skin of his teeth and takes odd jobs that don't require him to give his SSN.  This is a man that worked for Senator Warner of VA, worked for the RNC and Regan when he was running for governor of CA.  He threw all of that away to get back at my mom for asking for a divorce because he was mentally abusive, and slew of other problems that I wont get into.

But yea, it sucks that these dead beats can't get it through their head the money they provide feeds their child, it blows my mind that you can claim to love someone so much and not give a crap in the world if they are being fed or clothed properly, if they are going to a good daycare, etc.  Can you tell this is sore spot for me?

 

Yea he doesnt even do this! He has not seen her in about 5 1/2 years (and shes 6) and has only talked to her a few times when he decided to call me. He claims that she is not even his. You can look at her and his son who is a few years older and has a different mother and tell they are related!!!!! I mean come on now!!! He is just a serious piece of work! I really should have listened to people that told me he was no good! But nope i had to stay with him! But hey if i didnt i wouldnt have my beautiful baby girl!

weezie825

Have you considered asking him to terminate his parental rights?  While it is true that he wouldn't jhave to pay you child support it sounds like you aren't getting that anyway.  And if something were to happen to you he couldn't swoop in and take your LO just to be a vindictive a-hole.

My sister eventually got her eldest son's bio-dad terminate his rights so that her husband could adopt him. 

Tygress_Luv111908

weezie825:

Have you considered asking him to terminate his parental rights?  While it is true that he wouldn't jhave to pay you child support it sounds like you aren't getting that anyway.  And if something were to happen to you he couldn't swoop in and take your LO just to be a vindictive a-hole.

My sister eventually got her eldest son's bio-dad terminate his rights so that her husband could adopt him. 

 

I have thought about it and may actually end up doing it. DH and I have actually discussed him adopting her and she is all about it! She always asks why my last name  changed but hers didnt. I believe that we have to be married for a year before that can even happen though because my daughters half brothers grandmom actually told me that his mom and step dad looked into it for him and that is what they found out. So i am not totally sure but something we will be looking into for sure!

Cooper81

My BIL just adopted his wifes son, they did not have to wait until a year of marriage. It took a tiny bit of coaxing(how sad is that) from his birth father to sign over his rights, but when SIL found out she was PG (this was 5 +years ago before BIL met her) he told her he wanted nothing to do with her or their son. They were married in April of last year and the adoption was finalized in the court in January/February and now my nephew shares the same last name as all of us

Tygress_Luv111908

Cooper81:

My BIL just adopted his wifes son, they did not have to wait until a year of marriage. It took a tiny bit of coaxing(how sad is that) from his birth father to sign over his rights, but when SIL found out she was PG (this was 5 +years ago before BIL met her) he told her he wanted nothing to do with her or their son. They were married in April of last year and the adoption was finalized in the court in January/February and now my nephew shares the same last name as all of us

 

Good to know. I will definitely have to look into it further!

FieryIrishAngel

My BIL adopted my niece and didn't have to go through any kind of waiting period after marriage.  I've never heard of that, and it sounds odd - you don't have to be married to have kids in the first place, so why would you be required to be married for a year before adopting your spouse's child?  I would certainly look into that and speak to a lawyer, not accept rumor-as-fact from someone who may have no idea what they're talking about.

weezie825

There is only a waiting period if the biological parent cannot be found in order to voluntarily terminate their rights.  My sister thought that she'd have to go that route because he son's dad was an addict and hadn't been heard from in years...  Basically you have to put a notice in the paper of largest circulation in the town of their last known address.  (I think the notice had to run for 30 or 60 days.)   You also have to file something at the courthouse.  Then you wait the prescribed amount of time. If the bio parent can't be found or doesn't come forward then the family court can terminate the rights of the bio parent without their consent.

In the end, my sister was able to track down her son's bio dad. So she didn't have to go through all that.

FieryIrishAngel

weezie825:

There is only a waiting period if the biological parent cannot be found in order to voluntarily terminate their rights.  My sister thought that she'd have to go that route because he son's dad was an addict and hadn't been heard from in years...  Basically you have to put a notice in the paper of largest circulation in the town of their last known address.  (I think the notice had to run for 30 or 60 days.)   You also have to file something at the courthouse.  Then you wait the prescribed amount of time. If the bio parent can't be found or doesn't come forward then the family court can terminate the rights of the bio parent without their consent.

This is true - my other sister would have had to go through this to have her son adopted by her second husband, because they have no idea where her ex-husband is.

KathrynMD

These stories are all pretty sad.  I'm so sorry so many of you have such intimate knowledge of how this process acts.  I'm constantly amazed at how many shitty parents there are, but happy to see that there are even more great ones. 

jcsntms06

Yesterday I looked at this post and I was going respond with something very similar to what Cooper wrote. My Dad was a dead beat Dad. My grandparents gained full custody of us (which is my Dad's parents) and all they asked for was for little bit of money. You have to understand is that both my grandparents were retired, living on a fixed income, when my brother and I went to live with them. My Dad some how got away with not paying the amount that was needed. I know that he owed at least $50,000 but did he pay that, NO! How he got around it, I'm not sure. Although when my Dad married the second time, and had a child, then divorced, my step mom did get the $ for my little brother.

To this day... I have a lot of trust issues with my father, even though I do see him here and there it's really not a true father-daughter relationship.