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confused
Okay I am a little confused on this situation, maybe you ladies could enlighten
Here is the backstory:
I have one sister who is currently 16. She has always been bad at school (bad grades, mouthing off to teachers, etc.) and everytime she goes home with bad grades she gets grounded- TV taken away, sometime cell phone not a huge deal. Thru out middle school she claimed that she was going to commit suicide and went to see a school counseler every day which she enjoyed. In the past she has also claimed that my dad has abused her physically and emotionally which i know for a fact is NOT true... She also ran away on Labor day weekend, and the police had to be called to find her. It seems all of the "episodes" were just for attention but why? It it just because it is a rough stage right now and she is a teenager? She is considered the "weird" kid at school, and VERY immature for her age. She also has a very low self esteem however she tries to act somewhat tough all of the time. With everything going on I thought maybe military school so she can respect authority because she definitely does not now. She definitely needs a therapist but what do you think? The suicide episode seemed to be fake as well. of course we took it seriously but it just didnt seem right. My sister and I have never really been close but this is making us farther apart. This has definitely sent a whirl on my parents since I was always the good kid and received the good grades. I am at a loss with her and so is everyone around her..
Re: confused
Thoughts of suicide are pretty normal (but still should be taken seriously) at that age. Hormone surges plus Middle school= bad times for both child and parents.
I remember having the thoughts that no one would miss me, everybody hates me, why not take a bottle of pills when I was in 5th and 6th grade (basically around the time my period started). I lacked the ability to process the emotions that the hormones were causing.
As to what to do, she needs a good therapist (because she is exhibiting other issues as well) and she needs her sister to be a friend and listen. My sisters were awesome and made the attempts to hang out with me and talk and basically treat me like a friend and not a little sister (they also weren't afraid to call me out though when I was being immature or ridiculous). Your sister might have something else going on that she isn't telling anyone (like she is being bullied, a learning or behavioral disability that has gone undiagnosed, or just being an angsty teen) and a good therapist should be able to figure out whats going on. Good luck!
To me the acting out/behaving badly sounds like a cry for attention. Other than the suicide threat and abuse accusations, I feel like a lot of the behavior is just the typical 'bad teenager' behavior. Hopefully she'll grow out of it or else seek counseling if she feels she needs it, but other than that, there really isn't anything you can do to make her change unless she wants to change. I don't think military school would help; if it were me and my family tried to send me to military school, I'd hate them forever and definitely run away before I went. You said the two of you have never been very close, do you think maybe spending some quality sister time with her would make a difference? I don't mean trying to give her advice or anything, just spending time with her, maybe lunch or a movie, keeping it light. Who knows, maybe she could just use a friend.
I'm not saying what she is doing is right, especially claiming she was abused or making fake suicide threats, but maybe she just doesn't want to fit into that 'good/perfect kid' mold and this is her way to try to make herself stand out and be different. My older brother went through a rough phase like this that lasted for a few years but now he is the most successful one of us. My younger stepbrother (who is now 21) was a horrible teenager and would get in so much trouble constantly, DUI's when he was 17, breaking into people's houses at 16, stealing prescription meds from family members and stealing out of our little brother's piggy bank when he was 15, etc, and finally he just grew up and grew out of that phase, and is now a hard working decent guy. Hopefully your sister's story will turn out the same way.
Its nice to see some different perspectives outside of the family, thank you! I really appreciate the feedback. It sounds like it might be just a phase hopefully. Yes I think you right about the military school, she would just resent it. I have tried to be the good older sister and take her to the movies, hang out, go shopping, out to dinner. It always seems to end in a fight or argument so I have backed away from it. Maybe I should try again? I feel as tho I am beating a dead horse per say..Right now she is just angry and it seems better to leave her alone. Maybe I am wrong