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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Re: Q. What is the opposite of punctuality? A. Me
First, I have a friend who is a lot like you. She runs late, she knows she does it, and she wishes she didn't.
But here's the thing- she's a teacher. She HAS TO BE AT work by a set time. She truly has no choice in the matter - and she does it. Every day.
So - it is possible for you to do it. But you obviously work in an office that while people may be annoyed by it, in the end, there are really no reprecussions for being late.
Second, to the point someone made about how they don't make plans w/ their sister becasue of this, and you commented that this would make you sad if that happened w/ your sister.
Here's the thing- it may not be obvious, but your lateness probably is affecting some of your friendships on some level. It may not be enough for you to realize it, but it's probably there.
My IL's are often obnoxiously late (1.5 hours to our wedding, 1 hour to a Fathers Day gathering, 45 mins to my mothers 60th b-day dinner). These days, 90% of our plans are made in an environment where it doesn't matter. As in- we eat meals in a lot w/ them. I pretty much refuse to go out to eat w/ them (especially when my family is involved too) because I refuse to sit in a restaurant for God knows how long waiting on them.
So, for example, we used to always all go out for Mothers Day. We no longer do. We always hold something at our house. MIL has commented about this. "Oh- we used to always go out! Why dont' we do this anymore? I like going out!".
She doesn't realize the 'why' behind it (and we learned years ago that it's pointless to even talk to them about it so we just ignore the comment), but she absolutely feels the ramifications of it.
We still see them, but not in the way we used to. Because of their inability to be on time. So.... while it may not be in your face apparent, your inability to be on time may be playing a role in some of your relationships that you just don't realize.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
There was a time when I ran routinely late. I thought like you that it "just happened", that I really had "tried" to be on time. I was embarrassed by my lateness but it just didn't seem to be something I could change.
Then I read an article that changed my life. I can't remember the name of it or the author but the jist of it was that habitual lateness has only 1 cause: Arrogance.
I was shocked. Me? Arrogant? Never! But as I read on (and as I read your post above), I saw that it was true.
Just look at what you said: "I do run late to things that have softer deadlines (work everyday, doctor's appointments, hair cuts, parties, etc.)." Those are soft deadlines for YOU, but what about the hairdresser whose whole day is now running behind because of YOU? Same goes for the doctor. Do your friends sit and wait by themselves at restaurants because you are late? Do you like sitting by yourself in a restaurant? I sure don't.
So whenever you are late, just think about how arrogant you are. It sucks and I am always on time now (even with 2 young kids to come up with some new event every single morning to slow me down) I am still on time for work (and everything else) every day.
Px
I"m with the pp's who say your tardiness is bullshiit--someone who is chronically late for EVERYTHING is making it all about her. Let's face it, odds are that if your tardiness were caused by outside factors, you'd be on time or early some of the time. The fact that you're late EVERY SINGLE DAY means that you're making it happen, one way or another, either consciously or unconsciously.
And ditto the arrogance thing--you're saying that all these other activities aren't as important as YOUR time, so everyone should have to wait for you.
With respect, how Coworker B parks or how Coworker A leaves dishes in the sink has no effect on you or your ability to get work done. When you cruise into work 20 minutes late every day you're not doing as much work as everyone else and they may be waiting on your input or answers to move forward with their own projects.
Additionally, 20 minutes a day adds up to 1.6 hours/week, and 86 hours/year - that's more than 2 weeks! If you're not hourly, it's incredibly unfair for you to think you should be able to in essence take that much extra PTO off, for free.
Sorry for coming down on you so hard but I've been dealing with this with one of my coworkers so it's a bit of a sore spot. To be honest though, I used to be like you - I used to be late a LOT. Then, I took a new job where I had to be there at a certain time and now it's just my new normal to start my day earlier and do what it takes to get here on time. So hang in there and hopefully soon you'll be on-time and less stressed.
DS1 born June 2008 | m/c at 9w March 2011 | DS2 born April 2012
I absolutely see a notion of arrogance to this. The person you have the appt with - their time isn't as important as yours. And every person after you - same thing, their time isn't important. Only your time because YOU'VE deemed that these aren't "real" deadlines and that you can take your time and get there whenever you want.
Something to think about....
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
This. I work in a healthcare field where you see the same patients for repeated follow up appointments and it burns me up when people are consistently late. It throws off my entire day and I hate being late seeing other patients just because of people's poor planning. I can understand that sometimes traffic is bad or something unexpected holds people up but when they are chronically late it just says to me that they don't value my time. Additionally, when I have a specific amount of time allotted for an appointment, say 1 hour, and the patient shows up even just 10-15 minutes late it means that the patient gets a lower quality of care because I have to either rush through things or cut out certain things all together. Just something to think about.
If you are not a morning person, you need to eliminate as much thought as humanly possible from your mornings. The night before your clothes need to be hanging in the bathroom, the lunch needs to be packed, shoes, purse, briefcase and gym bag sitting in front of the door. The only things you need to do is shower, dress and walk out the door.
I heard this once, and it stuck with me and helped me work on my punctuality. When you are late to something, you show that person that what you are doing is not that important to them as whatever you were doing. I don't think you want your job, or your coworkers, to feel like it is better for you to sleep than get to work on time. You sound like you really care about how people percieve you, but your actions have to speak to that care also, you know?
If traffic is an issue in your city provide yourself even more time, because if you were late then what you provided was not enough. It is ok if you get to work early because you left early to avoid traffic, you know?
I'm one of those "always running late" type of people. It's because I am not a morning person and rush in the mornings. But I'm never more than 5 minutes behind. My current boss doesn't care and I actually don't love my job. So yes, it's a motivation thing. I'm not an early bird to social functions in the evening, and get to movies right as they are starting. It's just who I am. Every minute is precious to me for different reasons at that time.
Everyone on TN can argue with me all day about the "excuses"... but I won't listen. I'm just comiserating with the OP... she is not alone.
Either you are going to accept me for who I am or it's not a friendship I desire.
I used to have this problem. My first job out of college had flex time and I took advantage of it, bad. People usually showed up to work between 7-9 am, and I would habitually show up between 9:30 - 10. Some coworkers didn't care and others would blatently say it annoyed them, but I didn't care. My boss had a tendency to be a late-morning starter and I would always stay late and work late every night. I actually moved up in the company because I did good work and was willing to stay super late every night. But that was lucky and most companies aren't like that. Our company ended up closing so everyone was laid off but I was lucky enough to find another job that had a strict dress code and I had to be at work every day at 8:30 am. Being a new job where I didn't know anyone and wanted to make a good impression because I needed the $$ made a world of difference and for a year, I was on time every single day. I needed to get out of my comfort zone and be frightened of the repurcussions in order to change. I now telecommute full time but there's no way I would have had the discipline before in order to successfully work from home. I needed that job to teach me the importance of time management.
Long story short - you're comfortable knowing you can make your own schedule and not get in trouble for it. Yes, it sucks knowing coworkers disapprove, but doesn't suck enough to wake up earlier or stress out in order to leave on time. You need a little bit of fear - if your bosses don't care, is there a way to punish yourself? $5 for everytime you're late goes to a charity instead of your own pocketbook? That would add up quickly and would help motivate you...and you need someone to hold you accountable...a friend at work who would text if you're not at work at certain time? Some kind of accountablility would probably be helpful if you really want to change.
Just wanted to add to what others have said about how this may be affecting your friendships. You sound like a dear friend of mine, and after several conversations about this issue and giving her many, many chances, I no longer make plans with her. I love her, I miss her, but it got to the point where having plans with her was too stressful for me. I have literally spent hours of my life waiting on her when you add it all up.
It sucks to sit alone in a busy restaurant knowing the server is annoyed because she could be turning over that table and I am taking money away from her--so I over-tip to make up for it. (my choice, I know, but I am aware of how my time affects other people--unlike my friend.)
I got tired of having to figure out what time to REALLY leave my house--how late will she be this time, what if I wait too long and I'm late (which I would HATE).
When I realized how she was able to be on time for her dates, it showed me she COULD do it when it was important to her, which told me MY time was NOT important to her. As I said, I love her, but I got tired of stressing about this and tired of being annoyed with her as I waited every time, and tired of my cell phone ringing with the "I'm on my way" and the litany of excuses. I didn't officially break off the friendship, and I would still invite her to a large gathering at our house, but our time out together has completely faded, and the decreased stress is worth it to me. I valued our friendship, but her tardiness told me she did not.
I think it's great that you are putting yourself out there like this to change yourself, and I thought maybe giving you this perspective would help that. When you decide it is important, you will get somewhere on time.
Steps on My Spiritual Journey
1. It is eye-opening to hear that you avoid your sister because she runs late, but doesn't that mean you miss out on other opportunities for her to earn your respect and spend time together? It really makes me think how much I'd miss my sister if she felt that way.
Is this about me? I see my oldest sister as often as I see the other three actually. I never avoid her. We're a very close-nit family. She's awesome and I love her. I said I will go in a different car than her to other things like church, or family functions so I can be on time to other things. Just because her time is more important than the pastor or our aunt's (for example) doesn't mean mine is. Goodness gracious.
Well I am. And I didn't says that laying out clothes and setting goals aren't good advice that I'm not taking; I said I've tried them before, but yes I need to be consistent about them to reverse my habits. I'm not making excuses. I'm acknowledging my problem, taking into account other peoples thoughts and advice and changing my habits until I can get it right and make being early my new habit. I've quit smoking, quit processes foods, quit reading gossip rags, and anything else that poses problems for me, but I haven't yet eliminated this. I'm just investigating what techniques out there I haven't tried, or where I'm faltering (because it's not just one, ovious thing that makes me run late; I don't just sit around an twiddle my thumbs).
I'm glad that you can pat yourself on the back for being early everyday, but can you really say that you don't have any bad habits? And you honestly think that I don't want to change? I wouldn't waste time posting my issue here if I didn't want to change. And I never said, "I've done that, it doesn't work. Northing works," as you inaccurately quoted. You're right that that is an attitude that won't lead to change, but you clearly haven't be reading what I've written.
I agree with your advice that I should eliminate distractions at all cost, but I'm not some robot. Sometimes my cat wants more attention, or pukes on the floor, or my husband will call from work to ask me to run an errand after work. I'm not going to simply ignore the world around me. I am not checking the computer in the morning anymore, and I plan to switch to the radio for news instead of the television. If I plan on leaving for work 15 minutes earlier than I need to and stick to a strict schedule, then hopefully I can conquer this. Thanks for your advice.
Well, I'm not doing it consciously. Thanks for your opinion though.
Thanks for your honest opinions. It's becoming more apparent to me that tardiness really bothers people.
That is a good point and I've neve thought of being tardy as being arrogant, but I definitely will keep that in mind because I don't like to draw attention to myself.
Thanks for doing the math, but in my originally post I started that I work late 30-60 minutes everyday, but good point: my coworkers don't commonly stay late, so they may not be aware that I put in my time and then some.
Very true. Thanks for that.
Good advice. Traffic is problematic, but I've been doing it long enough that I think I need to leave at least 15 minutes earlier than it takes when I drive in late. Thanks.
Thanks, glad to know I'm not the only person that has this problem. I'm trying to fix it, but it bothers me that some people suggest I'm arrogant or disrespectful to others for it. I'm not trying to make excuses, but I don't find it fair that others think I do this to manipulate people.
I am often a person who runs late, I commute 45 minutes to work in the a.m. and I hate waking up early so really the slightest glitch in the am can make me late. What helps me is realizing that just because I CAN be late doesn't mean I SHOULD be late. Even if other people don't say anything, I know that it looks like I don't care enough/don't respect them enough to be on time for them.
I am normally late I think for the same reason you are. I can always find something else I need to do around the house...dishes, water the plants, throw the laundry in the dryer, etc. I think you need to 1) understand that even if nobody says anything, being late reflects poorly on you professionally. 2)get into a very set routine, pack your lunch, pick out your clothes, etc and then leave yourself ten free minutes at the end of it as a buffer. Don't do anything if you have the extra time, just leave early.
Breakfast is kind of my flexible point. If I have time, I will sit and eat breakfast before I leave the house, if not I grab a yogurt or something I can eat at my desk without disturbing anyone.
I think you need to step back and consider perception vs. reality. Of course you aren't think about being manipulative, rude or arrogant. But you may very well be perceived that way. I think that is the point people are trying to make.
As one of the many people who has a chronically late friend I have to say it is really very frustrating. It does impact plans (often there are 4 or 5 of us waiting for her). We're in NYC and everyone understands that you might run 10 mins late because mass transit is backed up. However there really is no reason to ALWAYS be late. It implies that you just don't value the other person's times.
I'm working on this myself, and everyone's responses have been an eye-opener.
One of the things that I notice that makes me late, is that I have no concept of how long things really take. I don't think of myself as arrogant either. I am incredibly absentminded and I get lost in thought. I put clocks on the bathroom wall and then forget to look at them. It's really frustrating. I have contemplated getting an Adderall prescription, setting my alarm for 6 AM, taking it, going back to sleep, and waking up at 7 with my Adderall kicked in. I also negotiate with myself but don't follow through (ok, I'll sleep for 10 more minutes and take a 5-minute quick shower... never actually happens).
So one thing I recommend for you which I plan to do for myself, is time how long things really take. Don't tell yourself how much time you have and try to stick to it, time each event (hair, makeup, shower, getting dressed) when you're moving at a normal pace, add it up, and work backward to see when you need to get up. Go to bed earlier so that you can pull yourself out of bed in the morning. Take however long you think it'll take to get anywhere and add 30 minutes, knowing you can't trust yourself. Good luck, to both of us!
No, that was in response to kristinp36 who said she doesn't make plans with her sister anymore; I accidentally hit Reply instead of Quote. Sorry, that wasn't directed at you. Not riding in the car with someone is different than not electing to make plans with them at all
.
I wait on my sister, too (if you can believe it, she's far worse than me about family functions), but I still love and hang out with her because I know it's nothing personal and I don't want to deny time with her because of it.
At my last job if you weren't clocked in by 7:25 you were paid minimum wage for the day. You had 3 "freebie" passes a year for being late.
That was my incentive.
I don't know what to recommend to you because the other posters have recommended a lot of different options.
I can't imagine that your job hasn't noticed. Unfortunately, because your supervisor hasn't said anything to you doesn't mean that one day they'll let you go over it. They'll be more likely to keep Employee A who'se on time and leaves dirty dishes over Employee B who'se late every day when it comes time to lay offs or what not.
Thanks! I have a hard time getting out of bed too and used to set multiple alarms on my phone and oversleep all of them, so I bought an old-fashioned bell alarm clock, set it across the room and didn't allow any back ups. This has been working for a whille, but I have overslept once or twice, but then I wake up about 15 minutes later in a panic worried that I've overslept by several hours. Even setting my alarm to wake up at 5:30, I still get to work late.
I timed myself this morning and yes, everything took longer than I thought it would! I almost got to work on time, but I still felt pretty pissed at myself that I couldn't pull it off despite all the stuff people have said here. I can't give up, but it's not as easy for me as it is for the people that say, "Just get to work ontime!"
I don't have much advice for you because I am a person that hates being late and cannot understand why so many people have trouble with being on time.
I did want to post though because my mother is a chronically late person and it drives me crazy. I mostly just tease her about it, like your coworkers do, but really I think it's rude and disrespectful. It's stressful to me to have to try and figure out how much I need to lie to her about the actual start time of something so that she'll be on time. I often have to get ready way earlier than I normally would so that I can stop by my parent's house early enough to harass her into getting ready on time. My dad and her take separate cars almost everywhere they go because he can't stand being late either.
I don't know if you have children or plan on having children, but if you do/are and you ever feel like you need additional motivation, just think about how chronic tardiness will affect your children. I was late to school at least 3 times a week up until the day I started driving myself. My mom was the one dropping me off at school while she was still in her pajamas with curlers in her hair because she needed to go back home and finish getting ready. I remember the first day I drove to school, I left my mom asleep even though I knew if I didn't wake her up she'd be even later than usual. Thinking back now, I'd say that was pretty passive aggressive and mean, but that's how much resentment I'd built up for all the years she'd made me late.
I'm a little late here, but I wanted to add my two cents.
You are late because you choose to be. You don't have respect for other people's schedules. Doctor's appointments are not "soft" deadlines. When you are late, you mess up everyone else's schedules - the doctors, nurses, and all the other patients. With friends and family who are chronically late, you can bet that there is a negative effect on the relationship. Maybe you aren't aware of it, but those people are peeved about it when you are late.
You don't need tricks. You need to drop the excuses, grow up, and get to things on time.
Let me try it this way: whether we like it or not, in this world we are judged by our actions and not our intentions. People impute what they think your intention was, based on what you do. So when you show up late, all the time, what people take from that is that you do not consider them important enough to be on time for. Also, it shows that you made a commitment to be somewhere at a certain time and that you habitually refuse to honor that commitment. Even if you have the best of intentions, love your coworkers and friends, etc., you are being disrespectful to your friends and coworkers because you are showing them that honoring your commitment to them to be somewhere when you are supposed to be is just not that important to you. They know that they cannot rely on you in this aspect, and it affects how much they rely on you for other things. You may not be intending to be disrespectful, but your actions end up being disrespectful anyway, do you know what I mean?