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BoyMom21
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
So who would you turn to?
The MomAE post has me thinking...who would you turn to if you were struggling with your marriage?
Let's say you two can't quit fighting, or maybe have financial problems that are leading to divorce...maybe he/you had an affair, or there's abuse. Would you tell a friend? A family member? Only confide in a counselor? Keep it between you and your H?
Re: So who would you turn to?
I'd get to a counselor. I've learned from the beginning of my marriage that problems should never be told to your parents--they'll remember all of the bad and none of the good.
I'd probably reach out to a close friend for some venting time. Most of my friends are pretty good about realizing that every person's relationship goes through some rough patches and just because you stay together doesn't mean the world is ending. Unless it's a dealbreaker, like abuse. Cheating would be hard for me as well because I wouldn't want to be checking phones/emails for the rest of my life. Life's too damn short and I'm not ugly enough to worry about finding someone else to love me. Ha.
I missed the MomAE post, so I really have no idea what's going on.
BUT, if something like that were going on, I would, without a doubt, turn to my best friend. She's known me for 23 years and she has known my husband for as long as I have. After that, I have no idea.
Well, there was a time when DH and I were really struggling. I turned to Snowful. I didn't really tell any of my other friends and I certainly didn't tell my parents. For one thing, I feel I can confide in her because she seems to understand that the world is not puppy dogs and rainbows and that venting is just that - venting. It was also pretty obvious to me she wouldn't hold a grudge against DH. And finally, I trust her to say to me "You are a fvcking moron, the problem here is clearly you."
And a counselor of course. Lord knows how much I love counseling.
I turn to anyone I feel comfortable with. But I agree with pp's a family member doesn't forget easily.
Interesting question...
I would turn to my parents and my best friend. I typically keep things within our marriage but if it were an issue that proved to be too difficult, I would probably have to have some help.
I missed it! To the PP, get your butts to counseling, it is amazing what comes out.
I think I would turn to "pink tic tac" aka my bff and a counselor. I know better than to say anything to my parents... I learned that lesson when I was in my dating years.
I would turn to my BFF. DH and her were BFFs before I ever met DH, and now her and I are BFFs. I think she would be able to give advice without being too biased either way.
I probably wouldn't turn to my parents, I learned that when I was dating my high school BF.
I might even go to DH's parents like MomsAE did. I think they would give the best/most helpful advice.
ETA: Actually, the more I think about it, we would probably both, as a couple, go to DH's parents. They are both Christians and have very similar values and morals as us. So I think we would trust their advice the most. Oh, and we would probably go to a counselor or our pastor, too.
Kaylee & Cole 06.14.08
8/6/11 First 5k! OG&E Expo Run 34:47
9/3/11 Brookhaven Run 5k 34:18
9/17/11 Healthy Sooners Fun Run 5k 33:38
10/15/11 Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 33:31
10/29/11 Monster Dash 5k 32:06 PR!
11/11/11 Veteran's Day Run 11k in Dallas 1:13:15 Instant PR!
1/28/12 Texas Half Marathon 2:38:03 Instant PR!
3/25/12 Earlywine Dash
I really don't know. I have seen how it hurts a married couple if they confide in their parents about problems so I would most likely not go that route. I would most likely suggest we go to a counselor first. If I see that it's not going to work and the problem becomes worse I would turn to my best friend.
I have a feeling though DH would turn to his parents or his brother. He doesn't really have any close enough friends to confide in for something like that.
I have three friends, two of whom are married and one who is just dang observant, that I would turn to. Possibly my sister; however, she has been through a divorce and while she would have great advice, I'm not sure if her knowing would be all that helpful.
It would also depend on what the problem was. Infidelity I won't tolerate, and I would leave, and just get a hotel until I had things straightened out for myself. Actually, I can't really think of many situations where I would just stand and take whatever was being thrown at me. I can see counseling as an option for some things, but there are hurts that I know I would not be able to get past, ever, even with counseling.
It would be really really hard for me not to go to my mom. I get what you all are saying about family holding a grudge/never forgetting... but it would be almost impossible not to talk to my mom about it.
Other than her, I have 2 close friends I know I could go to without judgment and who would be good support.