I hated my wedding and can't get past it!

imoan

Mrs.Ruoho618:

I'm so so sorry your wedding went that way. I know how you feel. I just got married this past June and I HATED it!!! You're groom kind of sounds like how mine was. He didn't even seem to give two shits about spending OUR wedding day with me. I spent a lot of the time outside with people while they were smoking or whatever because I couldn't handle the anxiety of being in there. People bitching you need to do this! You need to do that!... Uh, no... my wedding day... I don't need to do anything I don't want to. (FYI- I'm also pregnant and was still really sick at the time of my wedding) And when he would come outside and I was out there he didn't even acknowledge me. He was too busy getting drunk and stoned with his stupid friends. Ugh! Everyone treated it as a big stupid drunken party and it was just not ok. I almost snapped when I walked inside and saw my groom leaning up against the wall getting grinded on by this girls a**. NOT OK EVER!! (And IMO a girl grinding her a** on a guys d*ck is NOT dancing!!) I never even wanted a big wedding. I only did it because my husband made it seem like it meant so much to him and that he wanted to show everybody how much he loved me and that he chose me to spend the rest of his life with. I wanted something just me & him & our kids on the beach or something like that. Ya know, something small and intimate. Something that was about US and not about us paying for a bunch people to eat and get drunk and that's all our wedding day was. Such a joke. I also think we got married at the wrong time, we were not getting along at all constantly fight over the 2 months prior to the wedding. The only reason I didn't cancel it was because everything was done, paid for, contracts were signed and I was constantly in hope that things would get better at the time. And I just figured it's all done, might as well just do it, get it over with. (Things are better now and have been for the past month) But I get so upset everytime I think about it. I completely break down. Sometimes to the point of an anxiety attack. I just hate everything about that day. Do I regret marrying my husband?? No. But I 100% regret how we did it.

I've been thinking the same thing as you... I want a do over! I deserve a day to remember with happiness and not with constant tears and anger. I say talk to your hubby about it and do it! It's sad when you think about your wedding and all you want to do is cry. That's a huge day in anybody's life no matter how they do it and nobody should ever feel like that when they think about it. I can't wait for the day I can say we finally got our perfect wedding And no longer have to think about that BS day.

Good luck hun... I hope everything works out for you and your husband

Yeah, having a baby with this gem was an EXCELLENT idea.  Just top notch!  Let us know how that works out. 

Mrs.Rad888

If I were married to someone like this, we definitely would have been back at the courthouse by the time our 5th anniversary rolled around, but it sure as hell wouldn't have been for a vow renewal!

imoan

Mrs.Rad888:

If I were married to someone like this, we definitely would have been back at the courthouse by the time our 5th anniversary rolled around, but it sure as hell wouldn't have been for a vow renewal!

For some reason the emoticons don't work on my laptop... so please imagine a huge thumbs up sign here! 

doglove

I love how you refer to your husband as the groom.

RaiKai

imoan:

Mrs.Ruoho618:

I'm so so sorry your wedding went that way. I know how you feel. I just got married this past June and I HATED it!!! You're groom kind of sounds like how mine was. He didn't even seem to give two shits about spending OUR wedding day with me. I spent a lot of the time outside with people while they were smoking or whatever because I couldn't handle the anxiety of being in there. People bitching you need to do this! You need to do that!... Uh, no... my wedding day... I don't need to do anything I don't want to. (FYI- I'm also pregnant and was still really sick at the time of my wedding) And when he would come outside and I was out there he didn't even acknowledge me. He was too busy getting drunk and stoned with his stupid friends. Ugh! Everyone treated it as a big stupid drunken party and it was just not ok. I almost snapped when I walked inside and saw my groom leaning up against the wall getting grinded on by this girls a**. NOT OK EVER!! (And IMO a girl grinding her a** on a guys d*ck is NOT dancing!!) I never even wanted a big wedding. I only did it because my husband made it seem like it meant so much to him and that he wanted to show everybody how much he loved me and that he chose me to spend the rest of his life with. I wanted something just me & him & our kids on the beach or something like that. Ya know, something small and intimate. Something that was about US and not about us paying for a bunch people to eat and get drunk and that's all our wedding day was. Such a joke. I also think we got married at the wrong time, we were not getting along at all constantly fight over the 2 months prior to the wedding. The only reason I didn't cancel it was because everything was done, paid for, contracts were signed and I was constantly in hope that things would get better at the time. And I just figured it's all done, might as well just do it, get it over with. (Things are better now and have been for the past month) But I get so upset everytime I think about it. I completely break down. Sometimes to the point of an anxiety attack. I just hate everything about that day. Do I regret marrying my husband?? No. But I 100% regret how we did it.

I've been thinking the same thing as you... I want a do over! I deserve a day to remember with happiness and not with constant tears and anger. I say talk to your hubby about it and do it! It's sad when you think about your wedding and all you want to do is cry. That's a huge day in anybody's life no matter how they do it and nobody should ever feel like that when they think about it. I can't wait for the day I can say we finally got our perfect wedding And no longer have to think about that BS day.

Good luck hun... I hope everything works out for you and your husband

Yeah, having a baby with this gem was an EXCELLENT idea.  Just top notch!  Let us know how that works out. 

 

Yes, please!

 

It is fantastic that you do not regret marrying a douche, since it has been "better" for a whole month (what does "better" mean? it is easy to be marginally "better" than totally crappy, which is what you describe).

 

But hey, at least you did not lose that deposit for the caterer.

spaineen

Dang some of you are brutal!!

Hang in there honey. Do some soul searching and do what you feel is best. I can relate to alot of the way your groom acted since mine was also off with his friends all night while I did the receiving line by myself.  My dad died 15 days before the wedding and people were crying on our weddng day because I walked down the aisle alone.  I have no advice since Im dealing with the same thing--tears, anger and building animousity towards my husband because he keeps telling me he had the time of his life.  Ill bet he did.

blueobsidian

@spaineen Seriously?  This post is two years old.  I'm hoping she's done plenty of soul searching since the original post.  If you look under the username, you will see the original date that a post or comment was posted.

MLE2010

spaineen said:

Dang some of you are brutal!!

Hang in there honey. Do some soul searching and do what you feel is best. I can relate to alot of the way your groom acted since mine was also off with his friends all night while I did the receiving line by myself.  My dad died 15 days before the wedding and people were crying on our weddng day because I walked down the aisle alone.  I have no advice since Im dealing with the same thing--tears, anger and building animousity towards my husband because he keeps telling me he had the time of his life.  Ill bet he did.

Stop pulling up old posts. This is from 2011. WTF, annoying.

TarponMonoxide

I am wondering why she chose such a first class jerk to marry.

This is 2 something years later. I hope she finally kicked him in the keester and got rid of him for good.

OwningAHome1981

Amber_in_NOLA said:

Hi,
I got married in 2006.  I planned every last detail to be perfect, and it was as far at the decorations, the food, my dress etc. etc.

What didn't go right was the behavior of my guests and the groom. 

My mom and dad, (divorced a long time ago) were each separately being selfish and focused on their own needs the whole time.  Even my bridesmaids were shocked at what jerks they were both individually being.  My grandmother threatened to not show up due to some 20 year old feud between me and my crazy uncle that I had not seen in 20 years and didn't want at my wedding.  One aunt didn't show up because she said she was too uncomfortable to be around my rude step mom.  And another threatened at the last minute because all of a sudden she decided to get a divorce and said it would be too hard for her to attend a wedding.  That aunt was the one bringing my grandmother in her car from out of state.  And my wedding planner was the biggest waste of money ever because I was dealing with all of the particulars all night.  I was personally dragging chairs where they should have been at my ceremony site, I was writing checks for all of the vendors at the end of the night, taking down decorations, loading presents into our car by myself etc.

My groom was the worst though.  He is such a social butterfly by nature, that he often ditches me at parties till the end of the night.  I knew this ahead of time and made him promise to not do this at my wedding.  But he did.  I sat at our Sweetheart Table alone through most of dinner, very embarrassing, and even leveled with him outside at one point telling him that his behavior was ruining the wedding for me and begged him to stop ditching me, but he angrily brushed me off and didn't change his behavior.  And also drank too much, forgot to bring my ring, never brought me a gift, even though we agreed to exchange gifts, and never took care of finding us a ride home after, even though he agreed to make that his responsibility.  I ended up being afraid to get in his car because he insisted on driving us even though he had drank too much.

Once we got to our hotel, he socialized with his friends in the lobby for about an hour.  I got so tired, I started to fall asleep on the lobby couch waiting for him to wrap it up with them.  He chose to walk me upstairs to our suite, DROP ME OFF, and then go back down stairs to hang out with his friends more.  I was trying my best to be easy going and not pick a fight on our wedding night, but needless to stay, the fact that he did that, really hurt.

Then my cousin from out of town did not have a room to stay in at the last minute for some reason, so my fiance offered to let him sleep IN OUR SUITE!  He thought it would be ok because it was on a couch outside the bedroom part of our hotel suite.

we fought about all of this all night, and I cryed for hours saying I want an anullment, worrying the whole time that my cousin could hear us right outside the door.  Of course we never even had sex.

We have now been married for 5 years and I can't seem to get over what a nightmarish failure my wedding day was.  I resent my husband, and still feel unimportant to him in many ways all of the time.  He says he is sorry, but feels the wedding day was a success because the guests had a good time and everything looked pretty and the food was good. 

Should I renew my vows with him in a small private ceremony to try to replace the bad experience in my mind and start fresh?  I can't think of another way to recover from this very painful experience.

Thanks for your advice.

Amber

::::hugs::: I hated my wedding too!

It started with the pictures. My husband HATES pictures, but I told him on our wedding there was going to be a lot of pictures and he really just needed to be an adult about it.

We started with the just us "first look" pics in which every time he'd kiss me, he would wipe my lipgloss off his lips.

After a while he was getting agitated with taking pics altogether and got angry with the photographers & told them pictures were over - meanwhile he didn't ask me what I thought/ wanted. I wanted to take more pictures. There were shots I wanted we never got.

Then we have ceremony. Everything goes great.

Reception starts great. We are having a lot of fun. Husband isn't dancing much but he never does, fine, although I hoped since it was our wedding he could have sucked it up and just danced more. Whatever, I danced with friends and fam and made the best of it.

Husband has wayyyy too much to drink. Starts burping loudly & continuously for like 20 minutes straight, like obnoxiously. Luckily this was still during dance time so hopefully people didn't notice too much. His mom said something to him after a while, and he got pissed off at her for saying something and he refused to dance with her (after the band announced the mom & son dance) - I was so mortified and everyone was asking why he isn't dancing with her. I had to tell the band to stop announcing it, it wasn't happening. At once point, he was so angry he left for like 20 minutes and I couldn't find him. His mom was uber pissed too (rightfully so) and she left early not saying goodbye to me or anyone. I did see his dad and he told me what happened and explain his mom was not mad at me at all.

The icing on the cake was my ham of a father's 20 minute speech about himself. No mention of my husband or me, just himself.

Needless to say my wedding was nothing like the fairy tale I had wanted.