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What age is appropriate?
I'm a single parent to a 2.5 yr old, he will be 3 in August. He has been going to this particular daycare for almost a year with no problems. It has done a world of difference with his development as they have a cirriculum. In the past month and half I've noticed some changes with him. Changes such as he is in a transitional room that potty trains and where he was going almost every day he has now stopped. I know this happens with potty training but he will go for me at home just not at daycare. He also now fights me in the mornings and I have to drag him there kicking and screaming. Some of the kids in his class have moved up to the next level now that they are fully trained so I thought this was it. Then the other night I ran in to one of his teachers only to find out she had left over spring break. I know he was really close with her and she really helped him with his potty training, so could this be the reason for the behavior?
Lately he has come home telling me when other kids have been in time out, when he has been in time out for not listening and now say that some of the kids are hitting him or pushing him down. I know he is really unhappy but doesn't deal well with change. If I switch daycares I feel this would throw him over. Should I take him to a child psychologist to find out what's going on? His dad has never been apart of his life really and this has been an issue over the last couple of months as they're learning about families. I feel like he has so much to sort out and some of it is part of life. I just want him to be happy again and this funk he is in is breaking my heart. sorry for the long vent but i'm not sure what to do.
Re: What age is appropriate?
I am really not understanding how your daycare works. They did not give you any notice of his teacher leaving? That in itself would be a major red flag for me. My son's VPK teacher had to leave 1/2 way through the year and we received a letter a few weeks before hand so we had time to work with the school to prepare him for her departure.
Have you talked to the daycare about the hitting & pushing? How did they respond?
I would also expect that lessons on families to include all types of families, not just traditional mom, dad and kids- single parents, adopted, same-sex couples etc.
It does not sound like this daycare is the right place for him. While a new place might be more of an adjustment in the beginning, he will probably be better off in the long run.
I have a 3 1/2 yr old dd and a 5 1/2 yr old ds and neither of them have ever been depressed or in a funk. You may want to start with your pediatrician to rule out anything physical and get his or her opinion on a psychologist.
Find another day care center, maybe. Sorry for your troubles.
The hitting and pushing is usually on the playground the other child will get put in time out. I talked with the director and she placed the afternoon crew in there full time to minimize the change as they already knew them.They started a reward system for him to get him more interested in starting to potty again there but she stated that psychologists are against rewarding behavior that is already expected of them. Eventhough they teach all types of families it is still hard for him because the other kids have daddy's that pick up or drop of their kids.
I dont want to switch as we've had to switch daycare/providers once a year since birth for one reason or another. Plus my 10 yr old sister is in the next building and he likes knowing she's right there. When I pick him up he wants to go over there to get her.
WTF?
Rewards are part of a positive behavior plan. It's why you go to work, for the reward of money.
I'd talk to the director again and see what you can do to help him adjust. Also, I'd really spend some time talking to the teachers and possible observing the class. (preferrably by internet - it seems like most daycare centers have streaming video these days)
N was in a daycare and wasn't happy and it started coming out with aggression. We didn't know if it was just a stage or something else. We already knew she has a hard time adjusting to change (like a new room, new teacher, etc.) We started talking to her teachers, the director, and really kept an eye on the school for a month or so (in person and watching the streaming video) until we figured out the problem: her teacher. Her new teacher just wasn't a nice person. She spoke to the kids in an appropriate manner, she lied to the parents about what was happening in the class, she put kids in 30 minute time outs, did non- age appropriate punishment, she pointed her finger in their face and yelled at them, etc. So after talking to the director and getting nothing but denials and defensive comments, N went to a new daycare. The difference was dramatic. Within a few weeks, N was back to her old happy self again.
So there are a few issues to look at it: is it a stage? Difficulties at home? Difficulties with the other kids? Difficulties with the teachers? It's hard to nail it down until you slowly rule out one thing at a time.
Wow, so many issues at once!
First of all, using the potty at 2.5 is not "expected." It IS early, especially for a boy! My dd didn't potty train until she was 3. My friends have sons who need to be potty trained for nursery school (starting in Sept), and they have turned three and are just starting to use the potty. So your son is definately early.
My guess was that your son, being born in August, was one of the youngest in the class. Maybe now he is the oldest. I know being the oldest in the class is often hard - - especially when the youngest kids are more like babies.
We had some turnover in our daycare, but there were two teachers at all times, so if one left (or had a day off), the other was there.
Is there something you can do to ease the morning transition? I know when I left of DS, if I got him there in time for breakfast (8 am), he was fed and that kept him happy (I know, food should not be used as a reward, but that worked for us and he needed breakfast anyway). When he went to pre-K (non-daycare), I would stay around 10 minutes, and play with him until "free time" was over (he didn't like unstructured activities) and story time began. Then he sat on the rug with the other kids.
It could be because of the teacher and he is getting older. Plus it could be the potty training phase too. Just see what happens after the teacher leaves and after he gets done with the potty training. Then take him to see a pschologist.
Make a pregnancy ticker