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Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
list "Obnoxious/Crazy Things People with Kids Do" here
We all know that when people have kids, they can totally change. Share some of the insane and ridiculous things that parents and PG people do. This is a chance for us free of children people (and those who can recognize and laugh at the Crazy) to vent!
*If you are really sensitive, or think your feelings might get hurt, you may not want to read on. Just read at your own risk.
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Re: list "Obnoxious/Crazy Things People with Kids Do" here
- Finding out the sex of the baby, and keeping it top secret from everyone. Either don't find out, or tell people if you know, and they ask. Nobody really cares enough for you to keep it a mystery. Same goes for "we know the name, but we're not telling". Trust me, I don't give a crap. I'm just being polite.
- Thinking that your little preshus being born is a life changing experience for everyone. It's not. My life's goals are not to be around your baby. I got my own isht going on. I'm only visiting you and your new kid b/c I'll look like an_ass if I don't.
- Complaining about parenting, and then getting mad when I offer relatively normal suggestions. Dude, you're the one who insists on talking about your kid (all the damn time), and then you're offended when I do? And just because you ripped your taint in childbirth doesn't mean you know everything about raising kids, and I know nothing.
- Cursing like a drunken sailor in front of your kid, and then getting mad if I turn the TV on in front of him. I just don't get it.
- Not bringing food for your kid to wherever grown up place we're all going to (*ahem*, that we didn't invite your kid to) and expecting the place to accomodate the needs of your kid.
- Just in general, expecting everyone else to accomodate your kid and her sleeping patterns/ nutritional needs/ screaming/crying/tantruming/shitting issues. I didn't have the kid, so I shouldn't have to suffer. I can not stand when I'm out at a restaurant and kids are loud and crying, or running around. If I was acting that way, I would get kicked out of the restaurant. Take care of your kid.
Bwahahah, Moosie, you crack me up! I can't say I have many similar experiences as I don't have alot of friends with kids (usually it's the kids that drive me up the wall).
The only thing I've dealt with recently is the assumption by men that I will watch their kids while they go out in the backyard to talk cars. Uh... I don't know crap about children. Just because I have a vagina doesn't mean you're safe leaving me alone with them.
Another couple (with 2 little boys) invited us over for dinner last night and when we got there, said "We'll start cooking, dinner will be ready in about an hour. '4-year-old-son', why don't you go show them your star wars toys?" Then they left us in their kids' bedroom for the next hour to play with their (totally rambunctious, throwing things around, toy-breaking) kids.
I don't actually usually mind entertaining kids in those kinds of situations (and I can appreciate parents wanting to take advantage of a few minutes of getting kids out of their hair and let them have fun with the novelty of playing with new people), but the presumptuous "oh, you're here anyway, you can watch them" attitude is annoying and something I hope I won't do when I'm a parent.
OK, the first thing that's popped into my head is a recent experience I had with a couple of friends, one of whom had a baby a few months ago, at a bbq. New mama and other friend put baby on a blanket on the floor of the living room, both kneel down over him, and - for several, very long minutes - emit completely incomprehensible baby talk.
I have no.fvcking.idea what they were saying. I understand that *some* baby talk takes place, but it seemed like the two of them were having a full-on baby talk conversation with each other. And with the baby. Who was 2 months old.
I sat back on the couch, didn't know what to do with myself, where to look, what to say. I felt so out of place not participating, but couldn't bring myself to participate either. I was just kind of speechless, embarrassed by what I was seeing grown-ass, educated women doing, just waiting for it to end... It was so uncomfortable and bizarre.
-Tell every person (family, friends, coworkers, strangers) its their kid's birthday today. Awesome. Big deal, everyday of the year its a lot of peoples' birthday get over it. I don't need you screaming in my face.
-Watching your kid throw a tantrum in a public place, waiting for the him/her to wear themselves out. No. What the hell is wrong with you? You think you have superior parenting skills by not reacting to such behavior, all you're really doing is allowing your kid to make everyone feel uncomfortable and awkward. Plus you look like a ass while you're at it.
-Or the exact opposite. Screaming at your kid in a public place. Honestly calm the down-do you remember where you are? As you are telling your child, that he or she is the most horrible thing on this planet---which is not true- people are watching, and feeling as if they are seeing something far too personal. Good job, you monster.
I agree completely with everything else on your list. I'll only make one comment about the above: I know several couples who picked out a name but didn't tell anyone because they knew people would make mean comments about their choice, try to talk them out of it, or try to guilt them into using a different name (usually some ugly family name).
Knowing the families and friends of some of these couples, I completely understand their choice to keep the name under wraps. The ones I know who've done this didn't make a big deal out of it at all. They decided the name, kept it to themselves, and didn't bring up the issue unless someone asked. If asked, their answer was a really straight-to-the-point, "We have some ideas but we'll share after the baby is born." End of story.
omg I'm dying here....
An HOUR?!?! I would've been livid.
Ugh, Passanie and Stumpy, I totally feel you on both of those! I think parents are so exhausted and really do look for any excuse to take a break, (even if it makes us kid-free people uncomfortable). Blah! I hate when my kid-having friends come over and don't watch their kids. It's like "I've seen your house, and it's a disaster. Don't do that to mine. I don't want Jr. breaking my stuff!" Huz and I end up chasing after the kids and "No no no, don't touch"-ing all night. It's like parents figure "Hey, let's hang out" means "Cool, free dinner and babysitter!"
I thought of another one: I don't understand those HUGE bows on baby girls' heads. I get that all little kids kind of look the same (can't really tell if they're a boy or a girl sometimes). But a huge obnoxious bow feels like the parents are thinking "You had better not mistake my kid of a boy!" Really, who cares? Is it so terrible if I have to ask "Is your baby a boy or a girl?" I doubt the newborn will overhear and get her feelings hurt. The big_ass bows just seem like trying to hard IMO.
I think I shared this before. Huz's cousin's little boy was at their house when they invited us over for dinner. Of course he's excited to see new people (he's 3). We were all trying to watch a movie (it had to be a Disney movie since the kid was there- ugh!) and the kid starts hitting me on the head and spitting on me, thinking it's a game. I looked at the parents, waiting for them to do something, and they just smiled and pretended they didn't notice. Huz was pissed! We left soon after that because I was halfway debating whether I should spit back at the kid (and parents!)
I didn't see the other posts! Oh my gosh, I totally agree with all of you!
S- Your friends sound pretty normal (not he baby talk ones, the naming ones)! lol The time I experienced the name thing was Huz's cousin, who repeatedly talked about the baby, and how awesome the name was, and how Baby was named after so many great people who should feel honored... but nobody was special enough to know the name until a few hours after Baby is born. Yeah, and he was mass texting this to everyone (it wasn't coming up in conversation). So annoying and freakin weird!
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-not letting your child play with plastic toys. i just do NOT get it..those things could entertain your kid for hours.
-planning your outings based little jr's nap time. "oh i cant go to XXX because little jr's nap time is during that time" **eye roll**
-family sleeping ..co-sleeping or whatever the heck it's called.
for now that's all i got...i'll have to think of some more
I actually agree with 99% of this. ESPECIALLY baby talk or asking people if they have kids. I only ask if they are making a big deal out of my kid and I'd like to reciprocate if possible.
I would never invite people over and expect them to watch my daughter or Vice Versa, without them explicitly offering to do so, which some do.
the one thing I can sort of get with is knowing the sex but not telling. Maybe you should just say you don't know even if you do. I got so much pink crap and I was going to throw it all away so she wore pink for a friggin year.
Also naptimes are crucial to avoid a really crabby irritating child so that is somewhat sacred, sorry!
Oh and those bows are ridiculous. I call them torture devices. clips too at that age, there is so little hair! it just seems painful.
Okay, I can totally relate to this one! People always assume that because I'm nice to/good with children that I want to babysit. I don't. I have done a lot of babysitting, and enjoyed it but that doesn't mean I want to watch your kid. If I were a man this would never happen.
OOOh I have another:
Assuming that what you did with your child is the only way to raise them properly and being hyper-critical of any other method. I've been seeing a lot of this in the last month
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just thought of another.
i despise when someone says "omg, dh has been gone for X amount of days...i HATE being a single mom!!!"
i hate this because i was a single mom for 9 years of my kids life!!
and you know what sucked the most? those late night ER trips with the little one and NO ONE there to support you.
I remember my mom telling me about how, at 17/18, she used to have to get on the bus after work and school at 11 o'clock at night and take it to whatever store was open that late to buy diapers. Then take it back to the bus stop, and walk the rest of the way home, carrying me in one arm and a bag of diapers in the other because there was nobody to watch me at home, or run to the store. And this was like, a weekly thing. Single moms are so freakin hardcore.
I can't even imagine being as strong as you and balancing everything. You are a total rockstar, and have an awesome kid to prove it!
ok - so right off the bat let me just say that I don't take offense to what you've said.
But I would like some clarification: are the choices themselves obnoxious, or have you run into people who are obnoxious ABOUT the choices?
That is NOT ok. When Baz was little I would ask permission to run to the bathroom and leave him with whoever was over. But there's a big difference between "I would really love to pee in private" and "can you babysit, even though I asked you over as a guest?"
My mom was a single mom (and I consider her to have been a single parent even before they were divorced because my father was in the military and deployed 90% of the time anyway - they divorced when I was 6) and whenever I have little glimpses into her life I think about how lucky I am that if it got truly bad, Steve could get on a plane.
For some reason I actually fixated on how while I was figuring out how to have a baby at home - with my husband and my parents visiting to help - there was somewhere a young, unwed mother who had no one and who wasn't sure how she was going to put clothes on that baby's back and it just about broke my heart.
Single mothers are a class unto themselves.
that is EXACTLY what my brother did .. he kept both names (they were on team green) under wraps and when my niece arrived we knew why - he knew without a doubt that we would have attempted to talk him out of the spelling of his daughter's name. we didn't have a problem w/ the name itself, just the spelling. they phonetically spelled Michaela to be MaKaylah.
oh i've definitely run into people..heck i even have family, that are obnoxious about these choices
i have a friend that still has her son sleeping in her bed he's 8. i find that rather disturbing
my own brother did that family bed thing with both of his kids until they were about 5 &6...which led to other problems for him & his wife..but that a whole new story.
omg thank you .. that irritates me to no end. i have to deal w/ this w/ my own sister - somehow her homebirth, no intervention outside of prenatal midwife visits, ebf, only organic foods, cosleeping methods are far more superior to my hospital birth, prenatal visits w/ ALL the trimmings, bf as best i can given the circumstances, using organic milk and kiddo gets to be in the bassinet NEXT to my bed methods. to each their own and what works for one kid/family might not work for the next kid/family.
One thing that has bothered DH and I is how some of our parent friends can't seem to go anywhere or do anything without their kid(s) in tow.This is probably the biggest fear I have whenever a friend announces they're pregnant with their first kid; I wonder if our friendship will ever be the same. And we get anxious asking our parent friends to hang out, because we don't want to awkwardly say "your kids aren't invited".
We'd love to spend more time with these friends, but if we invite them to go do something they "must" bring their kids (and it's not like they have zero options for babysitting). Sometimes we just want some adult time with our friends. With the kids around it's very limiting and distracting. The parents are constantly having to entertain or deal with their kids, so conversations either are constantly cut off, or it feels like the parents aren't paying attention. We have to be careful about what we talk about, and where we eat (or what we eat if we're eating in) is further limited -- hard to try out that new wine & tapas place with the toddlers tagging along. Plus, it's difficult to have them over to our house because our house is not really "childproof" right now. I don't want their child getting hurt, or our stuff getting damaged. And I certainly wouldn't invite myself over to their home and expect them to entertain us.
We're not expecting our friends to leave their kids with a sitter every time we hang out, and we're happy to accommodate their kids as best we can for various outings. We totally understand why parents would be distracted, or choices limited, etc, and aren't judging them for being that way when the kids are around. But that's exactly why we'd like to spend a kid free evening with our friends from time to time.
Because of this, DH and I have discussed that when we have kids we're going to do our best to balance this. Granted, we aren't parents yet, but I don't think we'll have an issue leaving our kids with a sitter for an evening so we can have some adult time with our non-parent friends (or even our parent friends). We're hoping it will help us better maintain our valuable friendships with our friends who don't have kids.
Making every facebook post about your child. I get they are adorable and all, but I have had to hide a few people. They have lives beyond their babies, but since the kids came around, no one would know it.
I am all for occassional posts & pics, but multiple posts a day about how wonderful your child is is obsessive.
I have to admit that I opened this post to see what I'm doing that others consider "obnoxious/crazy."
- Letting kids scream at the top of their lungs in the store for things they want to get. Even when the mom or dad say no the kid(s) keep screaming for it. Or just screaming period.
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me too. the only thing i've found so far is insisting on naps and bed times.
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Surviving postpartum depression & OCD one day at a time.
Also experienced antenatal OCD.
Feel free to ask me questions about my experience.