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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Brother in law is a slob!
I am a self proclaimed neat freak... My husband and I have been married for 2 months. He is the oldest of 4 brothers, so he is a bit of a softy when it comes to his brothers. His youngest brother (almost 21 years old) is staying with us for 2 months this summer while college is out. I used to get along well with this brother, that is until I realized how much of a slob he is! He is staying rent free even though he is making more money in 2 months than I make in 4 months (hubby's policy bc he is family). He leaves the kitchen a mess (dishes everywhere, doesn't clean up after he cooks/ bakes, leaves me to clean his messes) doesn't contribute to groceries (even though he eats more than me and the hubby combined), doesn't offer to help clean and his room is trashed. Only cleans his bathroom when I tell him because company is coming over. Only does yard work when his brother makes him do it. We have tried implimenting "rules" with the kitchen and it doesn't work. We tell him if the dishwasher is full, then put the dishes in the left side of the sink... yeah they are sitting on the counter next to the sink. I've tried leaving the kitchen how I found it hoping that he gets the hint, but my loving hubby goes and cleans up after him once a few days have passed with no change. I've put a stop to that but I am sick of the messes! Any advise on how to get this slob to clean up his act...
Re: Brother in law is a slob!
Why does your husband get to make all the rules?
Did you make rules? The fact that you put "rules" in quotes tells me that you didn't really. Let BIL know there are house rules and if they are not followed, there will be consequences. If he acts like a kid, you treat him like a kid.
Buuuut... you and your H need to get on the same page about this first.
You and your H need to sit the guy down adn make rules:
Keep his room neat and clean, clean up after his messes in general, keep the bathroom relatively tidy and in order -- and he needs to pay room and board.
If bro il law doesn't like it, tell him he can find a place to live elsewhere for the next couple 3 months.
You are not his mom, his maid, his concierge or his caretaker.
Sorry to be blunt but you need to basically grow a backbone and start sticking up for what you want here. BIL's behavior is completely unacceptable and as far as I can tell, so is your H's. I am an oldest child and do not have a "soft side" toward my siblings bad behavior. In fact its the complete opposite and I have high expectations of my siblings and certainly would not tolerate such uncleanliness in my home if they were living for free.
I like pp suggestion in saying you need to approach your H with I have something serious I need to speak to you about and then lay it out. Remind him you contribute to this household and marriage and you absolutely will not tolerate this mess any longer and if your brother cannot respect your wishes and home hes out- no if ands or butts. Then you need to approach BIL the same way and let him know he will be asked to leave if this continues.
AND if your H does not comply, I would be informing him as long as BIL is living in this home I won't be- and I would mean it.
Normally I would agree with letting your H handle tough talks with his side of the family. In this case, though, both of you are his roommate. Ideally, it still would be your H doing it, but if he wouldn't, I would.
Your BIL sounds really inconsiderate!
Definitely talk to your H first and see if you can get on the same page regarding the messes. Then talk to your BIL, one or both of you. Maybe a united front is best.
I had a roommate years ago who wouldn't clean his dishes and finally I told him that if he didn't, I was going to put all of his dirty dishes in his bedroom. He STILL didn't wash them so I did that. He was mad but after that we were able to work out a fair solution to washing the dishes.
I said "rules" because I can't believe I've had to put rules in the house when it comes to cleaning. I have talked to the hubby. I have told him over and over how annoyed I am that I have to clean up after his brother. I am not his maid nor his momma and I don't have the patience to clean up after an almost 21 year old "child". The hubby will tell his brother "hey we have a new rule. All of the dishes are to go in the dishwasher or left side of the sink. We don't want any dishes on the counter at all." Then the brother rolls his eyes at him. I have approached him too but all I get is a mimicking 5 year old who repeats everything I say and then rolls his eyes and mumbles under his breath. I pass the scolding to my hubby because atleast his brother doesn't mimick him to his face. Its to the point that I don't even speak to my brother in law because I'm too annoyed with him and his messes! I can't just buy enough groceries for us two because he goes and eats whatever he wants out of the fridge and pantry. He returned from school with a bag full of nonperishable groceries. But guess how much of HIS groceries he has eaten... NONE!