Northern California Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Im really bummed and sound ungrateful
Tomorrow is our 5th anniversary. I spend a lot of time and energy doing things for DHs gift and put alot of thought into it. He told me he had something really good for me, so I have been stoked. Well today I see he just bought my card tonight and he got me what appears to be chocolate dipped strawberries. I am trying to be appreciative but I am really struggling. It's been a really rough last 2 weeks between us and I was really hoping for something totally amazing, but nope. I feel like a spoiled brat for this!
Re: Im really bummed and sound ungrateful
This exactly...my DH did this for Mother's Day. He let me sleep in and then as soon as I got up, he handed me the baby and announced that he needed to go shopping. I was very disappointed and hurt when he came home with a card and a box of See's Candy. I totally know how you feel and it sucks.
this.
It's why I have a shameless amazon wishlist and no qualms saying things like "we're going camping for my birthday the weekend after. Figure it out."
We actually had a blow up about it last year - that what I need from him is the effort. He was all "You said where you wanted to go for dinner so I thought after you pick me up from work we'll go there." Did he call and make reservations? No. And I know San Jose isn't a place where you need reservations, but couldn't the fool have just LIED to me? And he actually took me at my word that I didn't want a present. Which is true, but sheesh - a bottle of bubbly that I buy for myself does not a romantic celebration make.
So yeah - you don't sound spoiled. You sound like you want your husband to make an effort.
Happy anniversary!
But that's why you have us to vent to.
I have a male co-worker who's been married for decades who has been a great help in this department. He told me several times that you've got to lay your expectations out there in plain English for your spouse because they won't always know (and yes, because guys need some help sometimes). I've tried that and it actually works (most of the time).
Anyway, I hope you enjoy tomorrow. Who knows. He might surprise you yet. Come back and let us know and vent some more if you need to.
So so true. I have had to remind myself from time to time that DH can't read my mind and even if it sometimes makes things less spontaneous, spelling out exactly what I want/expect means I am very rarely disappointed (and this isn't just in regards to gift-giving, but in general). Of course, it helps that I've been blessed with a husband who is really good at gift-giving... He actually puts me to shame pretty regularly in that department :-/
Oh I totally get you.
For our 2nd anniversary (if you'll all remember), J decided we were going to Claim Jumper for dinner in Concord which isn't bad, but I knew the meal was more for him than me. He went to DVC at the time and there's a Target right down the street from the school where he could've bought a card. I got him a nice card and a $70 watch. What did I get? Nada. He "felt bad" and the proceeded to try and drive to Target in Concord, with me in the car and told me to wait in the car while he got me a card. Oh he!! no! So we get to dinner and I'm pretty PO'd and then he tries to leave mid-meal to get me a card from Target, which was even worse. Then he said "let's go to Old Navy and I'll take you shopping after dinner", which I get was a last-ditch effort to avoid the couch for the night but it didn't work and I said no. He ended up on the couch and I didn't speak to him for 2 days. Needless to say, he knows better now. Even my mom, who's usually on his side of our arguments said "Oh yeah, you screwed up big time".
I once cried...sobbed, actually...at the end of a 1st date b/c of simple "effort" (it was a first date, but it was a set up by good mutual friends, we'd had hours and hours and hours of conversation beforehand, and I drove over 3 hours to finally meet him...and he was like, "soo, uh...what do you want to do?" and we ended up watching a movie in. his. studio. apartment. On a beautiful sunny day. And he fell asleep during it.)
ANYWAY, my point is - it really is ALL about effort. When anyone, especially someone we love and care for and are married to, puts in so little effort, it hurts. A lot. You don't sound ungrateful. You sound normal. I'm sorry.