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Trip with DH and Untrained Dogs
About 5 years ago DH and I went to visit friends of DH in another state. DH knows these friends through work and they have a business relationship. They had been asking DH to come visit him for quite a while. So we drove 9 hours to their place. Overall it was a nice trip but there were a couple of things that bothered me. They had two quite large dogs that were untrained, they would smell our crotches and jump on us. Actually, on our last day when we were having a photo taken one of the dogs snuck up behind DH and knocked him down!
The other issue is the husband of the couple is a staunch Republican and when he would watch TV news would spout off how great the Republican party (and President at the time) is and how awful the Democratic party is, ad nauseum, etc. As I am a Democrat, this upset me to hear him carry on, and I found it to be poor manners and a lack of consideration. Third, my DH paid for a lot or maybe all of their meals when we went out to dinner, which was often. I appreciate their invite, but I thought when they invited us, they would cook or we would split the bill if we went out to dinner. I don?t know why my DH felt obligated to keep buying their dinners.
So, DH said they really would like us to come down this July 4th weekend. I told him no way because of the untrained dogs, from what I understand one dog has passed, and they have a new dog, but it is also untrained. DH said he does not want to tell them we don?t want to come down there because of the dogs, but I think he should. I worry that he might tell them that I don?t want to come down there because of the dogs, and put the blame on me. Besides the dogs, the other two issues bother me too. Any advice?
Re: Trip with DH and Untrained Dogs
Why does your DH want to go? I think that matters. You reference a business relationship. Does your DH feel their relationship will be hurt if he doesn't go?
I think it's TOTALLY feasible to say "no" to 4th of July. but bigger picture, just on going at all, if this is important to your DH to do at some point, my thoughts:
You're talking about ONE visit every 5 years. I think a lot of your issues you can suck up for that time frame. Even trained dogs will sniff crotches on occasion! They sound a bit unruly, but not harmful.
His politics. eh... I'm a democrat too but I've really never taken offense to people speaking their views. Is he being inconsiderate? Yeah, sure. But still... eh, this is a minor thing in the large scheme.
Buying meals - I do think buying one meal as a thank you is totally called for, but all the others? You need to work w/ your DH on this. There needs to be an understanding- ONE meal and all others are split.
And yo ucould even say "Hey, instead of going out, I'd love to make you all my insert favorite dish". Even if you have to buy the food, it's still cheaper than taking everyone out!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Sniffing crotches is a normal dog's way of greeting you.
I honestly can't imagine driving 9 hours to visit with people who were just "work friends" with whom I had a business relationship. Crazy.
But if you go, why can't you and your husband get a hotel room nearby? You could limit the amount of time with the dogs and leave before Fox News gets turned on.
Sit down and ignore the dogs. Also, how are you reacting when they jump on you? If you flail your arms around or get visibly upset or try to run away from them, the dogs pick up on that ... if you just act calm and gently push them down, they'll quiet down. Unless they're violent I wouldn't worry about it.
Regarding your husband paying for their meals, talk to him and set a budget ahead of time if it's shared money. If it's coming out of his personal fun money or whatever, I say keep quiet and let him spend it as he wishes. Or like PP said, volunteer to cook.
As for the politics, ignore the guy or change the subject. If he tries to engage you in a political conversation, just laugh lightly and say something like, "I make it a policy not to discuss politics with friends. But hey, how about that Stanley Cup final, wasn't that amazing?"
Are these people important to your dh's career? Is that why he wants to go?
Because really; I can't imagine another basis for a return trip. This sounds like my idea of helll.
I second the hotel idea. That way you have your own space, and can get together socially too. I don't know if I would visit "work" friends if it meant a 9 hour trip either.
On the dogs sniffing you-- it is a normal thing, but the owners should apologize and redirect the dog. Jumping is another thing all together, and that needs to be addressed. Big dogs don't understand that jumping can injure a person. They just want to be with people and can get clumsy. Jumping is a training issue, but not something that I would forgo a social outing over. Just put your knee up or brush the dog off if it bothers you.
I think it is reasonable to decline this year, but ask your H why it is important to him to go. Hear him out and decide. Good luck!