Nervous about first time

Ltravis24712

So im getting married, and me and my fiance have never had sex. And thats gonna be very anxiety provoking for me on wedding night, i dont wanna do something wrong, i dont wanna be nervous, i dont wanna make a fool out of myself. Does it happen instinctively? Is there anything i need to know? So i was wondering if anyone had any advice for staying calm, or how youdealt with these feeling if you had them as well

mmgroat

I know EXACTLY what you're feeling. It was exactly the same way for me and my husband. We got married on June 4, and I cannot tell you the anxiety I had. It is instinct for a great part of it. If you love him, you can't go wrong. Honest. It hurts the very first time, and then the second time its discomfort. And progessively gets good! Just kiss him, and things will progress from there. If you have more questions, just ask. I totally know what you're feeling.

Ltravis24712

thank you soo much. this did help alot, i know to expect alittle pain and discomfort but it'll be worth the few first times if its gets better, right? :-P, but really, thank you!

mmgroat

And i do wanna tell you, you prolly won't climax the first time. It will take some time. But IT will get there. and position wise, I would suggest him on top - that will prolly be easy for you. my husband and i found it easier for me to be on top, it just depends on how you guys feel with each other. Be comfortable with each other. and DEFINITELY be honest with each other! that's the key! Tell each other what you like and what you don't like!

cadala

My husband and I were both virgins when we got married a year ago. We were both incredibly nervous too.

My biggest piece of advice is to not worry about making a fool of yourself or doing anything "wrong". You're learning this together! You love each other and are probably very close even as friends, right? Trust me, maybe not the first time but there will be plenty of times you just fall apart laughing during sex. Silly things happen. It's fun and messy, and from experience, until we both really figured out what we were doing it was a little awkward. That was a huge part of what made it special though, and we've been able to progress together. Just approach it as a new adventure for the both of you, and relax about it. It's going to be a really fun journey. 

But to answer your question more directly, just take some time to relax together after the wedding (we were incredibly wiped out, anyway), and just start things slow. You love each other and have a whole life together, there's nothing to be embarrassed about or afraid of. Just remind yourself of that Just start cuddling and kissing and just let things go.

A little practical advice: for many women it does hurt the first time. But if you focus on that too much, you can make all those muscles tighten up and make it hurt worse. Just really mentally relax your whole body. Get some lube, it makes a huge difference. Lastly, I personally would suggest you being on top, so if you do have any pain or discomfort you can go at your own pace. Of course, you guys just need to decide what you think will work best for the both of you.

Best of luck and congratulations! 

Ltravis24712

haha i can honestly picture us just start laughing in the middle. But i completely understand what your saying. It makes more and more sense, Thank You

esmekate

Believe me, I know how it feels. I don't say this to freak you out because I don't think it's like this for most people, but I've been married two months and it took me and my husband well over the entire first MONTH to be able to have sex. I even went to a doctor, etc. etc. I just got really really nervous and would constantly tense up and prevent him from entering at all. The few times he managed to were ridiculously painful and neither of us got much out of it.

 Some things I'd recommend:

-You be on top. That way you can control the rate of entry. Because no matter how gentle he is the first few times, it's still going to feel like it's out of control.

-Lots of lube.

 -LOTS of foreplay. Like, go at it making out and stuff for at LEAST 30 minutes or so. 

-Figure out not only what turns you on, but what relaxes you, if that's what you need. For example, it helps me relax and enjoy it more when my husband talks to me, calling me sweet names and telling me I'm beautiful, blah blah. Sometimes he gets so into sex that I have to ask him to talk to me and it's a little awkward, but he's very sweet and receptive. Maybe you like music, or showering together first, or laying down and watching a movie or talking together before you try. 

-This sounds kind of silly, but don't make sex/penetration/orgasm the focus. We were virgins too, and had never been together in that way, so it was an intense emotion experience as well as physical. As sappy as it sounds, enjoy the feel of your skin on his and the way he smells, etc. Not only will it mean more, it'll help relax you too. 

 

Good luck!

Mash67

Well When I met my now Husband, I was a virgin... he wasn't, But before we started dating, I was being Immature, and I told him I had been with 2 guys but it had been 8 months since I was with some one... At that time 7 years ago being 17 and not seeing marriage in my future I lied thinking he would drop me if I wasnt with any one or less experienced or some thing... stupid I know, but I didnt think he would be my husband one day LOL

    Any ways now we are Married for almost 7 years  I really cant say if he knew or not that I was a virgin and that is some thing that I have never discussed with him and it kills me that I lied, but i was 17 and I didn't see it going past being a fling in the beginning.

Advice.... Your first time will hurt, I cant remember if I bleed or  not but you might a little, but lube helps cut down the negative friction,  Secondly, I personally think its the mans job to be on top the first few times, its new to both of you and in my opinion, it feels more as if hes taking care of his woman... if that makes sense. 

Fore play is KEY it really gets things going and before that Massages ALWAYS do the trick for me and get me more than relaxed.

 

Cosmopolitan Mag always has great tips

 

For me I was over being a Virgin, but I also wanted to loose it to some one I cared about and that I wouldn't have regrets , and I was success no regrets except not telling him... which I'm still trying to figure out how!   The feeling as im sure you know is over whelming before it happens, but that will come to an end, you both will get better at it and lean to try new things.... dont be afraid to try different positions and foreplay,

 

You might not get an orgasm the first time or for the first couple of months... but dont fake it, it will just throw him off , making noises in fine... just dont over do it to the point where HE thinks he made you have the big O..

 

 

Hope this helps, good Luck!! 

frizby

First off... Sorry if this is TMI... It was the same way for me and my husband, we were virgins and waited for marriage. We actually just slept our first night as husband and wife as we were traveling for a cruise. We then did the dead the second night on the boat. BIG TIP! As others have said it hurts, it can hurt a lot, so definitely lots of foreplay to ease you up, second, a towel (or two) underneath can be your best friend. I though eh, I'll be alright i've used those "heavy" tampons before... yeah, was I wrong or what, holy mess and embarassment from having to call room service that night for a new blanket... Guy just had to ask... so we claimed it was AF lol. 

shoelover1

I've been having sex with my FH for about 8 months now. He's my only, and to be honest, sometimes it still hurts if I don't use lube. Not to be discouraging, but foreplay doesn't always loosen you up enough, that's why lube is important! Some people don't have this problem ever, but usually if you're nervous it's harder to get wet, which makes penetration difficult. just put a dollop of lube on his penis and it will slide in a lot easier. you'll still feel very tight, but it won't be as painful. pack some standard and fun lubricants for the honeymoon and just enjoy trying different ones each night to see what you like best (that way it seems less like an awkward tool and more like a fun toy)