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Mom, my privacy did not go out the door w/ STBXH!
Just a warning I have a feeling before I even get started this will be a little long and be a whole lot of venting, but advice is always welcome too.
I don't know what it is with my mom that she thinks just because I'm no longer married that I don't expect the same amount of privacy in my home. She thinks she has free range of my house every time she is over. I've tried inviting her over less, shutting doors to rooms I don't want her in, etc, nothing works.
Yesterday was my breaking point when I got up to go to the bathroom and when I come out she's standing in my living room holding the box of condoms that had been on my dresser in my bedroom and the door had been shut. I got a rather rude "What are these?"
My answer was (as calmly as I could get it out) "Mom, I am 25 years old, my sex life stopped being your business over 7 years ago. Of course we wouldn't have to have this conversation if you also understood that also means you stopped having unlimited access to my personal areas over 7 years ago."
Her response? "Well you wouldn't be so secretive if you didn't have something to hide from me!"
Ugh! I'm at my wits end! What do I do besides locking my door and never letting her in again?
Re: Mom, my privacy did not go out the door w/ STBXH!
Not in a time of annoyance or anger, have you flat out said to her "Mom - I need for you to respect my home. I don't want anyone roaming through the house and especially going into rooms w/ closed doors. I like having you over, but if you can't abide by this, I'll have to come to your house instead. I do not appreciate anyone going into my room or any other part of the house w/o at least asking."?
I know you think you're being clear, but ify ou're not out and out saying this, she may really not be getting the "hints", and telling her this only when your'e pissed... again, the message is getting lost.
Yes, I think it's insane you even have to say this to her, but still... be VERY upfront.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
"Wow Mom! That is called a CONDOM. Didn't anyone ever teach you about them? Well, let's go in the kitchen and grab a couple of bananas and I'll show you how to use one and we can discuss what they are for."
Now could I really say that myself? Not sure but it would have been funny!
I think you should go through the house with sticky notes "Mom, this is not your business, do not open - you are not allowed."
Put them allllll over, on your bedroom door, all your dresser drawers, closet doors, even drawers in the bathroom she would use. Maybe then she'll get the point.
You let her change the subject. You made two very valid points about your sex life and bedroom not being any of her business because you are an adult. And she double-stepped it and called you secretive and accused you of hiding things.
Stay on topic. Simply reply, "No mother, that's how you speak to an adolescent who needs supervision and guidance. I am a 25 year old adult with a home and private space. Respect that or you won't be welcome here."
Where you linving at home before you got married? She seems to be reverting to her behavior before you got married. Just becuase your single again, doesn't mean you're the young kid who was living in her house before the marriage. Push her to move forward not backward.