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Long vent.
So I just need a place to vent, So over the 4th of July weekend we went to a bbq with some old friends of ours and some of there friends we hadn't meet yet. The Husband is bodybuilder/ trainer/ what ever. so My Hubby decide he's want's to get 'Ripped' the word he picked to use which mind you is one of them words that just rubs me wrong.
So he goes and signs up at the gym the guy uses, and is paying this guy for 3 seasons a week + going everyday, which means he's getting up at 3:30 am to meet the dude there at 4 cause he needs the motivation to do the workouts, and is in bed by 8:15 now. I get home around 7:15-ish so now, I get home just long enough to eat dinner with him and off to bed he goes. it's pissing me off.
I'm all for him getting in shape, that's fine by me but really you have to go every freaking day at 4am? and then cut our time short, Im sure i sound selfish or something but it's something that bothers me very much, how can we have a healthy relationship when there's not even time to talk to each other or anything else for that matter...
To top it off, we don't have a whole lot of money left over every pay day, after paying student loans and car payments, bills and stuff like that, now we have to pay for him to go to gym and pay for him to have the guy working out with him. DH has been going on and on about saving for a house. which now seems like it's not going happen. I'm just really feeling alone right now.
Thanks for listening to me.
Re: Long vent.
You have to be careful I think, because I'm sure lifting is really important to him and you don't want to make it seem like you're forcing him to give up something that's important to him (I wake up early to run or exercise every morning and if DH told me I couldn't do that we would have some serious issues). Does he need to get up at 4am though? could he sleep in for another hour so he could stay up an hr later in the evening with you? I could definitely see how you would feel like you don't get to spend time with him.
The money thing is something you guys should work out. could you create a monthly bucket for his "exercise money" and once it's gone, it's gone? DH and I did this with my races (I got so used to just spending whatever I wanted on them when I lived by myself so when we got married it was coming out of both of our money and we had other goals to save for I had to adjust my expectations and place a limit on how much I spent).
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Ugh, what a bind! It's good he's interested in getting in shape, but it does sounds like it may put a strain on your relationship and finances.
Can you just talk to him about your concerns? That you'll spend less time together and more money. You could let him know that you're somewhat upset because while you're happy this he's spending this money on something useful, there are also extra things you'd like to buy for yourself but with the way finances are, you've sacrificed them. Now you feel upset that he gets this something "extra" and you don't.
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I'm sorry he's doing this kind of intensive training - talking to him about it may help, but I could also see him feeling defensive and digging in his heels.
On the monetary front, you might consider making three separate accounts: joint, his, and hers. DH and I deposit $250 per pay period into our own individual checking account, and all the rest into joint. Anything that's truly personal (i.e. my gym membership or the flat iron I bought last month) comes out of my personal account. This way you can budget for personal stuff (that doesn't benefit the other), and he doesn't put your overall budget in jeopardy with his training, as whatever $$ he has in personal are what he has to "play" with.
Just a thought...
I would be just as frustrated as you are. The PPs had some great suggestions for trying to deal with it. Hopefully he can understand your frustration and things will work out in a way that makes both of you happy.
On a side note: my BIL went on a crazy workout plan like this and ended up telling my sister all he wanted for Christmas was a training partner (meaning her). He got a blowup doll dressed in workout clothes for Christmas. It was awesome! Your vent just reminded me of my BIL's crazy training.