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So sad for sister and wish I could help her...
My sister is in a really tough spot in her relationship. She got engaged back in February, but has put off any plans for the wedding until she and her fiance tried to work on their relationship issues 1st (smart cookie). They've been in and out of counseling, however, things are getting worse. Heres a quick synopsis:
They've been together a little over 4 years. When they met, they were both very outgoing, fun, and awesome to be around. They moved in together pretty quickly (a few months) and have been through a lot together. He has always seemed to move from job to job and always finds something wrong with his current position. My sister supported him and always tried to help in any way she could.
My sister lost about 50 lbs in the passed year and looks amazing. It seems in the passed year, he has gotten very verbally abusive and been showing signs of depression and split personality. Rght before Halloween last year, they got into a HUGE fight and my sister left and came to my house and I rec'd a text from him with a pic of a knife through my sisters halloween costume that she was in the process of finishing. That was the start of all of these issues. They were starting to get back to a good place, then hit a road block.
Now apparently he has issues with my family and while he, DH, and I were always really close throughout their relatioship- he has now decided that he hates all of us (among many other profanities he spoke about us). My sis said she doesnt even feel comfortable talking to us on the phone when hes there because he listens to everything she says and somehow starts a fight about everything.
I feel SO HORRIBLE for her. I know how hard it is to be in love with someone and not want to hurt them, or even fear they would hurt themselves if you left. I also don't want to make her feel worse and just tell her to leave because I don't want her to think I don't understand.
I just wish I knew how to get her to a better place- her life is passing her by 
Re: So sad for sister and wish I could help her...
1. You cannot "get her to a better place." Her decision to remain in this abusive relationship is her decision alone. And if she cannot talk to her own family on the phone while her fiance is home, then I would absolutely classify the relationship as controlling, at the very least.
2. If she decided to hold off setting a date to "work on relationship issues," then her fiance's sending you (and why did he send it to you?) this disturbing text wasn't the start of their issues. Moreover, assuming she saw the text, why would she even continue a relationship with someone who did something like that??
3. There is no such thing as "split personality." Depression can be a serious illness for which there are a number of treatments; however, there is nothing in your post that suggests this man is depressed. (I'm not saying he isn't; I'm saying that, if he is, this isn't reflected in your post.) Demonstrating bad behavior doesn't automatically mean someone has a psychiatric illness. Also, you say that she fears he would hurt himself if she left. Why would she think this? Has he attempted suicide or threatened that he would kill himself if she left him?
Bottom line is that your sister and her fiance require a heck of a lot more help than you can give them. If your sister's fiance does feel he has a problem, either with depression as you've suggested or, at the very least, anger management, he should pursue treatment, and they should pursue couples therapy. This situation seems beyond your ability to help... GL.
Your sister is in an abusive relationship. Destoying her things, verbally assaulting her, trying to cut her off from family (and friends).
This relationship is no good. It's too bad he is going to be hurt and upset if they break up, but it is for the best! Your sister needs to worry about herself right now. She needs to get out of that relationship and into counseling to figure out how she ended up in such a destructive relationship.
THIS!
You said they were going to counseling...i can bet my left arm that the counselor does not know everything going on. My next bet is that he tells her what can be discussed and what cant during sessions, Maybe you can suggest counseling for her alone?
Unless she is ready to see she is abused you cant do anything to help her and unfortunately if she does know it you still may not be able to help her.
Be supportive and try to get her to counseling.
This is very bad and can only get worse.
She needs to lose this guy as soon as she can.
She doesn't need anybody who is controlling or abusive; when that starts, there's no way back and it never gets better.
I don't know how anybody will be able to convince your sis that he's not good for her --- you know how it is: love is blind and you just can't tell them anything. I am sure you've seen that in a thousand places and a thousand times.:(
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This is abusive and not OK. If you don't think you can convince her, maybe if she went to counseling (alone) that would open her eyes.
The split personalities / mood swings / Dr. Jekyl Mr Hyde are also part of the abuse cycle.
Please do whatever you can to let her know that you love her and that she is a wonderful person. I also agree that you should encourage individual counseling for her too.
I think you should also research signs of an abusive relationship and you will see that he hits upon several of them.
WHy are they going to counseling? Why dont they just cut their losses and go their separate ways? You didnt mention they have kids so why in the heck are they still together?
Sounds like a good time to move on and find someone who will love her and respect her.