Family Matters
Meazman
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
no gifts for #2
Just venting, but my DS turned 1 a couple of weeks ago and not one member of my DH's family gave him a gift. I had a little birthday party when his sister turned 1 a few years ago and DH's parents and sisters brought her little things. For DS we just had a cake at home, but no official party. I guess that means no gifts for the poor thing from the inlaws. I feel annoyed with the whole situation. DH's sister is even DS's Godmother. I am also annoyed with myself for feeling annoyed! Oh well, I guess I need to just put it into perspective that DS is healthy and happy and doesn't even realize it! Thanks for listening!
Re: no gifts for #2
While gifts are never expected, I do totally understand feeling sad for you son, when compared to your DD.
My suggestion would be to have your DH talk to his parents/family. And then take it from there.
Did they know it was a "birthday" party? You said it was low key...perhaps they weren't aware that this get-together was to celebrate that event.
Does seem odd though...
Could you clarify one point? Were DH's parents and sisters invited to the cake-at-your-house event, and if invited, were they aware that this WAS your son's first birthday party?
If you had a party for your daughter, they may have expected that you were planning a party for your son, and were waiting to give gifts at that event.
flammable...but even you are treating number 2 the same as number 1...so why do you expect others to. 1 gets a party but 2 doesn't...not fair (I'm a number 2 so I'm constantly fighting for our right)...let me guess, not as many pictures either of number 2 (unless number 1 is in them)
Have a get together even after the fact, no reason not to invite your inlaws over to celebrate
People are going to treat your children differently no matter what; that's a fact of life since they *are* different! Even you, as their mother, have already started doing so...
Also, as pps have asked, were the ILs even invited to join you for cake? And, if so, did they know beforehand that this was your DSs birthday celebration? Perhaps they're expecting some sort of party later? Or you may just have to accept the fact that sSome people, even grandparents, just don't do gifts unless they feel they must. Maybe they brought one for your DD because they were invited to an "official" event but in this case they didn't see the need.
FWIW, *I* didn't even give my own kids a first birthday present. I didn't find it necessary. And to this day (they're about to turn 5 and 8), they have no idea they didn't get one and none of us care. Definitely keep perspective; all that matters is that you celebrated with your DS and he's a healthy, happy one year old!
So, they are bad for not giving gifts to baby # 2.
You on the other hand are much better. You know doingthe same for # 2 as you did #1.
Here are my follow up thoughts: I think my annoyance has much more to do with getting used to the difference in my family "culture" and my husband's family "culture." We have been married for 7 years, but I am still getting used to it! The two families come at everything completely differently. In this instance, I have 2 sisters and 2 nieces. I live 5 hours away from them but always get everyone gifts for their birthdays and vice versa. I have been to maybe one or 2 birthday parties for my nieces due to travel logistics and if they had them or not. (the oldest is 10). I would expect that immediate family gives each other presents for their birthday, party or not. My parents have 4 grandchildren and go out of their way to give gifts and make that child feel special for their birthday. My ILs have only our children for grandchildren. Their other 2 daugthers don't have kids. I guess I just felt that these are the only kids they have in their lives. They could at least get the kid a shirt or something, party or not. I don't feel the same annoyance towards extended family or neighbors and friends who know my son, because I agree that it usually is traditional to reserve presents for a party. I guess I just need to give them a break and continue to realize that we are all different.
I think the main reason that I didn't have a big party for my son is that I got laid off from my job in December so we are watching out budget this year. I figured he wouldn't know the difference between having 50 people over to the house or having cake with 4 people over. But no, I didn't say, this is the psudo birthday party ILs. You all have given me some different perspectives to consider, thanks!