What do you think? e-ring debate

Nukke

I was reading this post: http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/56068894.aspx

and it got me thinking.  If person A bought person B an engagment ring, and they both broke off the engagement, is it right for person A to ask for the ring back from person B?  Does it matter who broke it off?  

Is the ring a gift that is theirs forever, or, is it a symbol of commitment that, once broken, should be returned?

 

What say you?

Nukke

I should point out that my brother bought a very expensive custom ring for his exFI.  She broke off the engagement with him, telling him he was boring and cramping her party style.  He got the ring back from her, has it in a safety deposit box, and plans on selling it to pay for a new e-ring for his future FI. 

I fully support this situation.  I kinda feel that if he had cheated on her (which was not the case), causing her to break up with him, that she should then get to keep the ring.  Just my opinion.

lavieboheme73

Etiquette dictates that an engagement ring is considered a gift, and is therefore should not be returned when and if the couple breaks up.

That said, I say heck with etiquette.  Why would someone want to keep a ring that was a symbol of a relationship that didn't last?  I think the way your brother is handling it is completely acceptable.

Nukke

lavieboheme73:

Etiquette dictates that an engagement ring is considered a gift, and is therefore should not be returned when and if the couple breaks up.

That said, I say heck with etiquette.  Why would someone want to keep a ring that was a symbol of a relationship that didn't last?  I think the way your brother is handling it is completely acceptable.

That's the way I see it too.  Whether or gift or a symbol, why would you want that physical reminder around of a failed relationship?  I'd most certainly want to give it back.  Unless I was slighted.  Then I'd throw it back.

Shawnee11507

If it is a mutual break-up, I would give the ring back. If he cheated on me, f him, I would keep it. If he never got the ring back, going back and asking for it a year later is ridiculous.

schuette2

According to IN state law, the ring can be kept by the recipient, since it was given as a gift when the proposal took place. If it were me, however, I'd give it back because I wouldn't feel right keeping a ring that he spent hard earned money on when it's intended purpose is no longer there. That's just me.

chelley599

My sister was engaged to a guy that she had been with for 8 years.  They were 3 months away from the wedding (just after all the refund limits were up with the vendors) and he broke up with her.  Then he made her life hell...he even told his family that she was commited to a mental hospital.  Anyway she was going to give the ring back but then found out that he broke up with her and was having a baby with one of their close friends.  So needless to say, he DID NOT get the ring back.  She sold it and had a girl's night out on him.

Nukke

chelley599:

My sister was engaged to a guy that she had been with for 8 years.  They were 3 months away from the wedding (just after all the refund limits were up with the vendors) and he broke up with her.  Then he made her life hell...he even told his family that she was commited to a mental hospital.  Anyway she was going to give the ring back but then found out that he broke up with her and was having a baby with one of their close friends.  So needless to say, he DID NOT get the ring back.  She sold it and had a girl's night out on him.

That's terrible what happened to her.  But good for her for selling it!

cm10/10

Yeah I'm gonna say that if I did the breaking up-- then I'd give it back.  If he broke up with me then I'd keep it and sell it.  I consider it a gift though.  You're not expected to give back any other gifts that an X gives you, so I don't think this is any different.  The only reason I'd return it if I did the breaking up is out of guilt since it's so expensive.

becca474

Nukke:

That's the way I see it too.  Whether or gift or a symbol, why would you want that physical reminder around of a failed relationship?  I'd most certainly want to give it back.  Unless I was slighted.  Then I'd throw it back.

you took the words right out of my mouth. I agree 100%!

nfp147

Shawnee11507:

If it is a mutual break-up, I would give the ring back. If he cheated on me, f him, I would keep it. If he never got the ring back, going back and asking for it a year later is ridiculous.

This.  If he cheated, I'd sell it and buy something extravagant. 

Xan921

I think it would depend on the situation for me.  If it were a civil break up or if I did the breaking up, then I'd give it back.  But if the guy was a total a$$, I'd keep the ring and sell it...screw him lol.

With that being said, DH and I were engaged earlier in our relationship and he broke it off yet I gave the ring back.  I think I knew we'd get back together eventually (and we did 3 months later), so I didn't want to do anything hateful towards him bc I still very much loved him.

alecat9

I've always felt that if the guy breaks it off, the girl keeps the ring and if the girl breaks it off, the guy keeps the ring. (I'm not talking about who actually calls it off, but if a someone cheats, they are calling off the engagement, whether or not they are the one who actually verbally ends it or not). I wouldn't want to keep it around as a reminder, but often the ring was pretty expensive so it can go to breakup costs (like new furniture if the couple was living together, etc.)

kjhharris

Shawnee11507:

If it is a mutual break-up, I would give the ring back. If he cheated on me, f him, I would keep it. If he never got the ring back, going back and asking for it a year later is ridiculous.

This. If he cheated, I'd have no issue against selling the ring to buy something else (I wouldn't want to keep the ring as a reminder, but I might take the money and take my closest girlfriends on a delightful girl's getaway, all expenses paid by Senor Infidelity).

If we both called it off, I'd return it, and if I called it off, I'd also return it, no questions asked.