Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I think my mom may have borderline personality disorder
I'm not a doctor, but I think my mom has BPD. She has feelings of victimization sometimes to the point of paranoia. She always thinks people of discriminating against her because of her race (African-American) or religion (Islam). She is totally manipulative. She has horrible mood swings. My sister says that one minute she is having a conversation with her and the next she is ranting. I just found out she was fired from 2 jobs, but will never admit it. Also, either you're with her or you're against her. She is right, you're wrong. Period. There is a lot of mental illness in her family, including Alzheimer's, Schizophrenia, and depression.
I really want to talk to her about this, but I'm not sure how to bring it up. Her marriage is going to crap and her relationships with us have been strained. Has anyone had to deal with a parent with this type of disorder?
Re: I think my mom may have borderline personality disorder
Lots of other conditions can cause mood swings: anything hormonal can --- so can thyroid issues.
She may also be going through menopause. That certainly can cause mood swings.
It wouldn't be a bad idea for your mother to get a checkup. It's probably time for her annual, anyway. She needs her doc to screen for thyroid issues and other issues that can cause mood swings. GL.
To what end? You convince her to seek treament, she seeks help and her moods and relationships change for the better?
Do you think that's realistic? That you are going to find the perfect combination of words to convince a paranoid, possibly borderline personality that her entire worldview of being right while everyone else is wrong is somehoe more grey??
Take the weight of the world off of your shoulders. You can't magically say the right thing to your mom to motivate her to seek treatment and change. Unfortunately, this is who she is and the way she's going to be. If she seeks treatment to change, support her, but don't think you can say "something" that will change her. Sadly, you're not that powerful.
If wishing only made it so.
Nobody's asking for a pill to take to make mood swings go away. You can't expect someone to magically decide to seek treatment for symptoms she may not be aware of. Certainly being aware of any existence of a disorder would be a stepping stone to a deeper understanding of what is going on.
Please leave an update if you figure things out. This describes my brother almost to a "T. " (He is a white man, so while he never feels discriminated against, but he does hold the belief that he is right about everything, and everybody else is stupid and wrong.)
Cortlandt Place - My house blog
Unfortunately yes. Ive tried talking, reasoning, pointing out there are no friends left in her life....you name it.... She is always right. Due to the fact that she thinks that nothing she ever does is wrong, anything I say or suggest in terms of helping her is BS in her mind and I'm the idiot.
Sorry you are dealing with it, I havent spoken to mine in 4 years because of this. I couldnt take the one day being my best friend, then next day hating me, and the made up stories of what I supposedly did to "hurt her". It still hurts me so much, but seperating myself from this and surrounding myself with people who do care (especially my husband) has helped with the roller coaster of emotions. A person can only help themselves if they want to and there really isn't much you can do.
Best of luck, wish I could give better advice.
julie-She doesn't idolize people, but she will turn on you if you don't agree with her or do what she wants you to do. I'll take a look at that book.
Tarpon-Yes. She has a thyroid issue and is going through menapause, but she has possessed these traits for years. They have become more pronounced in the past few years though. I don't know if it's the medical conditions that are causing them to become worse or the fact that she is going untreated.
livinitup-I just want her to get treatment. She needs it. My sister says everytime she talks to our mom she is angry. That isn't a way to go through life.
Peanut-I will update as soon as I figure out what to do. I may not do anything. You can only help someone if they want help.
Shay-I'm sorry for you as well. I didn't talk to my mom for almost a year. I couldn't deal with the drama.
Thank you all for your responses and suggestions. I will discuss them with my sister and possibly a therapist. I don't know if I will say anything. She is a grown woman and I have my own issues to deal with. My sister and I are just concerned about her and want to help, but there is just so much we can do.
Then this most certainly is no time for her to fart around with health issues. Maybe she needs her levels tested and her meds adjusted.
You know how it is: you can only tell a patient so much; it's up to the patient to follow the doc's orders -- and you sure can't make somebody go to a doc. They have to go on their own impetus.
Wishing you the best. Good luck.