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Kicking off my Sunday with a MIL gripe
My MIL is SO strange. Granted, I know this, but she STILL never ceases to amaze me with her wierdness. Maybe a few of you out there can relate 
Everytime we see MIL, she says to me & DH, "Stop being strangers, come over & see me sometime"....."I miss you guys, I never see you -- you never come to see me"....whine whine. She always puts the relationship in DH's/our hands & never thinks she has to reciprocate.
Example: DH and I were at a wedding with IL's in June and (because IL's friends were around & there was liquor), I wouldn't say it was too too bad being around them. The day after the wedding, we were invited to the parent's of the bride's house (good friends of the IL's) for dinner. I thought this was a very nice gesture from the Bride's parents and we had a pretty good time. Well, as we were leaving, MIL did her usual whine to DH to come see her more, etc. I was an earshot away and heard this and kept my distance.
DH is no mama's boy, but he is pretty average at making an 'effort' with her. We had IL's over to dinner (I posted about this) & MIL was going on a trip the week after and said when she returned, she wanted to have us over/go to dinner with them. Never happened. Since the dinner at our house, DH has stopped over IL's house & called several times. When he stopped over IL's house, MIL knew he was coming over and was still not home. She's a teacher so she's off all Summer. Then, when DH calls IL's house, they either aren't home/don't pick up the phone and don't call back for days or, MIL will talk for maybe 5 minutes & really not ask DH anything about his/our life.
My beef today, MIL always uses FB as a means to communicate with us. DH recently got a new job, so instead of calling him to congratulate/ask him about it, she wrote on his FB wall. Umm..anyone who *knows* DH knows, he never goes on FB, I honestly don't know why he even made a page.
Today, MIL wrote on just MY page, "Thinking of you guys, miss you & love you". I.don't.get.it.one.bit. She acts like she is a plane flight away from us, when they are 5 minutes in the same borough. And, why is she writing this to me?? Write it to you son, TALK to your son....ugh.
Ok, gripe over. Thanks for the vent.
Re: Kicking off my Sunday with a MIL gripe
Agreed and ignore her as best as you can.
My H has a great aunt like this. Every time we see her, she does the passive aggressive little "I will see you soon.....I *hope* " with a small little sob and a big hug.
I just smile and say, "see you soon".
I mean, there are several people in my life who I'll say "oh, we should get together more often!" to as we're parting ways......but I don't really care to see them any more often. It's just a pleasant thing to say.
It sounds to me like your MIL doesn't know how to relate to the two of you. As a result, she is insecure about her place in your life. Rather than dealing with her concerns head-on, she is making those passive aggressive comments. Are you two comfortable with the amount of time you spend with her? If so, I think you either ignore her comments or have DH have a conversation with her about what she feels needs to change so that you can get some clear communication from her.
One of my grandmothers was like this and it did bother me...one day I point blank asked her why it was always on me.
Turns out, she had a pretty good reason that I was oblivious to.
Her life just was not busy. She could make time to see family at almost the drop of a hat. My life, on the other hand, was pretty full. A young married mother of three, running a household, work and homeschooling. My free time was very limited...and as you know, free time isn't always leisure time. There are doctor appointments, grocery shopping, car maintenance and so on. When there was any way to eek out a little me time, or me-and-my-fella time or family time for that matter, I was on it. I wasn't consciously writing my grandmother off as a possibility. My focus was just elsewhere. For me, I was going to get around to it (phone, visiting) but rarely did. When I did, it was so rare for her that she'd bring it up again and it just felt to me as if I was never going to win. Her constant reminders or suggestions were received resentfully at the point I actually called her on it.
It took me a while, but I really did see things from her side. Even agreed with a greater portion of it. She was leaving the date-setting to me, because she didn't want to be demanding of specific times, she just wanted time. Because she would not have conflicts in her schedule, she wanted me to have the freedom I would need (having tight schedules) to choose to be with her when it wouldn't be seen as a "chore".
Reflecting on it now (she died in 2008), I understand what she was doing even more. I'm submitting this not to say that your pattern of life or her motives are the same as mine and my grandmother's. Throwing this thought out there just in case it might be relevant.
This. My stepmother says these types of things to me in every conversation we have. Just like my FIL asks me how my parents are doing every time he sees me,even if I answered the same question the day before. It seems like its just conversation filler and you are reading too much into it.
I see where you're coming from & know what you mean, but it is definitely more than a convo filler. She grills DH and I about seeing her. It isn't a casual, convo slip-in, she beginss almost every convo with a guilt trip, ends the convo with the guilt trip and throws it in the middle of the convo as well. She MAKES the convo about seeing her, not other way around.
DH has tried to talk to MIL about this. He has tried to come to terms with why she feels she doesn't see us enough & how she can see us more. He has point blank put her on the spot and said she is welcome to call more, come over, etc. She always has excuses.
My mother & myself don't have a relationship - we haven't talked or seen eachother in 10+ years. It's a long, messy story. One thing she used to do (and thankfully has stopped doing since) was to send me a card with a small note in it saying, "You're in my thoughts & love you", but never actually call me or visit me. Whenever I *attempted* to have a real relationship w/her, she didn't reciprocate.
That is one, HUGE reason that I hate that MIL is this way with DH/us. It reminds me of the passive way my own mother was/is. DH tries with MIL - he does. I agree with a PP that said maybe MIL doesn't know how to relate to DH & myself. I don't know how to make her feel more comfortable or what we could do to change that? We don't shut her out of our lives, so, I really am at a loss for what we can do...
I really think this is what the issue could be & agree with this. Everytime DH tries to resolve *her* issue by saying to her something like, "Mom, if you feel you don't see me/us enough, you are welcome to stop over anytime & even call us more....". She always has excuses following that. It's very frustrating.