Etiquette gals: tacky or ok?

junebride611

DH is turning 30 in August. Would love to have all our friends join us for dinner at his favorite place (NOT fancy but probably $40 per couple.) Is it tacky to ask everyone (approx 30 people) to come celebrate and NOT pay for their meals for them? We're booking the place and getting a cake of course, but we weren't planning on paying for 30 friends (plus their kids) to eat. Is that bad? I want them to come celebrate with us, but I DO NOT want to seem cheap by not paying for their meals. What to do?? 

Also, if it IS ok to ask people to come celebrate but not pay for their dinner, HOW do I go about saying that in an invitation??

Thanks ladies!

CallMeKel

I think it's semi-tacky, but I know people do it. It just isn't something I'd personally do.

junebride611

I thought so. I've think I've decided to just bite the bullet and pay for the whole thing. You only turn 30 once.

Thanks CallMeKel! Glad someone was willing to give me the opinion my IRL friends probably wouldn't have.

Nanner22

I really just think it depends on the formality of what you're wanting to do along with your circle of friends. In my group of friends we would all expect to pay our own tabs- but that's just us. Typically whoever is "hosting" may do something like have pitchers of beer/sangria/bottles of wine for everyone to share and then maybe have some appetizers ordered or something like that. But then everyone typically picks up their own tab including whatever additional drinks they order.

Note: If you are sending out paper invitations I would assume that the you were "hosting" and not us all just "getting together" to celebrate.

 

starlettedir

Nanner22:

I really just think it depends on the formality of what you're wanting to do along with your circle of friends. In my group of friends we would all expect to pay our own tabs- but that's just us. Typically whoever is "hosting" may do something like have pitchers of beer/sangria/bottles of wine for everyone to share and then maybe have some appetizers ordered or something like that. But then everyone typically picks up their own tab including whatever additional drinks they order.

Note: If you are sending out paper invitations I would assume that the you were "hosting" and not us all just "getting together" to celebrate.

 

Ditto

rayskit10

Nanner22:

Note: If you are sending out paper invitations I would assume that the you were "hosting" and not us all just "getting together" to celebrate.

 

Yes! It's a small distinction but there is a big difference between getting a paper invite, or even a Evite, that invites you to attend and a phone call or email that says "hey, we're doing this if you want to come."

melrrr

We tend to do things like Nanner22 & Star. Dinners out are our typical celebration for any birthday, and but for one crazy exception, we have always picked up our own tabs. I think appetizers for the table is about all the birthday host has ever provided. I might do an evite and just phrase it as "join us in celebrating."  

michellebelle

Very few in my circle have the finances to pay the tab for that many people, especially since most of us drink a lot when we party.  The bill would be nearly a grand after alcohol purchases.

Like the others, we usually cover a few pitchers and apps, and of course a cake at the end.

We do typically do evites - they used to be the casual alternative to formal paper invitations that would equate to the phone call of - hey join us if you want. 

The wording would be something goofy like, "Oh my wordy, Bill is turning 30!  We're planning to get together for dinner at X and will cover the first few pitchers of [beer or margaritas] and apps for anyone who would like to join us.  Please let us know if you'd like to join by X date so we know whether we have enough to book the room or just a large table.  Hope to see you there!"

Now if you are SET on reserving the room and have to have a minimum, I'd lean toward it being more formal in which case I'd lean toward Kel's suggestion.  And in that case they'd also get a limited number of menu items in a pre-printed format on their plates and table wine/beer.  Cocktails have usually been on individual tabs in the circumstances where friends have hosted the whole meal.

txbootsy

I pay for every party that I host and I pay if I am having a birthday party.

But I am not offended, when I go to dinner parties and I have to pay.