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please resolve an argument between husband and I.
Husband's cousin just got married in a destination wedding over the weekend. They didn't invite anyone but their parents and siblings because they really wanted to get married at where they met but it would mean all their friends and family would have to travel and put a lot of cost into it. I said we should send a present anyway. He says we shouldn't because it wasn't a "real wedding." I said we could still send something to be nice and he said that people who choose not to have "real weddings" choose not to get presents.
He's stingy bastard, right?
Edit: Oh and what the heck do I get them as a gift? They don't have a registry and I hate gift certificates. Cash seems kind of weird because I would have to send them a bank issued check and that is so impersonal. They are going to Europe on their honeymoon. Any ideas?
Re: please resolve an argument between husband and I.
Pooh -- what "not a real wedding"? I guess he's a rugged traditionalist.
I'd get them a gift -- and if you can't think of a gift, send money, even if you're meh about the cash. That always helps. $50 would be fine.
A savings bond would be fine for a gift if you're not nuts about sending a check. And maybe something they can use for the kitchen -- measuring cups, a good frying pan, measuring spoons, bakeware, glassware.
Wow, that is a mean spirited opinion by your DH.
Because they will be traveling, how about traveler checks?
"Don't marry a man unless you would be PROUD to have a son exactly like him." ~ Unknown
By "should" - are you asking if you are obligated to send a gift? No. But if your H is close to his cousin, it's a nice gesture.
I don't think it makes your H a stingy jerk. It just makes him have different criteria for gift-giving. I know people who have eloped and then had showers and "after-parties," and I have rolled my eyes thinking that is a gift-grab. Other times I have not been invited to weddings and have given a gift anyway. It really depends on your relationship.
From what you posted about your H's cousins, they don't seem to expect anything. I personally think gift cards are nice if you put thought into where you purchase them. If they recently purchased a home (and are doing any fixing) you could get them a gift card to home depot or bed, bath and beyond. Or a gift card to a restaurant they like. IMO, that is more personal than a check.
Or just buy them something nice for their home - candlesticks, a platter, a nice frame....
Exactly. If you want to send a gift, send a gift. You're not obligated, but it's a nice gesture, and if it was the other way around, you'd appreciate the thought. Weddings are insanely expensive now, H and I did a backyard wedding and some people that came didn't even give us a card (mostly trashy friends we don't talk to anymore, didn't really want to invite but did anyway and in hindsight, obviously shouldn't have). It doesn't need to send anything big, but a card and a GC would be thoughtful.
Also, there's personalizationmall.com and they have these frames that you can put their names and wedding date, etc on and they're only like $25. I get them for all my friends after they have babies and everyone always loves them.
what is your reasoning? do you also think it's not a real wedding? are you one of those 'cover your plate' people?
i'm sorry, but you are tacky (which is no surprise) and so is the OP's H. (which OP thankfully realizes).
So, according to your husband, none of my grandparents had a "real wedding" because they only had a couple of guests? Your husband's being a douche.
If you want to take it upon yourself to send a card and gift, I would just send a gift card to Macy's or Target or something. Otherwise, stay out of it and let your husband explain to them that they don't deserve congratulations or a gift because they chose not to have a giant blowout party.
I would send a gift.
I also hate sending money so I agree with you there.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
So I'm a tacky stingy bastard. Whatever.
1 - it depends how close you are to the cousin. If you see them only once a year or less, eh. If you live closeby and see them often, then yes.
2 - In our family, we each take care of our own. In other words, if this is DHs cousin, HE takes care of the gift for them. I take care of my family and friends, DH takes care of his.
What, exactly, is tacky about sending a card to a couple whose wedding you weren't even invited to?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Apparently in babubhatt's world, a wedding = solicitation for gifts. You don't have to be close to the couple or even be invited to the wedding.........if you hear about the wedding through word of mouth, you're expected to send a gift.
I need her address, so I can send her announcements for every milestone event that I have in the future.
I'm in this camp. And I think destination weddings are douchey in general.
Exactly. Send a gift.
get a card and put a check in it made payable to DH's cousin or get them something for their home and put a gift receipt in there or send them some euro for their HM. there are many ideas....
are they going to have a reception at home?
why does DH believe the setting makes it 'not a real wedding'? last time I checked it was only a requirement to say the 'i dos' and sign some paperwork-the location doesn't matter.
I do not get this sentiment, how is it douchey to get married in a location that you don't live in? What constitutes a douchey destination wedding to begin with? Is it ok if the couple travels but only if they travel to a location that is convenient for most guests?
To the OP, you are not required to send a gift however your husband is a complete ass for saying that they didn't have a real wedding.
I miss you lite-brite!
It's douchey on several levels.
In the absolute best case scenario, where the couple doesn't expect or pressure anyone to attend, the destination wedding is a clear statement that scenery and location are valued over the presence of their loved ones. Of course, this best case almost never happens. What happens is that the couple's closest family and friends are pressured to spend their dear vacation time and money on a trip to a location of the couple's choice, because of course no one has anything else they'd rather do with their time and money than have someone else plan a trip for them that's all about someone else. And the people who aren't close enough to be pressured get the clear and true message that their presence is neither required nor welcome, but of course, since they're close enough to get an announcement or hear by word of mouth about the wedding, a gift is de riguer. For those relatives, like the OP and her husband, the message is "hey, we don't care enough to actually host you, but you should still send a gift."
Douchey.
Everybody's doing it! You would if you loved her.
What are you, chicken?
Would your DH have preferred they invite him to an expensive location and burden him with using his vacation on a lavish vacation / wedding?
THEN would he have given a gift?
I had a guest-less destination wedding - no parents, family, or friends were invited. People were so generous with gifts and it was so touching. I didn't expect them, but it would have made me very sad if I thought people thought my wedding (and marriage) weren't "real" because they weren't invited.
74 books read in 2011
I would repond to my DH that it was a "real marriage". And I would send a gift with or without DH's approval.
Some people look for excuses not to send gifts. That shouldn't stop you.