Already having holiday issues.

tiffany2171

My husband and I live in Pittsburgh (near my whole family), but his family is from Connecticut. We recently have bought a new home, and are super excited to stay here for the holiday. We have told my parents, and they were so happy for us to make the new memory in our new home. However, he has not told his family yet because they keep making comments about how they want us to celebrate in Connecticut with them. We suggested we would come home for Thanksgiving, or for a long weekend in the winter, but I'm afraid NOTHING will please them. Any advice on how to "gently" break the news to his family.. I really hope this will not be a problem for the rest of our married life.. and it'll only get worse once we have children! It's only August, and im wishing the holidays fly by :-(

getitdone

Unfortunately if they are going to be mad if you don't come for the holidays, there is no way to do it gently - they are going to be mad no matter what. I think your DH needs to tell them that you are ready to make a new memories in your new home. THey will be miffed, but they will get over it. Hope it works out okay

McNasty11

I disagree that it'll only get worse as you have children.  Grandparents seem to be more apt to accomidate your wishes once their grandchildren are involved.  Until that time, though, I'm guessing someone's going to be unhappy no matter what you decide. :-/ If it was me, I'd bite the bullet and split the holiday this year that way I would have that under my belt when it came time to ask them to come to me.  If you're dead set on spending your first Christmas in your new home, in your new home (and I don't blame you), then have your H talk to his family about it. Good luck!

EastCoastBride

Well, they probably keep making comments because no one has said "we're not coming home".  Maybe they will be mad, who knows.  But right now you're actually making assumptions!  You might be surprised - they might also be supportive.

Stop "suggesting" and hinting around.  Your DH just needs to say "tiff and I have been talking about the holidays and what we want to do.  As we just moved into our new home, we've decided we're going to stay here for Christmas.  We plan to come to CT, though, for Thanksgiving.  We're obviously going to really miss everyone over Christmas, but this is important to us and we're excited!". 

Accept that they might be upset at first, but give them some time to digest the news.  Again, they might understand where you're coming from and while sad, may also be supportive.  Give them a chance.

tallgirl206

Just do it! My MIL was pissed at me for a few weeks but eventually got over it, it's been a few years since we started our own traditions and while she still makes the occasional comment, she's pretty much come to accept it.

However, I've found fretting and worrying about it just makes it worse, you are adults and you're not doing anything wrong.  Stop the coddling now and just be straight-forward!!

tiffany2171

Thanks for all your advice. I guess I don't have to look at it in such a negative light. We're adults and all we can do is tell them our plans, and hope they understand. THANKS!

BlackDiamond3201

Why can't they travel to you? Or is your house not large enough? Once everyone had their own place, we all started to host a holiday. Thanksgiving happens to be a holiday that we blend the families - all of them. It's quite interesting actually, but it's a good time!

britney5603

here is what i have learned abou holidays and families... DONT WORRY ABOUt ANY ONE ELSE.. otherwise it will ruin your time..  invite his parents and your parents to celebrate with you at your house...  or tell them you will come visit at a less hecti holiday like thanksgiving... its your life.. and its expensive to visit... and his family needs to understnad that.. it cant be a one way street where you two are the only ones spending money to see them

 

JRP2008

I've had this issue too, from both sides of the family - we have to divide family time between DC and Cleveland. We live in DC and the Cleveland people don't travel well!

My best advice is try to alternate holidays as much as you can. For any holiday, just make sure both sides you know you love them and wish you could be with them. There will probably never be a holiday when both sides of the family are happy! But, wherever you spend your holiday(s) remember to enjoy them and to do what's best for you and your husband!

kmmssg

As a mom with grown children I have to agree with East Coast.  They will never stop nagging until they are firmly told this is the way it will be.  This is one of those boundaries I think young couples need to make early on.

It is harder than you think when your grown kids have been sitting by your tree every Christmas morning for God knows how many years.  By the same token, it is the natural progression that they have homes and families of their own and start their own traditions.

Get it out there, let them complain, and it will all work out.

BTW - I was in Pittsburgh last week for a conference and our hotel lost power for 14 hours due to something that happened in the filming of Batman.  I'm here to tell you that if go see the new movie and you see men rapelling down huge buildings and snow flying, that scene was shot in August!! 

 

 

tiffany2171

Ha! How funny! A few of my friends have photos of the snow scenes and the batmobile driving around town.  

 

Hopefully it'll all work out for the best. Its hard since my family is all around here and its so easy for us to drive down the road to see them, rather than the 400 in flights or 12 hours in a car! I think the sooner we tell them the better. We are going to try to head up that way for thanksgiving!

 

THANKS ALL! 

mcccd

it'll only get worse once we have children!

 

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