Military Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Question
Why does everyone on this website have a big problem with people getting married and starting a family at a young age? And what is wrong with being me being a wife that supports my husband? i've posted on a few diff. boards and all I get are negative responses so I'm just wondering why?
ae 8/15/11 -8/23/11 boy, that was fun!!! squeee!!!!
Re: Question
I told you, it's the glitter.
Why don't you care that I'm an accomplished and award winning spouse?
Because we know that your life is going to be incredibly hard and we are trying to help you. Honestly. Most of the women who replied to your posts are telling you from personal experience that being married young is very hard. Having children young is even harder.
There's nothing wrong with supporting your husband. You should absolutely support your husband. And if you two have decided together that you will take care of the house and kids and he will bring in the money, that's fine. Having an education is never a bad thing. You will be an even better mom for having one, I assure you.
Please don't rush into TTC. DH and I got pregnant with DS six weeks into our marriage. We love him to pieces, but even though we're a lot older than you, he's a lot of work. I wish we had had more time to just be married. And one of the posters in your original thread is right - there's no better time to go to school than before you have kids. I had planned to go back to school and get a master's degree as soon as we're stationed somewhere long enough for me to complete a program, but I'm not sure if that's going to happen now that DS is here.
If you and your husband are concerned about the money to pay for your school, there are tons of scholarships available to military families. In the AF, the A&FRC has tons of info on it. Hopefully someone else here can point you in the direction of the Army equivalent of the A&FRC. Housework only takes up so much time. I make our bread and pasta from scratch every week and we eat homemade meals every night, and I have a child, and I still get bored sometimes. Consider it.
Seriously, why don't you care that I won an award? It's like two feet tall and has a giant eagle on it.
Silly me! I guess that post is a lesson about what happens when you use your body for something other than incubating your husband's precious spawn!
Here's another one highlighting why you're an idiot for not even knowing how much money your husband makes and allowing your dad to handle finances while your husband is away:
http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/46889325.aspx
Sookie- you are making me laugh but since she didn't say Congrats, I will.
CONGRATS!!!!
I saw in a PP about your award and it really is a great honor!!! WOO HOO!!!!
And, sadly, life does not always work out as planned. People get sick. People die. The economy is awful.
Speaking of which, when your DH gets out of the Army at the end of his contract, he will be hard pressed to support a family of three or four. While military pay for lower enlisted is pretty low, full medical coverage is provided, in addition to his housing and subsistance allowance. In the civilian world, health coverage for a family is expensive. Food, gas, rent. . . It is expensive. What can you bring to the family, at that point, at 22 years of age, with no work history, no credit history and a shiny kitchen floor?
As a matter of fact, they flew me out to DC and everything on top of the multiple ceremonies I was able to take place in at our base for winning multiple levels of the award.
ETA: The award was for helping other families on base and being a leader among the spouses, as well as in our community.
Why thank you. Truly, it was weird to win it because there are women who I would say deserve it more than me, but it was so fun to go to DC and meet everyone. Plus, I do love my trophy. Haha.
I truly am baffled that you can't support your husband and do something for yourself at the same time, or that your husband is incapable of supporting you while he works. Millions of couples do this all the time. The two of you must be of subpar intelligence and competence if you can't handle it.
::pops in from lurking::
Dear child, no one here looks down upon young marriages. If you have actually read the responses you have been getting you would notice that many women here have been married young. I was married at 22.
What the ladies here dislike is that you have what seems to be NO concept of the road ahead of you and have completely buried your head in the sand about it. Be your own woman. Be involved in your household finances. DO NOT allow you father and father in law to have ANY input in your marriage. If you are old enough to be married you are old enough to be responsible for said marriage.
I am by no means a crazy fringe feminist but your views on your relationship and your stance on education make me want to go burn my bra.
::walks away shaking head::
I really don?t think that anyone is attacking you. You have come on to a board where many of the people are older and wiser than you. We are trying to help you see that you need to value yourself. No one should put complete faith in another person. At the end of the day things happen. People change. Jobs get lost. Then what? What if your husband gets out and cannot find a job? What if he gets laid off? Who is going to support you? Would you not find it embarrassing to ask your parents for money to buy food at 27 years old because your husband can?t find work?
I am sorry but at 18 years old I knew nothing about the world. My first job paid $25,000 and I thought that was a lot of money until I had to star paying insurance, rent, food, light, phone and things. Sure your husband might make more than $25,000 per year however it is very hard for one person to live off of that amount let alone three people.
If you want to stay home and raise your children, I don?t think any of us would say that is completely wrong. The point that you are missing is that you are not valuing yourself enough to make sure that you could take care of yourself let alone a child in the event that something might happen to your husband.
I have been taking classes online for over three years and those courses do not take that much time. In fact the amount of time you have spent on this site today you could have completed posted and written a paper for two courses.
I know that none of us are going to change your mind. I just want to say that in a few years when you grow and change. OH yeah and YOU WILL! That you don?t look back and regret what you have done. I think the worst thing in life is to look back and ask ?What if??
Picture of the trophy please. I love trophies!!!!
I'd only be able to take half of it without giving away my info. Let's just saw it's awesome.
True I did not think of that! I will just picture it in my mind!
Kidding aside. That is really a great award and honor!
Thanks. I know, my brain is much smaller than my H's and so it was really hard. Granted, I won an award but I'm sure my house and marriage suffered.
This, all of this! There are so many young glittery military wives who think they are soooo entitled and above other women because they do not have to concern themselves with a rent or mortgage, paying for health insurance, paying for school (if they even attend), and automatically assuming the role of SAHM when they are knocked up at 20 years old.
So many of you girls are fresh out of high school and so in looo000vveeee 4everrrr and "he's in the military, we have no choice but to get married!!!@#@!! If we don't then we will break up waaaahhh!!" (one of my favorite naive statements). And these women are harsh on young wives (military or not) because we/they KNOW how much you change as a person throughout your late teens and 20s. You WILL be a different person in 4 or 5 years then you are now, you don't believe it, but you will. And maybe you and your husband will survive those changes and make it through and that's great, but STATISTICALLY AND FACTUALLY YOUR MARRIAGE WILL FAIL!!!!
Guess what? When that contract is up and when DH decides to get out of the military you are going to have a VERY rude awakening. Like Smudges pointed out, what exactly are you prepared to contribute to your family with NO experience in so many areas of life. And say you and your husband do end up divorcing, now you're really screwed. Single mom, no education, little to no work experience, no money, what are you going to do then? You are young and you do not think about these things because you think "that will NEVER be me!". But it just might and you have to consider that. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
You are not going to be able to sustain yourself or your children on sparkles and Army wife pride for too much longer.
Incredibly well said. OP, please address the bold in Smudges post.
Signed,
I can work FT, keep an immaculate house, raise a kid, have dinner on the table, and support my H and his career. Boo ya.
What if both sets of your parents were to pass away unexpectedly and they have their own debts that need to be settled leaving you with no emergency fund? What then? The likelihood of this happening is slim but the mentality of self-sufficiency, both as an individual and a couple, is what you need in order to be a successful adult. Relying on your parents as your backup plan is not self-sufficient.
I'm sure 90% of the women on this board could ask for their parents' help in a catastrophic event but it wouldn't be the Plan B and that's the difference between those adult women and couples and yourself, the child bride.