Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
*Marry2daarmy*
I never get on this site anymore, really don't have the time. However, I just happened to see what was going on with the board and ran across your posts and the rude comments you got. I may be the ONLY person to say this to you, but I hope it makes a difference. No one on here knows your life story, no one knows you and your DH's relationship. I hope that you and him have a good, happy marriage. I know also that different areas in the world have different "accepted" ages of getting married. I'm from a small town, where people stay their whole lives and get married young, have babies, men are expected to work and bring in the income, etc. But, it's not like that in other places and for some reason that lifestyle is looked down upon in today's times. I'm just saying I'm not going to judge you because I don't know you. So, I hope that the posts and comments didn't get you down too much!
On another note, don't think that I am covering this is rainbows and cupcakes. Marriage is hard work at times, children are even harder. If you have any interest of working, going to school, do it before you have children. It takes A LOT longer to get school done with children, trust me. But, no matter what it CAN be done. It may not be the way you thought it would be, may not be the way other people think you should do it, but regardless it's your life.
Re: *Marry2daarmy*
First,
.
Second, it's not so much judging the "small town" lifestyle but the fact that she has no dreams or aspirations. She would get much of the same responses if she posted this as a 30 year old. There is something seriously wrong with not wanting your own identity.
Third, she has zero contingency plan should anything in her perfect little world go haywire. Unless you count running back to your parents, which I don't.
How is encouraging a young women to consider a life plan and have contingencies to take care of herself and her future children "judging"? Maybe some people are, but she is receiving sound advice and people have generally been respectful and given good, valuable feedback for OP to think about.
Seriously, just because we're not puppies and rainbows and patting her little head telling her how awesome it is that she doesnt even know how much their family's income is, does not mean the advice is not sound.
FFS, no one told her to get a divorce and get a college degree before trying again. We advised she wait to have kids and find some life plan/aspirations. How is that a bad thing?? I personally believe married couples should wait a bit and have a stable foundation in their marriage before having kids. regardless of age.
I changed my name
For some women, starting a family and being a housewife is their aspiration. I've met many women/girls through the years that have the same aspiration (even in COLLEGE believe it or not). I can't say I fully understand...considering I'm completing my second degree in May and have plans to save the world. Granted, I didn't "follow the link" on the other post so it's very possible that this girl is bat crazy. Meh
Photo bomb, yeah!
I don't think there's anything wrong with being a SAHM, not going to college, etc. But you HAVE to admit that getting married and having babies, and never gaining any higher education or job experience is hard in and of itself; doing it all while you are 18 and still exploring who you are as a person, and still growing as a couple, is even more difficult. I wish the best for any and all young married couples, but the truth of it is, not every couple makes it. It's just a crying shame for those women who find themselves loaded with no experience or education, but with kids, bills, and no more husband to rake in the money. Because that's the reality I see so often.
I think my main problem is that it really wasn't her choice, her parents (mostly father and FIL) and her H made this choice for her. She has stated this over and over again. Also she still will not have the choice of taking care of herself when her H is deployed. Her FIL is going to be doing it.
So basically she is going from one daddy to the next. Not thinking for herself, being told what and when to do things. I'm sorry but it doesn't take all day every day to clean your house.
I think there is a huge difference between being a stay at home mom/wife by choice, with life experience and a little independence and being a SAH anything because you have nothing else to do.
I grew up in a house where my parents pushed me to learn, go to school, marry at an older age so I don't understand her mind set. However, it makes me sad she will never really learn who she is.
None of us are judging her because she wants to stay home. There is nothing wrong with that choice. The real issue is that life is not puppies, rainbows and unicorns. Things happen and to not have a plan but to run home to the parents is not a wise decision. Knowing nothing about family finances and having someone else always take care of it for you is also not a wise decision. What happens when her parents are not around and if her husband is gone? She has not access to the bank accounts and no way of knowing how to pay a bill.