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vent-
I am in tears right now because of so many things. I don't want to write anything that makes my DH look like he is an a$$ whole, but I know it will come off that way. I am so tired of doing everything for everyone around my house. I love Oliver to death and love being with him, but my husband is really starting to get to me. I feel like everything I do isnt ever good enough for him. I realize we have issues, but I am just pushing them away because I am scared of what I would do. i love him so much, but i feel like my love isn't enough anymore. Its so hard for me still to leave Oliver every morning, I didnt want to be a working mom, but I know I have to until my DH is out of school. I get no help around the house and its always a mess, i am so ashamed of the way it looks and I feel like I am letting my family down. I only work part time and when I get home I take care of Oliver and then I am so tired I dont want to do anything. I try but I cant. I get so depressed that I just eat and I am sick of doing this.
I have wanted to go see my parents in WA now for awhile and I have been waiting for DH to say that we can. Now he is telling me that I need to ask my parents or my grandparents (who are visiting at the same time) for help. My parents just bought their first home (my dad is a priest the church has always provided one for them) and I know they dont have money. My grandparents have money but I am so scared of asking them for help. I hate having to ask for help in general. A ticket for me is only 500$ and then we have a 99$ companion ticket, but DH thinks is to much money. Yet he is playing on two hockey teams this winter for 430$... I feel like every time I want to do something that has a big price on it its not allowed. Its like I dont make enough money for us so I shouldn't get anything. thats how I feel. I rarely ever spend money on myself. I just really want to go see my parents so they can see Oliver and I know we can make it through the winter with the money we have in our savings.
I am just so tired and I want to take time for myself, but I feel like I never will have that time. Because I don't like leaving Oliver, but I want to.
I am not looking for answers here, just a place to let me typing be read (aka voice be heard) because i can't and wont fight it out anymore with DH. its not worth my breath.
TIA for listening to me and I give myself the right to delete this post at any given time:)
Re: vent-
And I'd be upset that he was playing on 2 hockey leagues for $400+ when he's not helping around the house. I would probably agree to 1 team (which I am guessing is about $200) since it sounds like its something he does every year. But now that you have a child he is going to have to make some sacrifices too and 2 teams sounds like a large time commitment.
Hope you can work something out to be able to go visit your parents soon.
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I'm sorry you're dealing with this...
I won't say he's an a$$hole... he's not. He's just struggling, as lots of young men (and maybe not so young) do in terms of adjusting to parenthood, marriage, how to manage money, what's "mine" and what's "ours", etc. It's common, and it's a common source of stress and tension between spouses.
You guys weren't even married 2 years when you found out about being pregnant, and it was such a surprise that, in a lot of ways, you hadn't been mentally planning for. You were already in a space where you were still hammering out communication, priority setting, how you managed your time when you were away from each other, and then Oliver gets added to the mix, adding a whole new dimension of all those things.
You're struggling (both collectively and together) with lots of things that so many couples at this stage struggle with, so keep that in mind when it seems that things are dire.
You may start thinking about budgets that include consideration for personal money (hockey), travel (all of you, one of you, whatever), and other things like that to start having agreements and expectations BEFORE issues come up where a decision has to be made.
In the meantime, you can think creatively about other ways to earn money -- some side photography jobs here and there, selling some of Oliver's stuff he's grown out of, etc. -- might make you $500 before you know it.
Hang in there!
Hugs, it all sounds very stressful.
I'm with Kathy, it sounds like you all need to align money with priorities and fun. Personally fun money has done wonders for DH and I. I don't get on him about the cost of his work golf league and he doesn't ask about my scrapbooking stuff/trips.
There was a post a few years ago on another board who had some similar DH issues with helping around the house (I don't believe they had a child). What honestly ended up working the best for the both of them was a sort chore chart. Silly as it sounds it was easier for her to write down what needs to be done and assign between each of them. I don't know if that's something that would work for you two.
Wives Unscripted
That's is not a silly idea. When couples got to marriage counseling with issues regarding housework, one of the homework assignments is to come up with a chore chart and post it in the house. You could try something like that. Hugs to you!