Surprise party fears - no show guest of honor

luciagdelopez

We are planning a surprise birthday party for my SIL.  She is turning 40.  It is 80s prom theme.

Anyhow, her DH just told us that a family member passed away (young kid hit by a car) and the funeral is on the same day.  Its her official birthday though.  So, I told him that he should still bring her since the party is planned for late in the day. 8 pm. I dont want to reschedule!

Would you feel its rude to "celebrate" after a funeral like this. 

FYI - she didnt really know the kid.  Its her husband's cousin's son who she has seen a handful of times. 

Catlawdy_____

Reschedule the party.

jj_sbride

Time for it not to be a surprise any more.

Just give her a call and let her know what you had planned.
Ask her if she would be up for it or if you should reschedule.

It's family and she and her husband may need to fill other obligations with them that day as people will be traveling in for the services.
She will also most likely be physically and emotional drained after something as somber as a funeral for a child no matter how many "times" she saw him in his lifetime.

6fsn

Ditto JJ.  Ask her what she wants to do and be prepared to cancel the party.

GatorWedsNole

What does her husband have to say?  I really think it makes sense to re-schedule.  This is definitely a sensitive time.

DancingLikeTheCrackers17

I would reschedule. 

DH's birthday is February 23, and he turned 30 this year.  I had a huge surprise party planned for him the weekend following his birthday, February 27.  2 weeks prior to his birthday we got word that my grandfather had been given 2 weeks to live (he had been battling cancer for a little under a year).  I kept the party plans, and took care of what I needed to with family.  On February 25, with grandpa barely holding on, I made the decision to cancel the party because the stress was just to much for me with grandpa and the party (no one was coming in from out of town or anything so it wasn't very inconvenient).  I had to tell DH about the party and started calling people to tell them it was cancelled.  A dear friend then took over the calls so I could focus on what else needed to be done.  The day before what should've been DH's birthday party, grandpa passed away and I was so glad I had cancelled the party on Friday instead of waiting until the day before/of which would've been the case.

I know my story is different, but I wanted to share it to let you know people understand if you cancel a party for a family situation.  They might even appreciate the sentiment in wanting her to be with her family in this time.

luciagdelopez

I guess I will be giving her a call and letting her decide. 

 Thanks.

amandasw

GatorWedsNole:

What does her husband have to say?  I really think it makes sense to re-schedule.  This is definitely a sensitive time.

ditto this - I would just ask the husband, everyone reacts differently to these things.  If I was her I would be fine going to a surprise birthday party, but others might not.

EastCoastBride

jj_sbride:

Time for it not to be a surprise any more.

Just give her a call and let her know what you had planned.
Ask her if she would be up for it or if you should reschedule.

It's family and she and her husband may need to fill other obligations with them that day as people will be traveling in for the services.
She will also most likely be physically and emotional drained after something as somber as a funeral for a child no matter how many "times" she saw him in his lifetime.

All of this.  If you want to keep it a surprise, reschedule. If you REALLY don't want to reschedule, then talk to her about it.

I really can't imagine the emotions they may be feeling after attending a child's funeral. 

KnockKnock

I agree 

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rogerskevin

Sometime it?s really frustrating to see that whatever you had planned along with the expenses ends up being rescheduled. But the thing is even if you do end up giving a treat like that. People wouldn?t be that excited and to look out for such an event. I had to postpone a surprise party for my BIL for almost 1 month cause he had a 5 year relationship break up. It?s not exactly a family loss but he wasn?t that keen.

woditaina

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