November 2010 Weddings
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Bill paying responsibilities

Who has bill paying responsibilities in your marriage?  I do most of them, DH set up & maintains 3 of our accounts.  I didn't want to "take over" and dominate the bills because I wanted it to feel like we both had a hand in managing our money.  Well, come to find out one bill didn't get paid last month, and another not since June because DH didn't get email notices about them.  I couldn't help but point out that absence of the email reminder doesn't mean that there is no money owed.  To his defense, he has a LOT of stress at work and has a ton of things to remember.  We talked last night and I'm taking on the primary "remember to pay" responsibility.  I guess this is all a learning curve for us.  We both will still have equal say in money management.

Have any of y'all experienced this same sort of learning experience?

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Re: Bill paying responsibilities

  • MH and I still pay things separately. I owned the condo for many years and he moved in with me, so I just continued to pay like I always have. We don't have any joint accounts (cellphone, car insurance, etc.) so we each maintain responsibility for paying our own bills. Sure, it doesn't seem very connected and money saving, but we have sat down and calculated it out. Strangely enough, it does make more sense to keep things separate for the time being.

    One thing that we do share are our Google calendars. That way I can see what he has coming up and vice versa. Maybe you can set something like that up for your husband with recurring reminders on bill payments, etc?

    ExerciseMilestone
  • haha Raa. I love that you mentioned Google calendar- that's what H and I do, too.  I can't share my work one with him those (privacy issues- the University doesn't allow calendars to be shared with non-employees... even though it's done through Google.)  Anyway. We also have a "random shared stuff" calendar that we dump everything in.  Weekend plans, when we have to work late, etc. 

    We also have a massive Google spreadsheet set up will our bills including total owed on CC/Loans, due dates, when payment has been scheduled, and whether or not it's cleared out bank account.  (If you want me to share it, let me know.)

    But to answer your original question- I do all of the actual paying.  H is in charge of our 'future' stuff. Savings/investments, etc.  I'm responsible for getting rid of debt ;) (and paying cell phone, utilities, etc.)  It amazes me how many bills we have to pay each month. Damn homeownership ;)

  • I'm responsible for paying all the bills. I have them saved into an Excel spreadsheet at home, but I also will make a note on our calendar that this bill is due this date and how much it is. That way DH is in the loop about when bills are coming out. It works for us. I think if I put everything on the computer, DH would be so out of the loop. We're definitely old fashioned with our wall calendar and dry erase memo board, lol.
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  • I pay everything, there is no rhyme or reason to it, I keep all the bills in a butterfly clip in the order of due date and pay em on pay day.  He gives me money each day and I deposit it and he can go thru my checkbook at any time he wants.  If I left it up to him, I'ld have bill collectors calling all day!
  • Until the beginning of July, I did all of the bill paying and money managment.  My DH recently graduated from med school and FINALLY has an income.  Now, we share the bill paying responsibilities.  This has been a HUGE relief to me.  Despite the fact that I am a CPA, I truley dislike being solely responsible for our household finances.  Probably has something to do with the fact that we were living in Washington DC with one income for the last 4 years :)
  • Jmkes - Dh and I have also had a learning curve but it played out somewhat differently.

    1. I was single until almost 30 so I am used to managing my own finances (as I am sure you are!). I am not perfect, but I have a system and keep things VERY simple (didn't even own a credit card when DH and I met).

    2. Dh actually works for a bank and is really good with practical things like money management and keeping track of bills, budgeting etc. 

    When we got married, I handed ALL of it over to him given his expertise. Our bills always get paid. BUT...

    I finally exploded one night over a few things. One, I hate not knowing what is going on. I wanted to quite my job, but Dh was telling me I couldn't due to our 2011 budget. Since he had primarily organized that budget, it was creating resentment in me... and I also had no idea WHEN I could quite because I just had no clue what our finances looked like. This wasn't "planned" it just sort of happened... Dh isn't like, power hungry or anything. We just fell into this routine.

    I also asked him if it bothers him that I am often just swiping my debit card without a clue as to what is in our account. His honest response, "Babe you're a really low spender, so no, it never occurred to me update you on our accounts."  So yeah, now he shows me the budget on a regular basis, I am giving input on areas of improvement (food expenses - yeesh!), and I see a light at the end of the tunnel career-wise.

     ETA: Forgot to mention that Dh was the one who insisted we combine all our finances asap. In his mind, marriage equals same bank account lol. So that's what triggered me handing everything over and being clueless! I am glad we're finding balance (and also glad I am not in charge either).

  • imagezaramarie81:

    Jmkes - Dh and I have also had a learning curve but it played out somewhat differently.

    1. I was single until almost 30 so I am used to managing my own finances (as I am sure you are!). I am not perfect, but I have a system and keep things VERY simple (didn't even own a credit card when DH and I met).

    2. Dh actually works for a bank and is really good with practical things like money management and keeping track of bills, budgeting etc. 

    When we got married, I handed ALL of it over to him given his expertise. Our bills always get paid. BUT...

    I finally exploded one night over a few things. One, I hate not knowing what is going on. I wanted to quite my job, but Dh was telling me I couldn't due to our 2011 budget. Since he had primarily organized that budget, it was creating resentment in me... and I also had no idea WHEN I could quite because I just had no clue what our finances looked like. This wasn't "planned" it just sort of happened... Dh isn't like, power hungry or anything. We just fell into this routine.

    I also asked him if it bothers him that I am often just swiping my debit card without a clue as to what is in our account. His honest response, "Babe you're a really low spender, so no, it never occurred to me update you on our accounts."  So yeah, now he shows me the budget on a regular basis, I am giving input on areas of improvement (food expenses - yeesh!), and I see a light at the end of the tunnel career-wise.

     ETA: Forgot to mention that Dh was the one who insisted we combine all our finances asap. In his mind, marriage equals same bank account lol. So that's what triggered me handing everything over and being clueless! I am glad we're finding balance (and also glad I am not in charge either).

    Wow!  This is so much like our situation!

    I studied finance and was on my own at a fairly early age, so very used to managing my money.  When I moved in with DH he slowly took over the finances (also not in a power-hungry way, he just had most of the money and it sort of happened).  I'm not particularly interested in being in charge, and we're about the same in terms of remembering to pay and managing money, but yeah, there's a nervousness in charging a large amount or using a debit card without knowing for sure what you have.

    DH also had the same response as your H (I'm such a low spender he never worries that I'll suddenly overdraw).  But now we have a spreadsheet of combined finances so I know what's going on.  Also, we have the complication that DH is supporting more than one household, so it's not as obvious sometimes where the money goes!

  • Temurlang - isn't it funny how this can "just happen"!? And supporting more than one household... I can only imagine the extra factors you have to consider there (but also makes sense for your DH to do so much of the financial stuff since I imagine he has a good grasp on both households).

    Another area we've had to face is just growing up with different standards... my Dh feels like a gift should be 40-100 dollars (birthdays, Christmas, etc). I am like... um, we bake each other cookies for gifts??? Lol. With our extended family, we could go broke on buying people "real" gifts.

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