My husband "pulls out" even though I have been on BC for 3 years......

drumchic214

We have been married for a little over 2 weeks. We enjoy each other so much and our passion is AMAZING! Every time that we have sex he always "pulls out" before he finishes. He does not want to get me pregnant, and I understand that but..i have been on the pill for over 3 years. I take it the same time everyday and he makes sure that I take it. I want to "finish" having sex and not have him pull out. How can I reassure him that we are good?

BlackDiamond3201

Not much... maybe use condoms. But he'll most likely pick pulling out over condoms.

Have you discussed this with him? Does he elaborate on the "I don't want to get your pregnant issue?"

Maybe you should educate him that, one, there is a small window for pregnancy and two, he also ejaculates sperm during intercourse/prior to ejaculation, so you could still get pregnant (since some do get pregnant on BC)

Otherwise you can read Taking Charge of Your Fertility and chart your cycles in a way not to conceive, but I do not know how well that works when you are on BC.

 

LadyMadrid08

BlackDiamond3201:

Otherwise you can read Taking Charge of Your Fertility and chart your cycles in a way not to conceive, but I do not know how well that works when you are on BC.

 

This won't work on BC at all because you don't ovulate if taking BC correctly.  It's nearly impossible to ovulate when taking the pill correctly (same time every single day, not missing one little pill ever).  What you could do is stop taking the pill, begin charting, and use condoms and/or diaphragm during your fertile time OR abstain during fertile time and use condoms and/or diaphragm during the rest of the month to stay extra protected.  

Wish I had some advice, but it sounds like he is just trying to be very cautious.  The only thing I could suggest is using condoms like PP said, but he probably won't be into that.   

Mash67

Just tell him, I know for me every now and then my husband will go before I do, so for him pulling out, i get gypped, so I explain it to him so that doesn't happen.   Communication is KEY!!

 

And Ditto, its alot harder than you think it is to get pregnant.  and Ditto to the Pre ***, you can still get pregnant.  I suggest you both do some research

TarponMonoxide

This is an issue; he needs to see a sex therapist to rectify it.

Did he come from a strict parental background, possibly one where there is extreme religiosity?

HRP22

I disagree with Tarpoon.  Usually pull out is against beliefs if religious.

I think he's just stuck in that teenaged fear that you cannot have enough methods of b.c.

Explain to him that there are only a few days each month that you could be fertile if you weren't taking birth control.  Then add birth control, and you aren't going to get pregnant because you aren't even ovulating.  No ovulation = no egg. No egg = no baby.

I think men (and women ) don't understand fertility and how hard it actually is.  Sure, 16 year olds f*ck like rabbits and so they are having sex sometimes multiple times a day.  No birth control and voila! they are pregnant.  Not so easy for the rest of us.

 

wtfimakat

Just tell him he doesnt have to pull out anymore. DH kept doing that even after I had been on BC for a while, so I just told him he didnt have to anymore and that was the end of it. Just talk to him.

DreamLove5708

My husband used to be like that for a little while, but once he realized I enjoy him to finish inside of me [for that connection], he started to do it with no problem. He says he still has the urge to (when I'm on birth control) but he doesn't.

Maybe you can convince him that you feel like the connection is broken if he withdraws at the moment (I do), and show him the facts and effectiveness of birth control. Let him see you take your BC regularly (such as if you're on the pill, or let him see you change your patch, etc). This may help him feel more at ease because actions speak louder than words.

 

bell2belling

What we do is we'll fool around once and he'll pull out. Then 10 minutes later we'll go at it again and then he finishes inside me when he has a much smaller load. I just don't like having to clean up that much, especially if it's been days since we've had sex. 

kkdgirl

My DH did this for years (5 to be exact) when we were dating and through a couple months into marriage. We have used condoms our entire relationship. I have been off bc for almost 2 years now and we are going to start ttc in a few months. The best way to get him comfortable in not pulling out is talking to him and educating him. If its better for you if he stays in, express that to him. 

 You can buy thin condoms if your having issues with using them for size and texture purposes. 

 

 

Purplejuly11

My husband and I have been together for almost 5 years and married for 2 of those years. I've always been in a form of birth control and even at one point the "shot" which made me gain weight like crazy... He still choices to pull out. 1. I feel like we're missing out in a deep inatment (spelling?) connection that husband and wife should experience. I've NEVER had that experience and feel like I'm missing out as well. 2. I'm taking these hormone pills and shots that made me bigger. It damn near makes me feel like what's the point! I take my pills daily correctly and I get nothing out of it :-(. I've tried talking him about it and he always says why risk it... Pulling out is just 1 more thing to make sure we do t have kids yet.... If ever... Well, I never don't want to get to experience that. Agh. It's very frustrating for me. I never ever talk about these things with friends because it's none of their business an I've turn to online sites like this to vent.

moonprincessd

Condoms is the only way to go if you want him to stop. It's recommended to use 2 forms of birth control to be on the safe side. In this case pills and pulling out is what you guys are doing. 

Even on the pill you can get pregnant, so it's normal for him to want to be cautious.

My husband and I use condoms and NFP, which you can't use if you're on birth control because you don't ovulate.

artbyallie

Purplejuly11 said:

My husband and I have been together for almost 5 years and married for 2 of those years. I've always been in a form of birth control and even at one point the "shot" which made me gain weight like crazy... He still choices to pull out. 1. I feel like we're missing out in a deep inatment (spelling?) connection that husband and wife should experience. I've NEVER had that experience and feel like I'm missing out as well. 2. I'm taking these hormone pills and shots that made me bigger. It damn near makes me feel like what's the point! I take my pills daily correctly and I get nothing out of it :-(. I've tried talking him about it and he always says why risk it... Pulling out is just 1 more thing to make sure we do t have kids yet.... If ever... Well, I never don't want to get to experience that. Agh. It's very frustrating for me. I never ever talk about these things with friends because it's none of their business an I've turn to online sites like this to vent.

1. 'intimate'

2. Let him know that pulling out is extremely unreliable and thus doesn't count as a real form of birth control anyway. If he still feels sex is risky when you're on hormonal BC, he needs to be wearing a condom because pulling out doesn't do jack shit.

3. This thread is TWO YEARS OLD. You could've just started a new thread, you know.

doeydo

Or use spermicide or a diaphragm or something.  The following is very educational about contraceptive methods http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control/birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm

oldbugle

drumchic....this may NOT be about pregnancy worries.

The actual 'cause' likely depends on the sequence of events when he "pulls-out"....does he need to use his hand/fingers to actually climax?   Where does he ejaculate?

Many young men are not able to reach climax inside the vagina becasue they have effectively 'trained' themselves to need a much greater friction due to wrong masturbation methods such as tight grip etc....so you need to be sure that he is actually able to get sufficient stimulation during intercourse to finish normally inside you.   He may be quite embarassed that he can't finish and tells you it's pregancy fear to hide his feeling of inadequacy.

Likewise, be cautious if he seems to like seeing his ejaculation onto part of your body......just as you find the idea of him ejaculating inside you an 'enhancement' so many men find and 'enhancement' with seeing their ejaculate hitting their partners body........

If you suspect these causes then you need to be gentle in how you aproach the subject and encourage a friendly discussion about what happens when he reaches a climax and how he feels about it.     

As with everything about sex, it's better to make small continuous 'gains' rather than massive changes...........If he IS physically able to finish inside you then tell him simply that it's something you want and need and arrange with him that he will finish inside during one session each week.    If you are successful with this then tell him how much you enjoy it and try to build on this beginning.       If he is unable to get enough stimulation during intercourse then don't worry as it is very treatable by the man himself, especially with the help of a good woman!  

happilyeverafter893

I've been on BC for a little over a year and my SO refuses to finish inside me ever. I reassure him I take it every day on time, never miss a pill. He says he will never finish unless we are ready for kids.