MIL vent

jacmdb

I have never been close with my MIL. DH and I have been together for almost 10 years and she had come to visit us 4 times. Once for our wedding, a random Thanksgiving, for my baby shower, and this week after Olivia was born. She had never made an effort to have a relationship with me until I got pregnant and then she was all up in my business. Anyway she got in town Friday and was suppose to stay until this Friday. DH tells me last night she is leaving today. Weird but fine with me because we have had company since the day Olivia was born. She leaves this morning without saying goodbye and then calls DH and tells him she had been crying the while way home because she felt uncomfortable here and that I don't like her. I am pissed. I was nothing but nice to her while she was here. We have different opinions on things but that doesn't mean I don't like her. I can't believe she is trying to cause drama 2 weeks after her granddaughter was born.

Mrs_W_Pookie

It sounds like she has her own middle-aged hormonal issues that are causing her to act that way.  At times my mom seems to get in a state of having delusions of persecution where she thinks I'm out to get her or something.  It sounds like your MIL might be experiencing this.  Leaving with the assumption that you don't like her and not talking to you about it first is very typical of that type of paranoia.

Would you be willing to call her at all to say you're disappointed that she left?  Maybe that way you can get the ball rolling to ensure that she's not calling your DH to talk about you behind your back.  Or do you think that wouldn't help and that she's going to be the way she is no matter what?

dollfinn19

Girl, I think we have the same MIL.  This exact thing happened to us a few weeks ago.  I have nightmares about what's going to happen after the baby's here and everyone's trying to visit.  I think I'm going to insist everyone get hotel rooms.  If they're going to think I'm a B anyway.....they can think so from their hotel room. 

Martiza

I don't have any advice, but I know it sucks. MIL has been like this since DS was born. *hugs* Now I am the bitchy DIL that doesn't love her, like her, let her do XYZ with DS. It has gotten to the point that I laugh about it. There is no compromise or discussing this with her. She has been to our house ONE time since January because she doesn't feel welcome (She lives 10 minutes away). Maybe it is bitchy, but I am not going to argue with her about this for years to come. I sincerely feel bad for DH regarding this. I assume he hears all sorts of stuff from her regarding it.

dollfinn19

DH and his mom had the following conversation via text....out of no where.

MIL: I love you.
(DH didn't respond b/c we were at dinner, he didn't hear it, etc.)
MIL:  (about an hour later) Why are you ignoring me?
DH:  I'm not, I didn't see it. 
MIL:  Oh, I thought it was because you didn't love me or like me and I was not welcome in your family's home.
(Well OF COURSE, what other conclusion is there for you to draw!?)
DH: No, never.
MIL:  Ok.

This is after she was supposed to stay at our house for about 4 days to visit.  Stayed 1, got drunk (on her own, we were not around for the drinking), embarrassed herself (picked a fight with me in front of the family saying I was mad at her, when I hadn't said or done a thing), and left......saying we were mean to her.  And she's barely talked to either of us since.

You are not alone, I feel for you.  I just grin and bear it b/c what can ya do?

cakenbake

I absolutely hate to blame things on hormones, but I'd have to agree with Pookie. I noticed my mom does stuff like that too.

Also, new children and family changes cause some hella-weird drama sometimes!

I know that doesn't help, but I hope it gets resolved. 

luckyinlove11902

It's stories like these that make me glad DH doesn't really talk to his parents. I'm really sorry she is being such a drama queen. Just try to take the high road if you can.

jenhappy

uuuuuugh. My mom can be like this sometimes. And while I am used to it from her and know how to steer her crazytrain back to its station, I don't think I would be as tolerant if it were MIL. I hope that things get better ASAP or that you are capable of just ignoring it altogether.

jacmdb

I am planning to ignore it. If she wants to explain to DH what I did than maybe I will address the situation but I don't have time for her drama. I texted SIL and she didn't know what to say. MIL won't talk to her about it. Like I said she has never been too much a part of our lives so I am not going to worry about. If she wants to be a part of her granddaughters life she needs to get over it.

PantsOffDanceOff

I am convinced that there are no pleasant and easy relationships between a woman and her husbands mom.

It sounds like you really don't like her (I don't blame you) so she's not entirely wrong even if you tried to be really nice. It only matters that you and DH are on the same page on how to handle it.

duncanpowers

Annnnnnd welcome to post-baby grandmother issues. My mother called the day I was leaving the hospital and essentially made me cry all my makeup off because she felt that DH didn't like her anymore and would never let her see the baby, after she'd seen him 3 times already. Then she proceeded to create massive drama for the following 2 months. You would think that that would be the time people would sacrifice their own drama to welcome a new member into the family, but for attention whores, it's the perfect time to create the most amazing shtstorm of drama EVER.

All you can do is have your DH call her, say he's sorry she feels that way but that he felt you were gracious and accommodating, and say he hopes she will come to see that in time. *click*

She sounds like she's not really part of the family anyway, and good riddance.