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Dare I?
Hello ladies,
Bit of an issue that I would appreciate some advice on. My cousin recently got married and as a wedding gift I made a stained glass piece of their wedding invitation design (as well as a monetary check). I thought a custom stained glass piece would be a meaningful gift and the check would be a practical one!
His new wife has listed the stained glass piece I gave them on our local Craigslist for $25. I have to admit that I am pretty P/O off and my feelings are hurt by this. I sell my artwork and so it is not shoddy craftmanship.
Deep down I know I should let it be since I gave it to them as a gift and so they can do whatever they want with it. However I am tempted to contact her about buying it since now I want it back. What do you ladies think??
Re: Dare I?
To me it depends on what kind of relationship you want down the road. To ask for it back, even paying for it, you'll be calling them out on the fact taht you "caught" them. And it could lead to them feeling very embarassed and wanting to avoid you.
Just something to think about.
As you made it yourself, I understand why you're hurt. If I were them, I'd just stick it in a corner of the basement. However, they didn't decide to do this, which is their right.
I don't feel that I'd tell them you're hurt, though. As having been a recipient of artwork that was not at all something I liked, I just know I would never give someone artwork unless I knew for an absolute fact that they liked it.
I think it's kind of dangerous territory. I understand why you're hurt, but at the same time, it's just not something that they enjoy as much as you thought they would. They shoudln't be made to feel bad for that.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I completely understand why you're hurt, but I would just ignore it and let it go.
This is the territory that comes with giving someone a handmade or home-decor-related gift. It's really awesome that you put a lot of effort and thought into this gift, but you also need to understand that that may not be everyone else's cup of tea. Like EastCoast said, they should've just put it away carefully somewhere in their house if they didn't want it ... but they didn't. And there's nothing you can do about that.
No good is going to come of things if you call them out on selling the piece. Try to put it behind you, and like a PP said don't put any future effort into making handmade gifts for them.
I'm sure it's nothing personal. People just have different tastes.
I think I'm w/ ECB reading this response. I would just let it go and be careful who you spend your time/effort on when preparing a gift next time.
Hi East Coast,
Dangerous territory is the perfect description for this- hence I am so torn! I hate causing problems and disharmony, but thinking of that work selling for $25 is eating my insides. I usually do not stained glass as gifts, but their wedding registry was WAY out of my league and I figured they liked their wedding invitations so that was the design I went with. You made some excellent points though for keeping quiet. Thanks!
If you really want the piece back, though, I'd ask a friend to buy it for you. That way you avoid any prickly issues of them knowing you "caught" them but you also get it back.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I double dog dare you to bid on it. lol They'll have a stroke. It'll let them know you know; they'll apologize; you can get a laugh out of it, and they'll probably offer to give it to you.
This is nothing to be upset over, though.You gave them a handmade gift that's not their style. If you'd given them a coffee pot, they could have sold that too, right? It's theirs. I can see being hurt a bit, but that comes with the territory.
How did you happen to find it on CL?
This is what I was going to suggest.
Jim & Kristen ~ August 19, 2006
while i can totally understand why you're hurt you gave it to them as a gift. they can do what they want to with it as it's theirs.
i've also been the recipiant of art that I either didn't want/isn't my style/have no use for. it's difficult. you appreciate the gesture but really have no use for it so it either becomes clutter or you do something with it-donate etc... (which is what I did).
leave it alone and dont ever make them anything again.
This is what I would do.
can we see it? do you have the ad?
personally I would love it, so please don't doubt your work...some people will turn their nose up at everything...
I would let it go!
I liked our invitation design, but I wouldn't want a homemade stained glass piece of artwork of it.
This definitely comes down to the issues of personal taste, and when you gift someone art you run the risk of them not liking it. Let it go.
Eh, I get that tastes can be different but I'd be pissed, too. When my husband and I got married, we received several non-registry artwork gifts. We love them not necessarily for what they are, but for who gave them to us.
Even gifts I've been given that are completely nms (many, many from my mom over the years) I accept graciously, then hide it away/donate it/get rid of it in a way that the giver will never know. Selling that type of unique piece on Craigslist in the town you both live in is extremely tacky and ungrateful.
While I'd be tempted to buy it back myself, I'd probably ask a friend to do it, because making them feel crappy back is kind of stooping to their level. And I'd love to see the piece, too, if you'll share!
I agree with this! Just offer to buy and then when you go get it/give your address, it will be funny.
I see both sides. I know you are hurt but I guess it is their "right." In any case, I hope you get it back!
I would do the same thing...she propbably doesnt know your email...sign up fpr a new one if you want...but i would buy it back and make sure she knew it. I personally wouldnt care about what issues it caused.
You said you aren't close to them. So no, I wouldn't be upset.
If i were close to the person, I might be hurt.
ECB makes some great points.
To me, I'd buy it, in my own name.
She put it out there. It's not my job to hide the fact that she'll selling my art/gift for $25. I have the asking price. I'm buying.
Personally, I'd let it go. I guess I can understand if you feel very strongly about wanting to buy it back, but that wouldn't be my natural reaction.
Confession - I give all gifts I don't like away. I don't even feel badly about it.
First, I would never have done this to begin with. I have a hard time deciding on how to decorate my own home, I would never presume to decorate someone elses.
And really, just because someone likes the look of an invitation, that does not necessarily means that look is how they decorate their home. Heck, how someone does their wedding does not necessarily indicate their decorating preferences. I am an Appalacian/Americana girl, but my wedding was downright princessy and formal - to include my invitation.
Second, and I really am not trying to be snarky, I would never give deorating gifts (unless specifically mentioned) because even if you find something that MATCHES the decor to a T, who is to say that the person WANTS additional tchotchkes or any at all. I have a toddler and live overseas. I would be hardpressed if someone were to give me anything right now.
So knowing that, even if I DID dare to buy/make something special, I would never be upset that it was not kept. As long as I got my thank you card...I would move on.
And as for the poster who said that using Craigslist in the same town is wrong? Where/how else do you suggest they get rid of it? I mean, isnt throwing it away WORSE? At least the couple is offering the item to someone who wants and appreciates it. Its not like you throw a garage sale JUST for one item...which is the whole point of Craigslist to begin with.
Which begs the question, how did the OP find out that the piece was out there to begin with?
Wow -this discussion is very similar to one I had with my husband when we got a... wait for it...a handmade "Customized" to what the giver thought our wedding would look like fairy diorama complete with glued on rhinestones, glitter, moss, crystals, marbles, etc. etc. etc. I knew this relative of DH's did this kind of stuff and did my darndest to head it off at the pass by mentioning to my MIL that I knew how much hard work she put into her pieces but they just weren't my style AT.ALL. and I'd feel terrible knowing she put so much work and effort into something that would never be out in our home. Didn't work and the message never got through to the giver. We got the fugly thing anyway. And trust me, it is fugly. DH won't let me get rid of it because it is something someone made for us with the best of intentions. I kick the box it is in every chance I get. "oops!"
I get where you're coming from - you worked hard on something and put your heart, soul and creativity to work for something you thought they'd treasure. And ya know what, they don't. You GAVE it to them as a gift. It is no longer yours. It is theirs and they get to do with it what they want. If they don't care for it, it is perfectly within their right to sell it (and really - who is going to buy a stained glass version of a wedding invite?!). I wouldn't keep the fairy diorama if I had a choice but in the interest of marital harmony, I let that one go.
I like to crochet. I make people afghans for weddings and baby showers... after asking if it is something that they'd enjoy. I know how long it takes me to do something like that and I know I don't want to waste my time on creating something if it isn't the recipients style. And I'm not at all offended if they say "thanks, but no". Then I just go get them a gift card so they can get something they'd enjoy. I guess I'd say you learned a hard lesson. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and once a gift is given, it is no longer yours to make decisions about.
It sounds like they hurt your pride. If I had made something personally, I would probably feel the same way. But utlimately it wasn't their taste and that's okay.
Why do you want it back? From what you have written, it seems like your goal is to try to shame your cousin into feeling bad for selling it. IMO, that seems really petty and not in the "gift-giving" spirit at all.
When I give a gift, I try to find something the receipient would like. Since the artwork isn't their style, wouldn't you rather that they get something that they would like and would use (such as the money from Craigslist)?
If you persist in making gifts for your extended family you will run into similar issues frequently, every crafter does. The art or craft that you put time and sweat into is not going to be to everyone's taste. How much did you really consider both of their taste, decorating and living habits before you made this piece? Did you ask either of them if they wanted a piece of your art before making this design? Have you given them a smaller item in the past to test the waters, to see if it was appreciated and displayed?
If you hang out on crafting boards similar issues will come up from time to time. Someone spends time and money making something, gives it as a gift and the receiver does not like it sufficiently to make the giver happy.
My mother quilts. She makes country style, embroidered quilts. While I appreciate the time and craft that goes into making them they are totally not my style. She understands this and did not force me to accept any for my home. We later worked together to make one quilt when I needed a new one for my bed; my husband and I picked the fabrics and a modern pattern and now it is proudly used. This quilt fits our needs and tastes so we use it but we are not interested in getting more.
In the future, you can test if a friend would like your art by giving them a small piece first that does not take a lot of effort. If the friend likes the piece and actually displays it, then consider making something larger and unique. If you really want a recipient to give you back a piece that they don't like you need to find a tasteful way to say that before you give the gift; they probably think you would be offended to get the gift back so are disposing of it quietly. Once you give a gift it is theirs to do anything with, sell or display or donate.
I have always found a way to get rid of unwanted gifts in a way that minimizes the chance of the giver ever knowing. Selling it on Craiglist in an area that the giver lives is not very bright in that respect. And for $25 no less? $25 isn't worth the giver finding out. Hide it in the basement, or give it to goodwill in another place the next time you go out of town.
And the OP said that she regularly sells her work. It's not so surprising she might be perusing such a section on her local Craigslist.
You said yourself that you are not really close to your cousin or his wife... so why would you expect them to keep something that you spent a lot of time on? They are no more obligated to keep a craft from you than they would be to keep a gift from someone else at their wedding, which, even if less crafty, was still made by someone somewhere.
As PP said, I would never want to spend a lot of time making something for someone unless I KNEW they wanted it. My cousin just got married and I am going to be making a quilt for them as a wedding gift, but his wife is coming with me to pick out the fabrics and the pattern to make sure it is something they will want to have in their home.
I don't know many people under the age of 65 who want stained glass in their home anyway, so I think that this particular gift is a little out of the ordinary and doesn't fit in with most decor styles. I would let them sell it and never bring it up. There is no point in making them feel guilty when you gave them something they didn't want. If their registry was too expensive, you could have bought them a gift card to the store where they were registered.