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working moms ?
Ive started getting some major anxiety about how I will be able to swing it all once I go back to work after the baby. The GW traffic has been horiffic all week as well as the westside highway both coming and going to work. So my commute has been 3-3.5 hrs a day. Ive been contemplating taking the train but that would mean catching the 5:28am train and not getting home until 5pm at the earliest.
I dont like being so far from home (even though its only 10 more miles from the bronx its averaging taking me 45 mins-1:30 longer to get to/from home) espically since I would be doing the daycare pick up but with traffic being so unpredictable it makes me nervous.
I know a lot of you swear by a schedule and making meals on the weekends to get you through the week. I can see how that would be helpful but in my line of work especially with the hurricane, earthquake, 9/11 and the UN General Assembly they have been ordering people into work both on their day off and if you come in they have been keeping people past their shifts. So the making meals ahead of time might not work for me. The being ordered in would become an issue once the baby is here and in daycare since the latest you can pick up is 6:30pm and its only open mon-friday.
This totally sounds like a rant and/or a vent and it was really supposed to be a "how do you do it" post.
long story short I dont think I want to stay in downtown manhattan after maternity leave but I really like what I am doing workwise now. There is no option for me in the bronx to do what I am doing. I DO WANT TO stay working I just dont know how to do both so, any suggestions you have are welcome.
Re: working moms ?
Ugh. I would second seeing if you can talk to working moms in your line of work- they can help you with those specifics.
I wish I had some advice, but honestly it is hard to balance it all. I have yet to find my groove where I feel like something is not still getting the short end of the stick.
I work in midtown and I take Metro North. Mondays, I am out of the house 12 hours (which was also my norm pre-baby). The rest of the week, I am out of the house 11 hours b/c of hubby's schedule.
It is do-able but it just takes "work". I do not make meals on the weekends for the week...I wish I did but it is not in me. I do make meals the night before or just do something on the fly.
I am lucky in that DD is not in traditional daycare. She is at my mom's 2 days and a friend's house (whom we pay) 3 days. Hubby is home in the morning so she stays with him until about noon. We then pick her up when I get off the train.
want my honest answer? I don't know how I do it. LOL 3 years later and I'm still fine tuning the whole work/life balance. I work in midtown and commute 1.25-1.5 hrs each way. I'm gone for 11 hrs at a minimum, if I don't have to work late. Before my H changed jobs I would drop off A at daycare before going to the train station. Now that he works close to home he does both drop off & pick up which is a HUGE help. I don't precook meals on the weekend either. Insted I'll do quick meals during the week (or use the crock pot to have it cook while we're at work) and we typically eat late after A's gone to bed. Sometimes my H will start dinner before I get home, but that's not very often. I do most of my cleaning on the weekends and food shop either late on weeknights or first thing saturday morning.
I would talk to other moms in your line of work to see how they juggle things. While my career is a very demanding one, each person manages things differently based on their work schedule, etc. You'll find what works right for you.
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While I am not working now, I worked for the 1st year of Jack's life AND went to school AND was pregnant. I am also the energizer bunny and run off 6-7 hours of sleep. It is not easy but manageable.
Honestly my family and ILs helped with babysitting 2-3 days a week and DH did the other days from November til May. We had a lady who we used from September to November when DH was on medical leave for almost 2 monthsand took over the childcare. I was out of the house Wednesdays from 7am-9pm because of work, commute to school and commute home. It sucked and those nights I ate leftovers or fast food. This year I have my friend watching the 2 kids on Tuesdays while I go to school and I only have to go to Wednesday classes 5 times so I am still unsure where kids will go then. We always figure it out.
DH cooks our dinners most nights, I only just started "learning" to cook and I am limited. I know your DH works also but you shouldn't be alone, he can do things too. Don't take on all the responsibility. Weekends were when I got most of my errands and cleaning done.
Can you look for untraditional babysitting because of your hours? Maybe someone who will help cooking?
Dh's Aunt and uncle were both cops in the Bronx with 4 kids, they used family and rotation of shifts until they retired.
Ditto the other ladies. You just kinda make it work. I am lucky, I dont work your typical 9-5. Although I dont get to see A as much. Mostly Im at work 2 days 10-5 and 3 days 2-9pm. I have a 40 min commute each way to work also.
Yes I cook on the weekends, throw together quick meals during the week. Sometimes we order takeout. Whatever works. I am a perfectionist and am still learning that my house will not always be clean, that I dont have to cook this fantastic meal, etc. Life will still go on.
I also agree with the other ladies about child care. Could you have family or friends watch LO? I know its not nice to say but it's much easier to schlep an infant to ppl's houses cause they are not doing much......lol. When I went back to work we paid our friends gma to watch A. And eventually have branched out to baby sitters. He would go in the afternoon and she would feed him lunch and dinner with DH picking up after 6. Since I dont need a 9 hr day of daycare, this works for us. I would definitely searce what your other options are. GL you'll make it work!
you don't do it alone. my husband is as responsible for our children and home as i am. we rotated cleaning responsibilities (and it was bare basics, usually messy anyway) until we just hired someone to clean last week, and while i do most food shopping, he can manage some if my list is detailed enough. I am considering Peapod or whatever it is for this Fall since Ava will have paid for dance and soccer on the weekends and DH will be teaching a class thru the Clarkstown Learning Center. It may be worth the cost to not food shop for a few weeks.
for Ava's first year, I worked FT in NYC, commuted 3 hrs a day, and had grad school classes all day Saturday - homework/papers/group work on Sunday and weeknights. I used vacation time to stay home and write papers while Ava was in daycare when needed. Things got a bit easier when I graduated around her first birthday.
I, like you, cannot ever work from home. I'm either at work, or not. I have very generous sick/vacation policies which are helpful.
In the beginning, my grandmother had around the clock aides, but these lovely women were bored out of their minds - my grandmother couldn't do much and was mostly bedridden. my aunt would often buy groceries and these ladies cooked some meals for us and my aunt delivered them - a lifesaver! my mom also helped out with meals on occassion. And we ate a lot of takeout.
My parents work out of their home, so if Ava was sick, they'd take care of her for that day or two so I could work. I would take off if she needed to go to the pediatrician. But they work, so they can't watch my kids full time.
our daycare is open from 7am-7pm. DH does a bulk of the drop offs and pick ups because my commute is longer and the daycare is near his office.
you figure things out. you let a lot slide. you ask for help, and accept it. it's normal to be worried about it all!
Mj and I commute about 2hrs together each day. I picked a DC near my job so that he is close by, limits how long he's in DC and gives us time together.
DC can be expensive, most of my check goes to it but the medical benefits I get from job makes it worth it. Also he'll only be in DC a couple years so while things may be tight for now it won't always be like this.
you just do what you have to to make it work for you. my schedule is similar to yours in the way that I don't know when my day is going to end - could be 3pm or could be midnight and change on a moments notice. It takes a lot of support from family or friends.
Have a ton of back up plans (for when you get stuck, the train is running late, kid is sick, snow days, etc). I'm away from K at least 12 hours a day since she was 6 weeks old. I think if you do it from the beginning, they don't know any different. But that's just me.
There are bad days and good days. You just put on the big girl panties and keep plugging along.