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Is my sister crazy? - long post
I'm not sure how to tell this short. We have a friend we've known for a long time. My best friend and I met him our first year of college. My best friend dated him some, but it was never anything serious and they stayed good friends. A few years after we had graduated, my sister met him. She ended up dating him and almost marrying him... but she didn't marry him. She broke up with him and then shortly thereafter, she met the man she did end up marrying. She's been married now for 11 years and has two children. Her husband has turned into an alcoholic and she knows he's been doing drugs. She's extremely unhappy, and I assume that she has some serious regrets. After she and this guy had broken up, we lost contact with him for a few years. During those years, he got married and had two boys. By chance, he was an engineer on a building that was being built across the street from my office. Because of that, he came back into contact with my best friend and my sister. He and his wife divorced a couple years ago.
In June, we found out that he was really sick. He was in the hospital with kidney failure. The doctors said it was a problem with his blood pressure and it was causing blood flow to be cut off to his kidneys. They got his blood pressure under control and put in a stint. They thought everything was good and he went home. Well, he wasn't good. About a month ago, he got really sick again and got to the point where he couldn't walk without a walker. He went back to the hospital. Turns out he has an extremely rare form of cancer. By the time they diagnosed him, it had metasticized to his pelvis and left leg. A week ago, he still thought he was going to be okay and was really optimistic. But then the tumor shut off blood flow to his kidneys and dialysis isn't working. They tried surgery, but there was too much cancer for them to do anything. They don't expect him to live through the day.
My sister, who has had minimal contact with him, has fallen into a state of despair. She lives in NC, and he is in Arkansas. She got in her car yesterday afternoon at 4:00pm and drove all night to get here so she could see him before he dies. She has a husband, and she raced across the country to see her ex-boyfriend before he dies. She got there in the middle of the night. They moved him home, so he is at his father's house. She went to his family's house in the middle of the night and she is still there. She's not leaving. She's holding vigil with his family who she hasn't seen or spoken to in about 14 years. She did get in contact with his sister-in-law before she did this, so they did at least know she was coming, but....
I don't understand. I don't think it's her place to be there and I can't imagine what her husband must be thinking. My best friend has had a lot of contact with him the past few years. She stayed the night a few nights with him in the hospital to relieve his dad. She is very upset, but she is not at his family's house holding vigil. I don't even know how to speak to my sister. I understand being upset. I understand regrets. I don't understand the lack of restraint. Maybe I'm the crazy one, but I think it's her.
Re: Is my sister crazy? - long post
#1-BFP 08-22-09 ~ M/C 08-31-09 at 5 weeks 6 days
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I agree 100%.
To add to the craziness, yesterday evening I had two emails from her ten year old daughter. The first said, "what have you done with my mom?" The second said, "Is my mom okay?" The house is out in the middle of nowhere and her cell phone has no reception. I'm pissed off at this point. She should be where her kids can reach her whenever they want to speak to her.
And to top it off, he apparently had affairs with a couple of married women. They have gone to the house too. One of them even has her husband there with her. She's been having her husband mow his yard since he was sick. I guess the husband just thinks he's a good friend. It's like a strange messed up soap opera. This man is dying and there are three married women sitting with his family. I'm just stunned at how this has gone down. The chaos is distracting me from the tragedy of the situation.
definitely this!
Maybe something else was going on between them that made her have such an extreme reaction.
Emotional affair maybe?
Maybe your sister's life is so uncontrollable right now, that doing this makes her feel like she's in control.
Maybe she's just crazycakes?
I just realized I said maybe a lot.
I honestly don't think her husband gives a crap. She told him at some point that she wanted to go see this guy. Her husband told her he didn't understand why, but whatever. There marriage has been horrible for a few years now. I think that is probably the source of this issue. I think that in her mind, this guy was a potential back up plan of sorts. If she could ever get up the nerve to leave, she could move back here and be with him. Now it's too late and she's freaking out.
She is still there. I talked to my best friend a bit ago and she had talked to the friend's dad. His dad asked her why she wasn't there. She explained that she has to work and she has her family. She can't drive up there and wait for him to die. She has responsibilities. His mom died from breast cancer less than a year ago and I think his dad must be latching on to whoever is willing to be there.
I talked to my mom and she still hasn't heard anything from my sister. She also got an email from my niece, so she called last night and told my niece that she was sure her mom is okay. How could a ten year old understand mommy packing up out of the blue and leaving on a Sunday afternoon? I get wanting to say goodbye, but this whole situation is nuts.