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Writing seating preferences on your RSVP card?
I just wondered if anyone else has done this or heard of someone doing this, without being prompted? Here's the story:
DH's cousin is getting married at the end of the month. It's going to be a huge family affair. Well, MIL is fighting with one of her sisters and doesn't want to sit by her (or even the same table for that matter) at the reception to try to avoid any drama. Instead of calling her sister who's hosting the wedding and making that request, she wrote on her RSVP card "Please be sure and seat me with kellslw and son." Well, aunt and cousin had alreay put us at a table full of other young couples and put MIL at a family table (but not with the other sister everyone knows she's fighting with), so I got a e-mail from aunt explaining the seating situation (the young people are going to be on a balcony overlooking the main floor) and wanting to know why MIL just didn't call or at the very least put what she was actually thinking, that she didn't want to sit by her other sister. DH and I talked about it and told aunt to just sit us with the young people and MIL will know enough people there that she'll get over it.
Then, there's the wedding on my side of the family. I was in my cousins wedding this past weekend, and my aunt purposely sat MIL next to MH since he and my family were the only people she really knew (they were at a table full of my family). When I arrived from out of town for the wedding weekend, my cousin (the bride) asks if I saw MIL's RSVP card. I said, "No, why? Did she write something on it (knowing about DH's cousin's RSVP card)." My cousin shows me the RSVP card where MIL wrote, "As I don't know many people at the wedding, please put me next to son if you could." My cousin said, "Why would she think we would put her at a table with a bunch of people she doesn't know? I didn't think we were that mean."
I guess I don't mind if you have a seating preference. I just don't think that writing it on the RSVP card is a proper way to do that. Am I the only one? I guess my thought is that if you know someone well enough to be invited to the wedding, you should be comfortable enough to call them or e-mail them with that request, especially if it's family. Just my thought.
Re: Writing seating preferences on your RSVP card?
I'm interested to hear what the others have to say.
Weddings here aren't sit-down dinners, so I'm probably not the best person to answer, but this doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me. Actually seems efficient: while you're entering their RSVP, just jot down that they'd like to sit X and you have that info already for when you do up the seating chart. Seems like it saves the hassle of you answering a separate email or phone call in what is already a busy time. But maybe my perspective's off since we don't do sit-downs.
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I agree it's not a huge deal. I just have never heard of anyone doing this, and wondered if this was something common that I'm simply not aware of. We didn't have anyone write seating preferences on the RSVP cards to our wedding, and so this is a new concept to me.
I really really wouldn't care. All I would want is for my wedding guests to be comfortable. If there is family drama, the last thing I would want is for anyone to have a ssshitty time because they're sitting close to someone they don't get along with. I really wouldn't look so much into it.
It wouldn't be a big deal to me, either.
What would bother me, however, is the family's passive aggressive approach to all come to you to discuss your MIL rather than just discuss it with your MIL directly.
I think it depends on the situation and the way it was worded.
Admittedly, I'd be a little offended if it was an obvious request (like in the case of your cousin's wedding). It reads a little like "You're clearly an idiot with bad breeding who wouldn't know it's proper to sit a guest with his/her own family, so I have to spell it out for you." I also agree that it's quite a passive aggressive approach.
On the other hand, I can see how your MIL might be thinking "Planning a wedding is super stressful. If I just write this on the card for the couple, it will help them out and not have to worry about where to sit me." That I can see is considerate and helpful.
I've never seen it done personally, but I think my response would depend on the person it came from and how I normally interact with him or her.
I detest seating assignments at receptions anyway. I guess I understand that it's etiquette, but as an adult I'm happy to choose where I'm going to sit and who I'm going to sit by on my own, TYVM. Being told where to sit makes me feel like a first grader, like the hosts aren't giving me credit for having a brain of my own.
However, I think that your MIL is a nutjob for actually writing that sort of stuff on RSVPs. It's out of line.