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I was speechless after reading a simple work email

I have a few people on my team located in India and I didn't get a response to my emails the past two days from one lady, so I sent a follow up email to see if everything was okay.

The reply was, "Sorry - I was out on medical leave (I had an abortion) and wasn't able to reply."

I am not judging her in any way, shape, or form. I was just shocked by the personal information included. I just told her I hoped she was feeling better. I had no idea how to respond.

That goes down as one of the weirdest emails I have received at work.

Dx: PCOS and short luteal phase
18 cycles (3 with our RE) - Metformin + Clomid + HCG booster did the trick!
BFP #1 6/22/09 EDD: 3/2/10 DS born: 3/8/10

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Re: I was speechless after reading a simple work email

  • Do they use "abortion" in the medical sense to mean miscarriage?  The actual medical term for miscarriage is "spontaneous abortion".
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  • That is odd. Same as you, not bc I judge, I would feel that way about getting any personal info like that. A male prof told me once he had a similar thing happen--a female student said she was out getting a boob job...
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  • Uh, that's a whole lot of personal information to share with a coworker. Indifferent
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  • Odear, I thought about that too. I still thought it was pretty personal information and don't think I'd share it with anyone at work. Maybe it isn't as sensitive a topic in India. I have no clue.

    Dx: PCOS and short luteal phase
    18 cycles (3 with our RE) - Metformin + Clomid + HCG booster did the trick!
    BFP #1 6/22/09 EDD: 3/2/10 DS born: 3/8/10

    TTC #2 since Dec 2011
    BFP #2 7/8/12 EDD: 3/18/12 M/C @ 9w1d: 8/16/12

  • It sounds like you handled it as well as you could have. I can't imagine anyone sharing that with coworkers unless she meant it as a miscarriage...but I don't know how they view that topic in India.

    Sometimes things just don't translate well. When I was in Beijing for two months, a friend asked if I liked eating "edible fungus". It took me a few minutes to realize she was referring to mushrooms. I told her if she ever came to the US to not use the phrase "edible fungus" when ordering her meals. Huh?

  • imageodear:
    Do they use "abortion" in the medical sense to mean miscarriage?  The actual medical term for miscarriage is "spontaneous abortion".

    This. Sounds like a translation issue to me.

    If it was a miscarriage, I wouldn't judge her for "oversharing". Some employees really feel the need to defend why they were out. They feel like they have to tell you so you know that it was something serious, and they weren't just goofing off. I think it is a guilt and/or loyalty issue - so not a bad thing. (I deal with employees who go on leave almost daily, and I'm continually surprised at what they share and with who!)

  • imageRed_Dahlia:

    imageodear:
    Do they use "abortion" in the medical sense to mean miscarriage?  The actual medical term for miscarriage is "spontaneous abortion".

    This. Sounds like a translation issue to me.

    If it was a miscarriage, I wouldn't judge her for "oversharing". Some employees really feel the need to defend why they were out. They feel like they have to tell you so you know that it was something serious, and they weren't just goofing off. I think it is a guilt and/or loyalty issue - so not a bad thing. (I deal with employees who go on leave on a daily basis, and I'm continually surprised at what they share and with who!)

    It's my understanding that in India if you miss one day of work you're very likely to get fired.  So this is probably the reasons she is sharing.

    Although that would get a big WTH face from me for a few minutes before I could think it though.

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  • I would assume miscarriage as well.  However, it is odd that she is sharing such personal information.  Maybe she is having a hard time with it and looking for support anywhere she can get it.  I'm not very familiar with the Indian culture so maybe things are just different.  I think your response was very sympathetic and you handled it well.
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  • imagehalfpintaggie:
    imageRed_Dahlia:

    imageodear:
    Do they use "abortion" in the medical sense to mean miscarriage?  The actual medical term for miscarriage is "spontaneous abortion".

    This. Sounds like a translation issue to me.

    If it was a miscarriage, I wouldn't judge her for "oversharing". Some employees really feel the need to defend why they were out. They feel like they have to tell you so you know that it was something serious, and they weren't just goofing off. I think it is a guilt and/or loyalty issue - so not a bad thing. (I deal with employees who go on leave on a daily basis, and I'm continually surprised at what they share and with who!)

    It's my understanding that in India if you miss one day of work you're very likely to get fired.  So this is probably the reasons she is sharing.

    Although that would get a big WTH face from me for a few minutes before I could think it though.

    The workers are direct hires for our company (they aren't contractors) so I don't think she was worried about getting fired. It could be because she felt like she needed to justify her absence, but I'm not her manager. We just work on the same project. But I work with people here who feel the need to explain what is going on if they take a sick day.

    Dx: PCOS and short luteal phase
    18 cycles (3 with our RE) - Metformin + Clomid + HCG booster did the trick!
    BFP #1 6/22/09 EDD: 3/2/10 DS born: 3/8/10

    TTC #2 since Dec 2011
    BFP #2 7/8/12 EDD: 3/18/12 M/C @ 9w1d: 8/16/12

  • I had to share with my boss when I had a miscarriage.  I was in the middle of a huge project...huge.  I couldn't just leave work during the day.  If I'd just said I'm sick I probably would have gotten close to fired.
  • Oh wow, that would have made me uncomfortable too. I do think it may be a lost in translation error though. Like you said maybe she meant "miscarriage".
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  • imageodear:
    Do they use "abortion" in the medical sense to mean miscarriage?  The actual medical term for miscarriage is "spontaneous abortion".

    This 100%.

    I feel bad for her.

  • She only missed two days of work? (yes, shocking for her to share, but also sad and shocking that she felt the need to return to work so quickly, whether it was an abortion or miscarriage).
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