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But what if I want to?
I'm currently working as a secretary. I like my job. I go to work, I make good money, then I go home and spend time with my husband, do yoga, participate at my church, etc etc.
When people ask me what I want to do, I silently think to myself - I'm doing it. Sure, I could get a better job, make more money, be more "successful"... but I want to tell them that someday my husband and I plan to have me stay home with the kids we're planning for. I've tried that before and boy, that doesn't go over well. So I make up an answer "Well, I'll be going into HR..." Meh.
It was NEVER forced upon me, and this would be completely my choice. I don't feel as though I'm limiting myself. In fact, if I went through the "successful" career track, I feel I'd be taking away from my personal goals in life. I'm not saying that anyone else should or shouldn't live how I want to live - I'm just saying I want to live how I want to live. Why is that so insulting?
I definitely appreciate the work that's been done for women in the workplace. I'm proud that I have the option to get a good job and succeed. But what if I want to succeed in a different way?
I'm nearly finished with my college degree, and I'm going to finish it... for ME. I'm not doing it so I can show it off to others. It's a personal accomplishment for bettering myself.
I'd like to know why I'm so horrible for wanting what I want - I'm not lazy, I plan to work very hard at home to better my family's life.
Thoughts?
Re: But what if I want to?
IMO it's all going to come down to a combination of the types of friends you have, the support you have from family, and your approach.
First, I wouldn't volunteer what your plans are. For one, plans can change--your DH could lose his job, you may find something you can do from home or part-time, or a host of other things. This is a personal choice and something you should keep to yourself.
Second, I'd reevaluate your "friends". If they really freak out and give the impression you are setting women back, what does that say about them?
In the end, I think the best answer (if someone asks) is to say that you're not terribly career-driven and you're happy the way things are. Period.
I have a PhD and am in a relatively competitive field. I had worked my way up the ladder somewhat, but I knew at some point we were going to have kids and I would SAH. Fortunately my field is also family-friendly, and every working mom I worked with was green with envy that I was able to SAH with my DD.
Our little Irish rose came to us on March 5, 2010
Don't drink the water.
Disclaimer: I am not an MD. Please don't PM me with pregnancy-related questions. Ask your doctor.
I agree- people are motivated to work for different reasons. I've had similar discussions with friends, and if they're seriously giving you grief for your choices vs. asking because they really want to understand and see your viewpoint, I'd question whether they were a true friend.
I have friends with kids and without, some friends have big corporate jobs and some are SAHMs or perpetual students. Women in the past fought for our rights to HAVE these choices- NOT so everyone could make the same choice!
This.
That is why women have worked so hard - so we can say "I CHOOSE to be a SAHM" or "I CHOOSE to work." It doesn't matter what you're doing, so long as it is an honest way to live. It would be one thing if you were always complaining about your life, but it doesn't sound like you are. You sound content with your path. And that's what matters.
Steps on My Spiritual Journey
You sound very self-focused. So you don't want a career -- so what? You want to be a wife, mother, and home-maker. Okay, so do that. It's not either a radical nor throwback idea. Just do it and get along with your life.
Be grateful you get to choose how to live.. Many people in life do not get the option of choosing not to work (or just staying home with children, whathaveyou), so you can hardly be surprised when others express incredulity. That you choose to interpret it as judgement against you only speaks of your nature.
i agree with the pps who said that women have worked hard in the past so that we could have the CHOICE to do what we want in our careers now. if what you choose to do is be a secretary and then stay home with your babies, then so be it. i'm glad you've found what makes you happy. there's no shame in what you're doing.
as an ardent feminist myself, i am glad we all have such choices. your "friends" should realize that one of the best things to come from the women's movement in the workplace is so much freedom of choice. shame on them.
did you not read her post? people she talks to about this seem to have a problem with it. of course she's going to take it personally and "choose to interpret it as a judgement." anyone would. step off.
Paula, I think I often get tripped up with what others think of me. Most of the people that have a problem with my goals aren't very close friends, but they are people that I used to be close with, or have connections to in some way.
I can't please anyone, and honestly, I shouldn't feel like I have to.
Thanks for the support everyone