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Heavy heart as the Holidays draw near.
My MIL passed away from Colon Cancer on March 12th of this year. The Holidays were her favorite as she always went to the extremes with decorating and shopping. She looked forward to getting dressed up and being with family.
With the Holidays drawing near I can't help but think about how this year is going to be different in so many ways. Unfortunately my MIL was not able to see the birth of her first granddaughter (C) on May 9th of this year. C is our little glimmer of happiness through a lot of this. (She is our niece from SIL)
My heart aches for my H, my SIL, and FIL. I miss her too, but obviously no where near what they do.
I guess that gets me to my point. I'm hoping to start a small family tradition (or just an occasion for this year) that might help ease some of the heart ache that will inevitably be felt this year. I'm not really sure what I'm looking at wanting to do, just something that everyone can be involved in.
Thanks ladies!
Re: Heavy heart as the Holidays draw near.
I don't have any advice, but I can tell you how sorry I feel for you. We are going through the same situation. My MIL passed away a week before christmas last year, so it wasn't much of a christmas, and then my FIL took his own life just a month later. Our family has always spent every holiday at their house, so this year we are going to try to start doing it at our house. I suggested to my DH that we light two candles in remembrance for his parents. I think that the living fire will channel the warm feelings that we have for them and it will remind us that they are with us in our hearts during this time.
Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.
I am really sorry for everything that you and your family have endured! I can't even imagine how your poor H must have felt or you!
Thank you for your kind words. I send T&Ps your way too!
I am sorry for what you are going through.
As someone who experienced something similar, we just let the holidays take us where they did. The first year was the hardest. We stayed close to home and with close family. We didn't branch out much. It was low key. Some people opted not to decorate.
I don't really recommend adding a new tradition this year. Or at least speak with the family about it before you do so. Although you have good intentions, they may not view it as such or may take it hard to start a new tradition without her. Maybe you can continue her traditions, since it seems everyone enjoyed them so much.
I'm so sorry for the loss your family will be feeling over the holiday season. I had miscarriage #2 on Christmas day, got preg. again quickly, was due ON the following Christmas day and lost that baby also. Sometimes people just don't think about how painful this time of year can be.
You didn't ask for advice so I'm not (exactly) going to give it. But I will share what we did that got us through the first couple holidays. Initially we tried to embrace the holiday despite our loss. But it sucked so hard we finally basically decided to boycott the holidays for a year or two.
Now we're almost ready to start getting back into the holiday traditions - incorporating some things we'd talked and planned to do with our kids as well as some twists to plans that reflect our new life without kids.
Again - I'm so sorry for you loss.
Late response, but:
One year we tragically lost one of my BIL's (it was going to be his 6 mos baby's first Christmas) and FIL 7 weeks apart in September.
Like your MIL, they both LOVED the holidays and the time with family. One of my H's aunts hostes Christmas that year, and she had "memory trees" set up.1 for each person very close to her and her family that has passed. She had 1 for her mother, 1 for her husbands mother, and 1 each for late BIL and FIL.
Each tree was themed with decor that reflected the individual. BIL was a fire marshall so he had trucks, American Flags, picture ornaments with family, etc etc. FIL was a car buff so his had car memorabilia. Her late mother was a seamstress so it was sewing themed and so on and so forth. The topper on each was a star with a photo of them in it.
Now, every year when we go around saying what we're thankful for, we also try and say at least 1 memory for one of the memory trees. It's a nice reminder of the people we've lost, and it lets the younger children hear stories and feel closer to them.
Edited to add: Forgot to say I'm so sorry for you loss. The loss of a loved one is never easy, especially for the first round of holidays and events without them.
I don't usually break in on boards I don't post in, but I couldn't help but feel for those of you who have lost someone and still have to deal with the holidays.
In 2006, we lost my grandma to cervical cancer 3 days after her 80th birthday. The holidays were tough, especially since we always did Christmas eve at my grandparents house - long story short, there'd been a rift in the family, so it was also a crappy Christmas because it was just going to be me, my parents, and my grandpa for Christmas eve that year. After we got back from dinner and the Christmas eve service at church, we were planning on putting in a Christmas movie to watch. I wanted to watch one we'd taped off tv years (ok, a decade) before, but what I'd grabbed on accident was a family Christmas. We wound up having Grandma with us for Christmas just because we spend the night watching family videos and reminiscing. It was an accidental pull on my part (the tape had the wrong cover on it), but it wound up working out well - used a lot of tissues.
Like someone else said, I'd recommend checking with the family first before you did something like that, but it helped heal us a little. Sorry for your loss, and good luck with the holidays.