Anyone else share a car/driver with H?

Brit's Luna154

I do and since Chennai isn't a particularly walkable or public transit friendly city, it has been a challenge so far. I am often left feeling kind of stuck in my apartment. I am technically working for a lot of those hours, but it is starting to wear on me that I don't even have the option to leave for so much of the day. If you have more experience with this situation, do you have any tips for sharing more effectively?

gblake

We share. I think we have gotten in routine, most weeks I have the car Tuesday through Thursday. I plan most appointments and activities around that schedule. DH tries to plan most of his meetings on Mondays or Fridays. It doesn't always work out but we always communicate regarding our week on Sunday or as soon as appointment is made.

oneslybookworm

We share a car, but since Eindhoven is so bike friendly, we hardly ever use it.  DH bikes to work most days (unless he has a Dutch lesson in the morning), and I bike everywhere except my violin lesson.  For the most part, we only use the car for weekend trips.

Can you two work out a schedule?  Maybe a few days a week, you drop him at work and pick him up, so that you can keep the car all day?

ExpatFamily06

We only have one car and I keep it with me.  Dh bikes to the train station and then runs to work so he never needs it. 

Brit's Luna154

oneslybookworm:

We share a car, but since Eindhoven is so bike friendly, we hardly ever use it.  DH bikes to work most days (unless he has a Dutch lesson in the morning), and I bike everywhere except my violin lesson.  For the most part, we only use the car for weekend trips.

Can you two work out a schedule?  Maybe a few days a week, you drop him at work and pick him up, so that you can keep the car all day?

I need to work harder on that. I am working an odd schedule, so I am probably contributing to the problem. I talk to Australia/US most mornings from 6-8, then I usually have a break until afternoon when I start working with China and then the US in the evening. Essentially, I'm "free" from 8 - 12 in the morning. H leaves for work at 7AM and it typically takes the driver 3 hours r/t to drop H off then make it back here. I can't go typically go with them because of my early morning meeting. This narrows my window of opportunity for leaving the house to 10 AM - noon. In theory that should be fine, in practice, it is not really enough time to do anything with the heavy traffic here.

Grumble, grumble, sob, sob. <-- Drama queen here, probably pregnant and getting way more frustrated about this than I should.

PittPurple

We don't have a car but we shared in the states for a little bit. We just worked out a schedule of me - some days I'd drop him at work, etc.

Could you just hire another driver for the day when you needed it? Maybe just build that into the budget like once a week for your sanity if your DH always needs the car for full days? I know I was surprised at how affordable it is to hire a driver in India for our trip. If you set up a regular thing, I'm sure it gets even cheaper.

ExpatFamily06

Brit's Luna154:

oneslybookworm:

We share a car, but since Eindhoven is so bike friendly, we hardly ever use it.  DH bikes to work most days (unless he has a Dutch lesson in the morning), and I bike everywhere except my violin lesson.  For the most part, we only use the car for weekend trips.

Can you two work out a schedule?  Maybe a few days a week, you drop him at work and pick him up, so that you can keep the car all day?

I need to work harder on that. I am working an odd schedule, so I am probably contributing to the problem. I talk to Australia/US most mornings from 6-8, then I usually have a break until afternoon when I start working with China and then the US in the evening. Essentially, I'm "free" from 8 - 12 in the morning. H leaves for work at 7AM and it typically takes the driver 3 hours r/t to drop H off then make it back here. I can't go typically go with them because of my early morning meeting. This narrows my window of opportunity for leaving the house to 10 AM - noon. In theory that should be fine, in practice, it is not really enough time to do anything with the heavy traffic here.

Grumble, grumble, sob, sob. <-- Drama queen here, probably pregnant and getting way more frustrated about this than I should.

Oh man, that sucks!  3 Hours?!?!

Brit's Luna154

ExpatFamily06:

Oh man, that sucks!  3 Hours?!?!

Crazy right! The craziest part is that it is only 15 km each way.

Pitt: I should look into a driver for one day per week. I have no idea how much ours costs, he was just part of our relo package.

PittPurple

Brit's Luna154:

ExpatFamily06:

Oh man, that sucks!  3 Hours?!?!

Crazy right! The craziest part is that it is only 15 km each way.

Pitt: I should look into a driver for one day per week. I have no idea how much ours costs, he was just part of our relo package.

Since you work from home, couldn't you move closer to DH's work? Not sure if that's feasible, it just seems like a long, long time to be in the car every day! 

I got a quote for a daily driver in Delhi for 1,200 Rs for 8-hours work, I'm sure it would get cheaper the more I used the service. There should definitely be options for you that will work with your schedule. 

Brit's Luna154

PittPurple:

Since you work from home, couldn't you move closer to DH's work? Not sure if that's feasible, it just seems like a long, long time to be in the car every day! 

I got a quote for a daily driver in Delhi for 1,200 Rs for 8-hours work, I'm sure it would get cheaper the more I used the service. There should definitely be options for you that will work with your schedule. 

That is very reasonable for a driver, if I could get one at that hourly rate for just two mornings per week it would seriously help my attitude. It isn't like I have that many places to go, but it would be nice to have the option. Worth ~$25/week for freedom! I think I will call our car service tomorrow to see what they can do.

ukyankee

When we're in Delhi, we just hire a driver for the day if my H's relatives need the car.  And if you were going to be doing it once a week on a specific day, you might want to have your H check and see if someone wants to do a driver share with you before just going out to hire one on your own.

Brit's Luna154

ukyankee:

When we're in Delhi, we just hire a driver for the day if my H's relatives need the car.  And if you were going to be doing it once a week on a specific day, you might want to have your H check and see if someone wants to do a driver share with you before just going out to hire one on your own.

Great idea. I don't know if any of his co-workers/families have drivers or not since he is the only non-Indian at his plant, but definitely worth checking!

Jetur20

I have the same problem - H and I share a driver so we have to do most things together or else the other person is stuck waiting for 30 minutes because someone wanted to leave 15 minutes before the other person.  It doesn't make sense so we end up going to and from work together.  I know the loss of freedom sucks.

I just try to do more stuff with my bike.  There isn't much to do though, so I don't feel this as much as you do, but I understand the frustration.

 I think you should try the driver idea, it sounds like a great option! 

kee_bb@hotmail.com

I had the same problem! I recently just moved back from the Philippines, so now it's not an issue, but when I was there I always felt trapped because I didn't have my own car. In the end we were able to compromise a little bit. The driver would take him to work in the morning, and then come get me and take me where ever I needed to go, I just had to be back in time for the driver to pick him up from work. It took a lot of planning, but in the end it helped. 

jupiter2311

We're sharing a car right now just to save some money since I'm not working at the moment. We've worked out a schedule so that I drop DH off at the bridge to Saudi, sun-mon and he carpools with his coworkers. I just didn't want to not have a car when he's not in the same country as me . And he'll take the car Tues-Thurs when he works in Bahrain, if I need it during those days, I'll just take him to work and back. In any case, I agree with the PPs, sounds like getting a driver in India is pretty reasonable, so I think for the "freedom" feeling, it would be worth looking into

Brit's Luna154

Thank you all for responding. I am so glad that I'm not the only person in this situation. I was kind of feeling like an idiot for agreeing to come here without my own transportation and I know that none of my IRL friends would understand the situation. I mentioned to my mom that I was struggling with it and she for sure didn't get it, she immediately jumped to the conclusion that H was trying to keep me at home or something - totally not the case, it just isn't that simple...or maybe it is if I look for a second part time driver. My American brain just assumed that we couldn't afford one, sounds like that probably isn't the case.

PittPurple

Brit's Luna154:

I know that none of my IRL friends would understand the situation. I mentioned to my mom that I was struggling with it and she for sure didn't get it, she immediately jumped to the conclusion that H was trying to keep me at home or something - totally not the case, it just isn't that simple...

Yeah, we don't have a car and most of our American friends and family just find that inexplicable. Some of them just keep (after over 5 years) making comments about it. 

I think it will be easier than you think to just have a personal driver. And then you can totally bring that up in random conversations with people back home :-)

MrsBini10

Yes, we share. Wish we had a driver! What we have been doing is H has to be at work at 5am so he takes the car. A coworker picks me up for work at 7. After school H is done with work at 1pm so he comes and gets me. If one of us has the day off the other either has the car all day or one of us drives the other to work and picks them up. It's annoying but it's the best we can do right now. If I weren't so freaking pg I'd take the bus to work but it just involves too much walking right now, and the T doesn't start running til 5am which puts H out of luck for public transit too.

Johlise

I know I'm in the US, but we only have one car as well. In the summer it's ok because H will bike to work since he works a 5 min car drive away. That way I have the car. Other mornings I get up and bring him to work. If I don't need the car then H takes it to work. It gets frustrating though because then if I do happen to have to run errands for something I have to wait till he gets home.

Johlise

I know I'm in the US, but we only have one car as well. In the summer it's ok because H will bike to work since he works a 5 min car drive away. That way I have the car. Other mornings I get up and bring him to work. If I don't need the car then H takes it to work. It gets frustrating though because then if I do happen to have to run errands for something I have to wait till he gets home.  We just can't justify buying a second car right now, paying more loans and more insurance.

Tofumonkey

In China we both just took taxis everywhere. We got taxi fare from the money closet in the bedroom. Life was good.

Not sure why we left...

MrsBini10

Tofumonkey:

In China we both just took taxis everywhere. We got taxi fare from the money closet in the bedroom. Life was good.

Not sure why we left...

Money closet? Tell me more.

sabae

How about biking?  I rarely drive, and I've felt that my world has expanded since I bought a bike a few months ago.

Brit's Luna154

sabae:

How about biking?  I rarely drive, and I've felt that my world has expanded since I bought a bike a few months ago.

Biking through India traffic scares me! Plus, I'm pregnant and only supposed to ride stationary bikes from here on out. If we were in the US or Europe or somewhere more bike friendly, I would probably talk H into biking to work, but here it just doesn't seem all that safe.

Publius

Are taxis an option there? We currently only have one car (currently in the market for a second) and I've been taking taxis everywhere. It's getting old but it isn't that bad.