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intro and vent

Hi all. We have recently moved out of state. First time away from home for both of us (even college). It was all peachy at the beginning. But now I am mad. Mad that I miss home like crazy. Mad that my husband has the job of his dreams and is blossoming professionally and I am stuck at home with no job or friends. I just dont think he gets it. I am a teacher with no job prospects yet...dont know anyone either so that mkes it that much more diffiuclt. I feel left in the dust with my clorox and scrubbing bubbles. He has an established place where he get to hang out with people. I miss my people. I am mad that he took me away from my people although I went willingly and never objected. I am not used to this at all. As a teacher I talked all day long and was on people overload at times and didnt even want to talk to anyone after work. Thats how he is sometimes. But then its the only time to see and talk to him and to him the evening time is his downtime.

I am feeling very resentful. I guess no frirends or people interaction with do that to you. Crying

Has anyone ever done this? Are these feelings normal? When do they go away?

Re: intro and vent

  • I certainly understand missing your friends, family and old job but then again you aren't chained to the house either.  As an adult, you have to realize that it is harder to make friends now and you have to put yourself out there more.  You could volunteer and I am sure that your background in teaching would make you very valuable.  I know there are online groups like meetup.org  that make it easier for people to make friends.  Are you religious?  You could always join a church and see what kind of volunteer and social activities are available.
  • I went through this almost exactly. My husband and I moved to a state where we didn't know a soul. He started medical school, and I was unemployed.

    The problem you have is that you're making him your only source of entertainment, which put a lot of pressure on him. You'll end up making him want to avoid coming home to you if you bombard him the moment he comes in the door.

    What got me through it all (and I was depressed, lonely, etc.) was starting off by getting a part time job. Not glamorous, but it holds you over and gets you socializing. Then I joined a gym as well--got me fit, got rid of my depression, got me meeting people.

    Try joining up with people with similar interests at meetup.com, take exercise classes, join a baking class, etc. Volunteering is also an awesome way to meet people. What are your interests? Go volunteer at an animal shelter or something.

     Professionally, I say apply for substitute positions, volunteer to tutor, and start networking (I recommend creating a profile on LinkedIn and joining networking groups). You need to get fresh things on your resume, and although tutoring and substituting are not ideal, they're a lot better than moping around, plus it will fill employment gaps on your resume`.

    You need to get out there and moving before you get in a serious rut. You have the opportunity to be in a new place, go take advantage of that.

  • Where did you move to? I lost a job before we got married and I went from being a supervisor who talked to people all day to...there really aren't words for how feel when you are suddenly home all day alone with nothing to do. I started geocaching more (got me out of the house and exercise), I walked my dog a lot more. We have now moved to a new area (same general geographical location, but different county) and are cut off from most of my family (freeways suck butt) so I have started running near our home with the dog, and geocaching, and keeping myself out of the house as much as possible. I also am an extensive organic home gardener, so I keep myself busy with that while I am home.

    You are a teacher, take a coaching class and become a coach. It's a great way to get into schools and give you a little contact with the outside world. I coach football and the earth science teacher is getting ready to retire (I have my ph.d in geophysics)-principal has asked me if I would consider taking over part time next year and if it all works out become the new ES teacher. Get yourself out there-it'll be okay.

  • Volunteer, volunteer, volunteer!! :) You will get out of the house and make new friends.

    Check with your local: 

    Children's Hospital
    United Way Chapter
    VA Hospital
    Hospice Groups
    Nursing Homes
    Women's Shelter's
    Homeless Shelter
    Red Cross
    Your local elementary and middle schools
    Town Library
    Humane Society
    American Heart Association
    Any disease or disorder that is close to your heart, call their local chapter and ask how you can help.

    Helping others, is the BEST way to make yourself feel better.  Check out:

    http://www.volunteermatch.org/

    http://www.serve.gov/

    Hugs!

    Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~ Elizabeth Stone
    "Don't marry a man unless you would be PROUD to have a son exactly like him." ~ Unknown
  • I could have written this - twice. I moved to Seattle from Chicago and then from Seattle to Quebec City for my husband's job. I'm adventurous and love discovering a new place and when good opportunities come up, I believe in taking them.

    I met and made good friends in Seattle through my job but it took awhile, so hang in there. 

    But QC has been really, really difficult because I don't speak French much. I go to language school during the day and have met some people but it's really hard. I work as a freelancer and there are really no jobs in my field. And yes, I resent my husband sometimes for this even though it was my choice to move. 

    You really need to get out of the house. Join as many groups with your interests as you can. Fill up your calendar. What are your hobbies? I took so many classes in Seattle - writing classes, etc. It eventually became home but it took a long time. Here, I'm trying to do the same thing.  

    I feel you.  

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