extremely rude or are we overreacting?

MeganBM

My husband and I love to entertain.  We usually invite my brother and his girlfriend to come and hang out neither of us have kids but share common interests.  Last weekend we finally got married, and are now the only married couple in our group of friends.  On sundays we usually invite a bunch of ppl for football.  this is usually planned atleast a week out, and we get food and beer/ beverages to provide for our guests.  Today ONE person showed up, after atleast 5 others said they would come.  now we are left with all this food.  its not so much that we have left overs, but we still have yet to hear from anyone on why theyre not here?!  I told my husband that were not entertaining for awhile.  I think it is rude that people cant even just let us know that theyre not coming.  How do we approach this issue?? 

TarHeels&Rebels

Welcome to the board

While it sounds like this was a super casual thing and that guests didn't think they had to RSVP, we'll be the first group to say that guests are an inconsiderate bunch.  They just don't think about everything that goes into preparing to host.

Since I've had this happen to me, no less for a fancy dinner party with expensive food and hours of prep, I don't know what to tell you   But welcome and you found the right place to commiserate.  

katarczyna

Maybe weekly is too often, where people don't feel that you put much effort into it. (Not that you don't, but if you "host" weekly, how much prep can there really be?)

I agree guests are rude and you should cool it on the invitations and hosting for a while. 

 

Side question - how much food are you providing if the three of you had no leftovers, but you were expecting 7? 

6fsn

It kind of depends on how the invite was worded.  A text that said "stop by" vs even a phone call "let me know if you can come."  How have things gone in the past?  Did people RSVP? Is this the first time you've had so many no-shows?

It may just be a fluke.  It may be that they never thought it made a difference.  It may be that they are rude.  Next time you talk to them just ask.  Then next time you want to host, be sure to ask who's coming.

kat- I think she meant that the leftovers weren't an issue.  not that they didn't have any.  I re-read it a couple of times.

MeganBM

oh we have left overs- meatballs are on the menu every night this week :-x.....  We dont have large groups every weekend, typically just the brother and his gf.  it was talked about in person then relayed through texts through out the week, that ppl will be coming/ let us know. 

BlackDiamond3201

If I tell someone I am going to be somewhere and then I am unable to show up, I let them know. But I do have some friends that fall into the category of always having something come up and failing to call.

Is this out of the ordinary for those who didn't show?

 

erosa

I can't imagine having people over every single weekend, but if its something you're going to keep doing with your same group of friends, I'd start doing it as a potluck.  I'd make sure that doesn't happen again.  That sounds like it can get expensive if you're always hosting.  Plus if people don't show up, you won't really have tons of stuff left over.

wejustwant2:)

I feel your pain!  Don't have much to add - except that please don't take it personally.  Guests have gotten extremely rude re: No RSVP, Late arrivals, the "Maybe we'll try to make it" RSVP and yours the "No Show, No Call" kind.

I got tired of this type of very casual entertaining exactly for that reason - now I only throw one or two big parties a year and send a paper invitation with an RSVP cut-off date.  And I still have NO RSVPs etc.  have to guess my guest count.

BTW - Congratulations on your recent marriage.

 

 

lsgarver

I agree with the others.  I don't think it's weird that you would host every weekend and I don't think it's weird that you would make a lot of food for it.  Some people go tot he bar every weekend, some people go to the farmers' market every weekend, some people have friends over to watch the game every weekend.

But, that does leave you open to people having other plans one day or just not feeling like committing yet another Sunday to hanging out at your house.  That DOES NOT exempt them from telling you they aren't coming if they know you're expecting them.

I'd say hold off on the invites for awhile and then start back up with a more sporadic schedule.  Be explicit about getting an RSVP and send a simple "We're still on for today--see you at noon?" confirmation text or email the morning of.

5thOfJuly

The good news is that meatballs freeze well!

randimarie86

I feel your pain! My husband and I love to entertain, and we are the type that like to do everything, so a guest bringing a dish is optional for them. We have friends that say they'll be here, then when they do not show up and we call/text them, they don't answer/respond, and we won't hear from them for a week! And that piisses me off more than anything. It's like they think we'll get mad that they're not coming. I guess it doesn't help that my husband does not bite his tongue, and when the repeat offenders say they will come, he ALWAYS calls them out about it, in front of people. You can tell it bothers them, but they still do it.

If I am in charge of inviting, I just don't invite them anymore. Less headache for me trying to figure who will actually be here. But my husband always invites everyone.

sjb&apa

Yes, I think it was rude for your guests to say they were coming, and then not show up. I would be crabby about it too, and I think it's fine to cool it on the invites for awhile.

Not that it's excusable for anyone to do that kind of thing, but if you're the first among your friends to get married, I'm guessing you're on the younger side. Your friends might not be used to having "grown up" parties where the host makes a bunch of food/drinks and there's a good amount of effort put into hosting a party. Maybe they're used to parties where everyone chips in to order pizza and drinks are BYOB? Do any of these friends ever host parties at their homes where they prepare a bunch of food/drinks like you did? If not, they probably have no idea how annoying it is to do all that work and then not have people show up. It doesn't excuse their behavior, but it might explain why they didn't think it was a big enough deal to call and let you know that they're not attending.