Military Nesties
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Spinoff of the opsec/persec post...
When your husband is deployed, who DO you tell? Who do you not tell? Would you tell classmates? Just close friends and family? Would you mention it on facebook? Do you mention it on here?
Just curious.
Re: Spinoff of the opsec/persec post...
I don't purposely run and tell everyone I know, but if it comes up in conversation I don't hide it. I think I made a post not long after he left for deployment last time, but not for the underways. I do tell people on here (or TK) because I have gotten really close with a lot of the ladies on there.
I used to be super paranoid about ever mentioning it because then people knew I was alone, but now that we have an alarm system I don't care as much.
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This sums it up for me. Most people thought he was just on one super long deployment since he got back last time and then turned around and deployed again.
Sometimes I almost think it's easier to just make a general FB status about it so people know. H is on an underway now, and even though we were just home and people knew he was leaving right after we got home, people still text and call me saying he didn't answer their text, and then say they didn't know he was gone.
For us and where we live, it's kind of easy to figure out when your H is deployed anyways. He is on a carrier, and the only one at this base. It's always on the news when they pull out and come home. There are other ships as well, but there's a really good chance that when his ship is out most of the Navy wives are alone.
I disagree with the last statement. You are much more of an easy target when someone knows you are home alone. I don't try to keep it quiet, but I sure as hell don't advertise the fact.
With DH being NG and living in a non-military community, that probably plays into things as well.
I mention it in casual conversation with people I know. My church knew he was deployed as did my family.
I wouldn't mention it on FB. I mention it here but infrequently and certainly not with any sort of ticker. I didn't mention my husband at all on my blog while he was gone except when he returned.
I wouldn't tell the cashier in Target, kwim? But I don't think it needs to be some huge secret that no one should know. There are a dozen and a half things that can put you at risk of a break in or bad intentions. If it isn't the deployment, it's something else. Just be careful, have some common sense, and trust your instincts.
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I normally don't tell people -work, neighbors, until after the fact or that he is underway for a while. My parents usually know sooner. I find that I fell safer if noone knows that I am alone.
Of course my family and friends will know. It's not a big deal to know that he's "deployed." It's such a nonspecific phrase. I don't share on the phone when he's coming back and which airports it's to and from. I tell my family where he is, and they of course know where he's coming from, but I don't articulate it. I won't say he's flying through airports x, y, and z. I'll simply say that soon I'll see him, but he might be traveling for 40 hours, with no contact, so I don't actually know (which is true. I've never had a squadron be part of his deployment; it's all guess work based on what he tells me).
I don't say times or days, only saying things like soon. Also, H always travels on his own, so there's not large troop movement.
I figure if I speak the way H does to me, and he's paranoid, I'm doing well.
When he deploys again I'll tell family, friends, and my neighbors on one side of us. They're super friendly, retired military, and have already offered to take the dog when we have to head to the hospital. There is no reason to NOT tell them, and plenty of safety reasons to make sure they know that it'll just me be, baby, and the dog.
That being said, I don't go around wearing dog tags or a shirt that says "My other half is in Afghanistan." Be smart about it, but I don't see me going into Starbucks alone while my H is home is any more/less dangerous than going in with him gone. I don't mention him to the clerk when he's home, and I won't mention him when he's gone either. No biggie.
I usually put something on FB. But ive always lived far away from most people on my friends list, and on Post. Like when he deployed and I was in Hawaii, the only people on my friends list in Hawaii were people in DHs company. So they were alone too. I also have my privacy settings really tight. So I may have 400 friends but only like 100 see everything I post. On here I might mention it next time now that Im here but just so I can complain when I have a bad day.
My family and his family knows and anything I tell them is usually general stuff unless we are in person. Plus they always forget what unit DH is in so they just say "he is deployed with the army". It literally took my mom over a year to remember Schofield Baracks haha.
I think as long as you are smart about it, it shouldnt be a big deal. Use common sense.
Family, friends, and definitely my boss.
I don't mention it on fb, but I'll mention that I miss him or something a few weeks/month in if I feel like it. Though, that's not much different than me saying I'd like to see him now and he's not even deployed. We get roughly 25 minutes a day together between our schedules, so there's a lot of "I miss you"s in our relationship lately.
I tell my friends, family and people I work with. I mention on facebook that I had a skype date or something like praying for my husband. If someone that knows me and ask about H, I wouldn't hide it. I just don't give dates of coming and goings. Like I would never say "Hey y'all, H is coming home on July 15 at 2:30 p.m. and is flying through Ten-buck-two."
I don't wear dog tags or shirts "My other half is in Afghanistan or Iraq" but I don't wear Army Wife or I love my solider when he is home. That is just not my style.
I've mentioned his upcoming one in passing on here. Our families, closest friends and my bosses know, but that's about it. I probably won't mention it on FB, but we have a lot of mutual friends on FB, so we've talked about him not flat-out saying that's going.
If someone asks, I'll say that he's gone [but won't ever say when he's leaving or coming home]...but as others have said, I won't go broadcasting it.
I don't really avoid mentioning it, but I don't volunteer the information unless there is a reason the person I am interacting with ought to know...
Folks I work with have a general understanding of when my husband deploys/redeploys. It impacts my availability for certain work activities, so I keep my boss informed. Most of my office has little connection to the military, so every now and then I field a wacky question from someone. They mean well.
Friends find out fairly quickly - most are mutual friends, so if they don't find out from me, they find out from DH. If I can't trust my friends with information about being home alone, I can't trust anyone, and I can't live that way.
And, really - I lived alone before I got married to DH. It wasn't hard, I didn't feel like a target, I didn't feel unsafe, etc... The only particular concern I have when DH is deployed is someone specifically targetting me _because_ of the deployment. News stories like the ones shared on here are my bigger concern, not some random stranger hearing I'm home alone and trying to come after me. The best way to avoid that is to be informed about what the normal communication processes are, and to not give anyone the benefit of the doubt. Personal security doesn't mean shutting yourself off from the world, it means taking information and people with a grain of salt - don't always take them at face value. Over time, you can build up trust with someone, but don't immediately give it to a stranger.
Photo bomb, yeah!