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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
MOH in wedding vs. Family funeral
need advice...my husband's grandmother passed away over the weekend, this is the 2nd grandparent he has lost in the last 30 days. His family scheduled the funeral for this Saturday. My best friend is getting married this weekend as well...I am the matron of honor in her destination wedding, we were planning on being gone from Thursday until Monday. Now that the funeral is scheduled he has decided to stay home from the wedding, would you stay home and attend the funeral or continue with the plans on going to the wedding and being the MOH?
Re: MOH in wedding vs. Family funeral
Go to the wedding.
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My first instinct is that you should go to the wedding.
If I were you and my H was telling me that he really needed me with him, that this was so difficult for him, etc., I might waver.
Does your husband need you there for support? If he's good, and you REALLY feel like he's good, go to the wedding. But also make sure you'll do your best to be "in tune" with the wedding and MOH duties. If you don't think you can, or your mind will be preoccupied with what's going on with the funeral, you should stay with your husband.
My friend had to attend a funeral the morning of my wedding day, and she missed my ceremony (I was adamant about it starting on time, and it did), came to my reception late (she wasn't in the wedding party though), sad, didn't want to eat, and made my new husband slightly mad because she was talking constantly about the funeral and making me sad, So just make sure you can really be completely there for your friend if you attend the wedding.
This.
If h needed me, I'd stay. But neither of us would feel like that. We are very close to our grandparents, but we have supportive family as well. We would both be fine for a day and would push the other to go to the wedding. I had to miss his Grandfather's funeral because I couldn't take off work.
I'd ask my husband what he'd want, and do that. I mean, it's not his 9th cousin 400 times removed, it's his grandmother.
He may tell you it's fine, go to the wedding. If he does, I'd go to the wedding.
This! Your first priority should be your husband. If he says go, then go. I'd expect the same if the situation was reversed and he was in the wedding and it was your family member.
I'm on the side of go to the wedding, BUT, I do think you need to ask your DH and see how he feels. If he agrees, go.
~Benjamin Franklin
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Can someone budge here?
If you were instrumental to the funeral, they would have scheduled it for Monday so you could come home early and attend. That says a lot about how important you are to this. This might be reasonable in a small family or ridiculous if there are boatloads of survivors.
Of course, this is your BFF who could possibly tweak her date until Sunday and allow you to switch your flight and come in for the actual ceremony.
unless DH really needs you id go to the wedding.
can you go to the wake(s) instead?
Depends on what DH wanted me to do. He would be honest with me on whether or not he needed me to be at the service with him.
What? I think that would be impossible, to "tweak" a wedding date. Think of all the people hired to help on wedding day, in addition to all of the other guests who have made arrangements to attend.
This
actually you're with the majority as most replied they would talk with DH and see what's up-which is making him a priority.
The OP stated that this particular wedding is a destination wedding.
"My best friend is getting married this weekend as well...I am the matron of honor in her destination wedding, we were planning on being gone from Thursday until Monday."
As such, the move frome Saturday to Sunday may not be a huge deal. The few destination weddings I've attended could have easily been re-arranged to 24 hours later.
this is the craziest thing ever.
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I wouldn't even think of staying home, even if it was my OWN grandmother. You made a committment to your friend months ago, for one of the most important days of her life. His grandma is already gone. He may feel the need to "say goodbye," but you're not needed for that.
Call and check up on him, of course, but be with your friend.
Really?
In my world people make accommodations. My niece's best friend moved her wedding in Hawaii by a day because of a snowstorm that grounded my niece (her MOH) and and her FILs at JFK. The resort was very gracious about it. One of my friend's MIL rescheduled her own DH's funeral to include her son who died a few days later. She felt if would be less stressful for her grandchildren to have the funeral service combined. The men had indivdiual visitations and burials in two different cemetaries and it was an awfully long day but both churches and funeral homes made it work. My mother scheduled her older sister's funeral to allow me to attend my MIL's with DH. My aunt and MIL died within minutes of each other 800 miles apart.
Even Prince Charles rescheduled his second wedding to the next day when the Pope died. I have a commemorative mug with the orginal date on it.
Ask your husband.
When my grandmother died, DH did not come with me to her memorial service. What I really needed from him was to stay home and be with our girls so that I didn't have to pull them out of school, worry about them on the trip, take them on a boat (the service was at sea), etc. He would have absolutely come if I'd wanted, but I told him no and he knew that I meant it.
I'd hate to disappoint my friend, but if my DH needed me...well, he's my best friend and my highest priority (along with our girls) so that would trump the wedding. But if he has a support system and can/will go alone to the funeral, then I'd attend the wedding solo.
I'm sorry for your loss.
You are comparing the OP to Prince Charles? Really. Of course a prince can change his date. He can do what ever the hell he wants, lol.
I had a domestic destination wedding with 222 guests. It would have been INCREDIBLY rude for me to move the date last minute. The other guests would have been SOL with lost plane tickets and such. Just because the OP was planning to make a long weekend of it doesn't mean all or most of the guests were. How insane is it for a bride to ask her guests to change their hotels/plane tickets/babysitters last minute just for one person?
I would go to the wedding.