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Blah.
***Might be mostly for those not TTC or BNOTB, but all thoughts are welcome***
Commiserate with me a moment please.
I love kids. I'm great with them; I teach them from ages 4yrs old to 18, so I'd better be good with them, and enjoy them right?!
I think baby clothes are cute, I like the thought of making my own baby food one day, and cutting sandwiches for lunches with cookie cutters to make them more appealing. I have baby names picked out...all that good stuff.
BUT, we're not TTC. At all. We want our quiet, our freedom, our money, our new house; ourselves to ourselves. In fact the thought of having a baby right now would make me want to cry. I'm just not ready for that full-time job.
And lately, (prob. b/c people are getting married over the next few months) it seems everyone wants me pregnant. And when I give my speech about waiting and not yet, and no thank you, all I hear is teasing and snark about how, "Maybe Branz shouldn't have kids after all" because I'm not all gaga for a baby at this moment. The truth is I like little kids better then babies (flame away) but OF COURSE I will love my baby. Duuuuh.
But just because I don't appreciate a 2 yr old banging our TV remote on my husband's keyboard (which happened at a shower I threw recently...) does not mean I hate kids, or that I don't want them one day.
I am very particular about my home, and kids in my home kind of freak me out because they run around, and touch things and climb things...you know, act like kids...but my house is not child-proof, because no kids live there!!! So I tend to hover and internally panic when I see the parents sitting on their azzes while their babies and kids bang on my sliding glass door...yet somehow that means I shouldn't have children???
It seriously got me down last night and today. I started to wonder if there's any truth to their comments.
My DH was like are you having a mid-life-baby-crisis?? I'm like, well I hope it's not mid-life, I want to live past 54...
:,-(
Re: Blah.
Don't be disheartened Branz, the fact that you have put some thought into having a child, rather than just jumping in feet first means you will make a good Mother. Making the decision to have them later instead of now just shows you are more responsible.
I have no idea why people would tease you for this....?
Enjoy your child free, clean home while you can!
P.s A friend of DH's came over the other day with his child, and it was totally uncomfortable, we didn't have anything to feed or amuse her, not even a plastic cup to give her for a drink of water. She was touching stuff the parents certainly couldn't afford to replace, and I was getting very anxious.
Don't listen to them. There is no truth to what they are saying, they don't know what you're feeling. For whatever reason *they* want you to have a baby, and when they can't pressure you into it, they get snarky. It is not a decision that is anyone's business. They can go kick rocks.
I feel like I could have written you exact post. I constantly deal with the same thing. People just assume that since you are married that you are going to jump to the next step. DH and I are not really baby people. And I agree with you that I like kids more than babies. I think that is perfectly OK.
People sometimes need a reality check that we are all not ready to pop out a kid. And some of us may NEVER be ready. In the meantime, enjoy your financial freedom, you social life, enjoy your careers, your clean car, you restful nights of sleep, your alcoholic beverages, your mornings to sleep in, your lack of debt, your ability to leave the house in less than a minute. Enjoy carrying around a small purse, still having a sex life, your skinny body and your perky boobs. I know I am!!
Don't let people get you down. I think that there are a lot of people who are BNOTB out there. HOwever, since we are not a prime retail target, people forget about us. Hang in there!
Wow. It's like you took the words straight from my brain. This is exactly how I feel.
I don't know how old you are, but I'm only 23 and DH will be 25 next month. We don't want kids for a while. In fact, most of our friends aren't even married yet. I don't want to be my only friend that married AND has a kid! I want to enjoy my life without kids; they don't go away once you've got them. I love my freedom of being able to leave when I want and have date nights with DH when we want.
If I were to get pregnant right now, I would probably have a panic attack and bawl. I have no clue what would happen after that, but I can guarantee that I would not be excited or happy about it in the least. I get that some people are ready for that so soon after getting married, and that's cool if it's for them. I want at least 4-6 years without kids before we even start TTC.
We're ready for kids emotionally, but not financially. DH and I have a salary that he needs to hit before we will TTC. It's probably higher than most people make in 2 years of work, but that's the lifestyle we want to give our children. No exceptions.
I don't get asked about having kids by any family. I really don't get teased about it from friends either, because most of ours are still in college or just newly married. My parents were in their late 20s/early 30s when the got married and I was born a little under 2 years later. They were ready; they had the financial means. I'm almost 24 and DH will be 26 soon. I'm pretty dang young. And I have no doubt that in general, a 28 year old is more mature than me at 23.
I don't think that just because you enjoy children more than babies means you're not cut out to be a mom. Anyone who tells you differently is an idiot. Guess what! As a whole, I can't stand other people's children! I loved my baby cousins when they were actually babies (I still love them!), but just regular joes that I meet out in the world? Nope. I still want to be a mother. I will love my own kids and I will be able to teach them exactly how I see fit.
I have one friend in particular that's said before that she and her DH will TTC again once they feel their first child isn't so much a baby anymore. That's pathetic. branz, at least you're not one of those whackos who are more in love with the idea of a baby than raising a tiny human being to become an adult someday!
Honestly, I'd give the snark right back to these people who are saying maybe you should have kids after all. I'd absolutely tell them 'Maybe you should mind your own business after all'
Do the creep.
I'm really sorry that you are dealing with all of that!! That is ridiculous that your friends would tell you that you aren't cut out to have children!! I would be furious. It's nobody's business when you and your DH decide to have children besides yours. I think it's great that you guys know that you don't want to have any now. Just like I wouldn't want other people trying to tell me that they don't think that us having a baby now is the "right time", it's the same thing with not having children at the "right time" (if that makes sense...)
Plus I just have to add that I totally feel you on the whole - people letting their kids run a muck. I HATE when parents just ignore the fact that their children are causing havoc in public or at other people house. It's not cute!! I'm fairly positive that my child is going to grow up hating me because I am going to demand respect and won't allow him to act like an idiot. Just because you don't feel comfortable with all of that does NOT mean that you wont make a good parents. It means that you are going to make an AMAZING parent!!
I respect you guys for really thinking through this decision and coming up with whats best for you! Tell your friends to shove it :-)
I agree with louie! And I hear OP about parents who sit back and let their kids wreak havec! This past year has been just brutal with regards to people saying the wrong thing just for the sake of saying something...I don't think it's a secret that DH and I are TTC and are now officially in the Trouble TTC (T-TTC) boat, but if you are not ready yet, then that is fantastic...because it is YOUR choice and YOUR decision - not someone else's!
I had a student the other day tell me that it's time for me to have a baby because the other 2 teachers that got married last year are there (one had the baby in June and the other is due in Dec)...I was holding the June little one and 'said student' didn't mean any harm of course, but after that encounter, I went to my car and bawled...they just don't know how the 'innocent comments' can really cause some hurt feelings.
I actually once told someone (attempting to be polite/funny and not snap) to get outta my uterus!! lol
Cheer up branz - when you and DH decide to be parents, it will be on your terms and you will be great!
omg I just want you all to know...I love you. All of you. And not just cuz I have had a glass of wine...!
But you really truly are helping quell my "freak out" moment here with your reassurances and similar stories. Good grief, when things get to you like this, you get self-centered and think you're the only one, you know? (well, obviously I do)
But OF COURSE you girls get it. And of course you must be going through some form of this nonsense too. You all rock. :-) And thanks so much!
And lately, (prob. b/c people are getting married over the next few months) it seems everyone wants me pregnant. And when I give my speech about waiting and not yet, and no thank you, all I hear is teasing and snark about how, "Maybe Branz shouldn't have kids after all" because I'm not all gaga for a baby at this moment. The truth is I like little kids better then babies (flame away) but OF COURSE I will love my baby. Duuuuh.
Me too! So I don't think that has anything to do with being a good mom
I'm sorry people are putting so much pressure on you. It does seem like as soon as we got married, the world decided it was time for us all to have kids. I think you got excellent advice/thoughts from PPs. It's a personal decision, and I think people know when they want/are ready to have a baby. Definitely not something to let anyone push you into, or make you feel bad for feeling not ready.