Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I can't find my DH
Please don't judge me if this is terribly incoherent. I am shaking so bad right now, I can barely type.
Woke up at 3:30 am to an empty bed. Searched the apartment, no DH. Called his phone twice, no answer. DH has been working ridiculous hours lately, but I figured 3:30 AM is much too early to be at work. So, called him again, no answer.
At 3:45 am I decided to drive to his work to see if he was there. Circled the parking lot twice. Did not see his car. At this point I started crying uncontrollably. Pulled the car over. Sat for a while. What do I do when I can't find my DH in the middle of the night?
At this point I'm thinking he's cheating. Or after I went to bed he went at a friend's house for a drink and got busted for a DUI. Or is dead in a ditch.
I feel so sick. How can I go to work in a couple hours and act like I'm okay? How am I supposed to function today?
I know that I haven't been the best wife lately. I just got my first teaching job and have been working 10-12 hour days. I'm exhausted all the time. I'm not saying that excuses anything, I just understand my part in this.
I guess I'm here because there is no way I can tell anyone IRL right now. It's 4:30 in the morning. What would I say? But also, I know that it will be way too easy to believe whatever story he tells me in the morning. Or it will be way too easy to accept his apology. I need TIP to help me stay strong.
No matter where he is, leaving in the middle of the night without telling your wife, is not okay.
Re: I can't find my DH
Ok so now change the locks so when he does come back he cant get in. Have all his shiot packed and put it outside the door.
There is no way he isnt cheating. He didnt get up to go to a friends to drink...please.
How could you forgive a man who did this to you?
Have you been having problems lately? I know you said you havent been a good wife lately, but your reasons were for working long hours and being tired. Working hard =/= being a bad wife, unless you are coming home overtired and being a psychopath. I think you need to elaborate on this.
I think there may be a reasonable explanation if this is 100% out of character for him.
Call out sick and wait for him to come home. If I were you I might even park your car around the block in case he is waiting until you leave to come home for some reason.
You would think that if he were cheating he would at least answer his phone to cover his ass with a good story. How in the world is he going to come up with a believable story now? Not that you should've or would've believed him if he did answer his phone with an excuse, but it will be even harder for him now.
Even if he did go into work that early or to a friend's house, why on earth wouldn't he have let you know that he left or at least left a note. That's pretty inconsiderate. Something sounds fishy. He was probably hoping to get back before you noticed.
I agree with whoever said to call in to work and park your car around the block so he thinks you're gone and see if he comes home. Be prepared to kick him out after he tells you what's going on.
I"m going to second call thecops and the hospitals.
Withhold everything else for now--come back when he gives you his explanation and fill us in.
When was the last time you saw him? Did he come home last night? This post baffles me. I don't see how the above statement warrents d-bag worthy behavior from your DH. It doesn't give him the right to not come home at night or call you to let you know what is going on. A grown up man who respects you would talk to you.
If you can, find a way to go directly to his workplace; go there a few hours after work starts -- see if he is there.
If he's there, great -- and he'd better have a very good reason for vanishing.
I don't want to be an alarmist but if you don't see him turn up within 24 hours, file a missing persons report.
In the meanwhile check local hospitals.
Wishing you luck --- keep us posted.
Dude, he better be in a fuuking coma, okay?
Yes, call in to work this morning and then call the hospitals, etc. But even if dude took a header into a telephone pole, he did so on his way to or from doing dirty. There's no way dude just slips his ass out of bed without telling you where he's gone for shiits and giggles.
Click me, click me!
I really hope your H is okay. My first thought (if this was MH) would be that some horrible accident had befallen him and he couldn't get help. I'd be calling the police station and the hospitals with his license plate number and a description of him.
In the event that he is okay, I don't see where he could have been all night long. I agree with the idea of calling in sick, parking your car around the corner and seeing if he comes home. I hope he has some excuse that makes sense (though I can't think of one).
I'm sorry you're going through this. Know that we're here if you need help or want to vent.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
It sounded to me like she went to bed without him, thinking he'd be home at some point. When he wasn't home yet at 3:30 was when she started to worry.
That's how I read it anyway, but it is early and I haven't had my tea yet.
That's what I thought at first to but the part where she mentions 3:45am being too early to go into work made it seem like they went to bed together. IDK.
I read it as he was there when she went to bed, she woke up at 3:30 to him being gone. She initially thought maybe he left after she went to bed to hang out with his friends or possibly got up early to go to work.
I'm with ESD. If he hadn't come home at all, I would think she'd have said 3:45 is too late to still be at work.
Click me, click me!
Ah, yes, early being the key word.
Still definitely cheating.
What put me firmly in the camp of WTFisDoucheAssDoing is that her first instinct was to drive up to work and see if he was there.
Something tells me she's been thisclose to playing smell his diik for quite some time.
Click me, click me!
If I woke up and my DH wasn't there I would be terrified. The last thought that would cross my mind is that he was up to something. My mind wouldn't jump to cheating, it would jump to scary sad stuff.
Ditto on calling cops and hospitals. Also, why can't you tell others? I would be calling so many people, his mom, my family, wanting to know the last someone heard from him. Searching our online cell phone records for calls, maybe the cops could do that?
I hope everything turns out okay.
I'm assuming she doesn't want to tell anyone because she has a sneaking thought that he's out doing something (someone?) he's not supposed to be.
Sketchy. Whatever he is doing, it's something that he shouldn't be. Otherwise, he would share it with you.
If he never came home, I would be worried. If he disappeared after we went to bed together, I would be livid.
Why do you think you will automatically accept any story that he gives you? Do you really think this is the best you deserve? A husband who has no respect for you whatsoever?
Tell us what has led up to this. What other douche moves has your husband pulled that you have overlooked?
Wow. I hope you've called in to work and made some calls to the police/hospitals.
I hope he is safe and sound, then I hope you kick him in the nards with your pointiest shoe for making you worry so much.
If he's not at work or in the hospital, he's probably cheating. I'm sorry.
That was my thought too. Although, I think I would call his family and ask them if they talked to him so that he could be embarassed by the whole thing if, indeed, he is cheating.
My XH pulled this stunt, and I'm embarrassed to say, more than once.
Pack his shiit and put it on the front porch. Change the locks. This is NOT your fault.
First, breathe. Inhale & exhale. Try to calm yourself as best you can because operating on high alert is emotionally & physically exhausting. You'll pass out eventually. Get some water, and have you eaten? Even if you just have a little bit of bread etc.
Definitely call into work today. You are in no state to be working.
I would actually go check the hospitals in the area, the cops, and other emergency services. Do you have the number of any of his co-workers? His boss? See if he goes into work today. Did he even make it to work yesterday?
I would give him a stay of execution on the cheating charge until you know that he is not injured or dead. When you find him ask him what is going on & update us.
I really hope nothing happened to him and he is NOT cheating. Once you've established that he is ok you do need to let him know that it is not acceptable to worry you like that. Good luck.
Call in to work and call someone that you trust to come sit with you until you find him. Hopefully its nothing. If it was my DH, I would assume that he couldn't sleep and had gone for a drive. But he would've answered his phone.
If he's still not home, call his work, then the police and then the hospitals. Call his family, his friends.
Make sure he's got an air-tight explaination.
And also her gut reaction that he was cheating when she didn't find his car at work. If this was me and my SO/DH was "missing" without any word from him, I wouldn't jump to the idea that he was cheating - I think I would jump to the conclusion that he had been in an accident or something was terribly wrong.
Agreed.
My opinion changes based on whether he was home when she went to bed at all.
If he hadn't come home yet and she went to bed assuming he'd come home before 3, then I'd be more concerned about an accident and more convinced that this was innocent.
If he was home and left in the middle of the night, my money's on cheating douchebag.
Call the hospitals/police either way, but change the locks with his junk on the porch if it's the second situation.