Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
If your family also lives in Ma...
How often do you see them?
We see my father and the IL's all.the.time. BIL works down the street and comes over on his lunch break or after work AT LEAST twice a week. My father is self employed so he stops by at least once during the week. MIL comes over at least once a week. And almost every weekend, we see my dad and the ILs once (usually my father on Saturday mornings and the ILs do "Sunday dinner").
Don't get me wrong, I love having everyone around. But sometimes I wish we weren't in "dropping by without a text to warn you" proximity to our family.
I am trying to talk DH in to moving to a town that has excellent school systems, but it is 25-30 minutes from our families (as opposed to 5-10). He is resisting and saying that he likes being so close to everyone and we won't see everyone enough 
So how close (geographically) is your family? And how often do you see them?
Re: If your family also lives in Ma...
When we lived there, ILs were 30 minutes away. MIL expected to see everyone at least once a month. IMO, that was too much but I don't have the most awesome IL relationship ever.
She was one of those "celebrate everything individually" people. So every birthday we had to come down there (that is 7 birthdays) then mother's day, father's day, superbowl sunday, etc etc. So we could not just celebrate a birthday and father's day in one visit. We had to make 2 separate trips for those in one month (1 week apart).
I would be fine seeing my parents once a month.
Random drop ins would not be cool, IMO. In fact, I would likely not answer the door lol.
Now, ILs are in MA and my parents are still in AR and we see my parents every 6 weeks and ILs about 2-3x a year. Ahh. That is nice.
My family is in western MA, about an hour and a half away. I used to see them pretty frequently when I first moved here and had a car, but now it's at least 2-3 months between visits. I try to get down there for birthdays, and we spend Christmas eve there, but it's tough without regular access to a car. They come here occasionally, too. I get along well with my family, but honestly, I like that they're far enough away that they can't just pop over for a visit.
My ILs are in NH, about an hour away. We see them every few months as well - mostly birthdays/holidays. They'd never show up unannounced though, thankfully.
My entire extended family is in the greater Boston area. My parents and sisters are a ~45-minute drive away and we see them probably every 2-3 weeks or so. I actually wish they were a little closer because it's a pain to go see them even though they're just across town (~12 miles away--all local roads between us).
The rest of the family (aunts, uncles, cousins) gets together probably every other month or so.
My parents live in OH so we only see them once a year, twice if we're lucky.
MIL lives about 15-20 minutes away. We see her once a week - she comes to church with us every week. Other than that, maybe we'll do dinner with her once every couple weeks.
FIL lives in CT about 1 hour away so we don't see him all that frequently. Once a month or so maybe. He's in sales and is always driving to see clients and he'll sometimes stop by to visit DH at football practice or something if he's in the area. Actually, now that it's football season I'll see DH more frequently since he tries to make it to some of the games.
We live about 15 minutes from my parents and IL's.
I'd day we probably see H's parents at least once a week. H sometimes sees them more often... He does a lot with his dad.
I see my parents maybe once a month, which is pretty sad considering how close we live. H sees them less. Its hard though, because we all have really different work and sleep schedules. I feel like I hardly get to see them.
We are happy being close to everyone and will probably end up moving even closer eventually.
My parents are about 30 minutes away, my grandmother is ~20-25 depending on traffic, and one aunt/uncle/cousins around ~40-45 minutes away.
We see all of them together fairly regularly, almost once a month. The second half the year we see them more often than the beginning. We usually all get together at Easter, in July and September for cousin's bday parties, October for a sh!t ton of birthday within the family, then in November and December for the holidays. We'll see my parents and grandmother on Mother's/Father's Day, but not the whole family.
They never drop in unannounced. GTGs are always planned in advance.
My MIL lives ~1h30-1h40 away in CT and we see her every couple months (except back to back months for the holidays).
Based on what you wrote it sounds like you see them too much. For me there really needs to be a reason to get together, not just oh I'm already down the street. You two need time just you guys and your DS. And 25-30 minutes isn't far at all. It's true your BIL won't be coming over for lunch, but that is so overkill anyways.
Oh ladies, you have made me feel SO much less crazy!!
I honestly don't mind weekly visits. It's the daily visits that are getting to be too much. And people showing up, unannounced, at noon when I am (embarassingly too often) still in my pajamas, covered in cracker crumbs and apple slices in my hair. (I forgot to mention that my Aunt works a MILE down the road, so on nice days she just walks to my house. Again, unannounced).
DH thinks this arrangement is just lovely, and it's just family, so who cares if I have DS's dried oatmeal smeared all over me. Umm... I do. LOL.
Thank god the two towns I'm really trying to push on him have some great homes on the market and much better schools than the town we're in now!
...hello out there!
dx with anovulatory PCOS 2005
off bcp 11/11
a few rounds of clomid and femara... no response.
injectables/IUI 12/12... BFN
Feb 13 IVF cycle converted down to IUI due to low follicle response... BFFN
one last IVF attempt April/May 2013: 19 retrieved. 10 fertilized. 2 transferred in a 3dt. 4 frosties... BFP!!
EDD: 1/21/14... Induced early at 36+6. Our LO was born 12/30/13
Yeah, I would start turning them away. Because they're not going to stop. Next time, just answer the door and say, "I'm sorry, this is a really bad time. I'll give you a call later." And shut the door. Lather, rinse, repeat until they get the message. And I could call them and say, "DS and I enjoy spending time with you, but it would be a much better visit if we were prepared. Could you let us know in advance if you're thinking of coming by?"
Right now? too much... but that is to be expected. They are 45 minutes away.
My parents would love to see us every weekend but that is torture (I love them but seriously, it's just too much). Anyway, we try to see them once a month-- more in the summer but that's when we are in Maine.
I have started telling regular offenders to warn me when they're coming so that I can open the door and and the dog won't bark if the baby is napping. The request has had a 50% success rate.
LadyE - I think that is waaay too much family time. The drop-ins are unacceptable and not fair to you and DS. I bet your H wouldn't think it's all butterflies and rainbows if he was at home during these unannounced lunchtime visits.
I hope that you can talk him into moving to a different town! You'll still be close to family - it's not like you're asking him to move 1hr+ away.
How did the open house go? Any bites yet?
I told FI that if family is going to show up without notice I am just going to start walking around our house naked. Figured that would solve the problem when I start answering the door in my birthday suit.
The open house went well again, but nothing too promising yet. And we haven't had any showings this week
I just want it to be over. It's all too stressful and it's giving me insomnia.
Pre-baby we saw my parents (really just my dad) every 2-3 months. We saw my in-laws 2-3 times a month. We tend to go there more often though. They live about 50-60 minutes away.
NOW- My parents want to come every week. My in-laws want to as well. I worked out with my parents that they can visit every other weekend. My in-laws we will have to see how it goes...I think once I feel comfortable driving to the city to see them they won't be so crazy.
That sounds perfect!