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What do you do or say when your brother changes over the years into a jerk.
over the years my brother went from really nice funny guy into a complete self centered ***. How does this happen? i remember graduating from college 2007 and then my brother left for brazil while putting college on hold, he was suppose to graduate 2 years ago. and now back. he has changed in such a way no one in my family noticed. he fell in love with a woman they purposely got pregnant without knowing how hard it is to raise a child so she could move here to the United States. my nephew is 2 and seems not to be taken cared of at all both my new sister-in-law and bro. im sure they try hard but they let him have soda and and dont watch him (they are both on the computer) my nephew has found coins and has spilled nail polish. my brother also expects my mom to watch him all the time even though she works. when that happens they say "we will be gone for an hour" 3-4hrs later they arrive totally surprised its 11pm and they were gone for so long while my mom has been awake waiting for them. Bro also did that while my aunt and uncle who were visiting they didn't know how to take care of my nephew. OR when we go out as family to a restaurant my SIL my bro and nephew arrive 2 HOURS LATE while we wait for them starving. my bf was with us once was so pissed. my bro just brushes it off....I think next time, we are just going to order and eat as if they weren't coming and pay our own checks when we are done.
he also doesnt listen to my mom or me when we say no, he does it anyway......recently my father passed away and my bro wanted his computer, my mom says "no not in a few days" she had to retrieve files...what does he do? takes my dads apt keys and takes the whole computer without telling her. I had to go to my bro apt and retrieve it and set it up all over again at my dad's because my mom is in tears on how much he takes her for granted. he steals boxes of decorations that were for my aunt. my mom needed help with making my dads funeral pamphlet. he messed it up and laughed it off while my mom had to re-do the whole thing again took hours. i have helped with the pamphlet too and have been stopping by frequently to be with her when im not working. it hurts so much to see my only parent, my mom struggle with our dad and then having my brother be so inconsiderate and thinks everyone should cater to him. Im getting so sick of him, how or what should i say to shake this rude behavior out of him. it literally just passes over his head why we are mad at him for the computer and he's trying to make excuses. my mom and i are worried what is going on with him and his common sense. thanks you for any replies im just so upset because of my mom.
Re: What do you do or say when your brother changes over the years into a jerk.
Of course you shouldn't wait 2 hours for him to show up at a restaurant. You should have ordered, eaten and left. Your mother should have called the cops on your brother when he stole the computer.
He does these things because he gets away with them. Stop letting him.
im with the pp. quit allowing this behavior. if you plan dinner at six, if they dont arrive by six ten go ahead and eat. dont plan around them so much.
as for how they raise your nephew, none of your business. unless they put him in dangerous situations like leaving alone or abuse them its none of your concern.
if your mom keeps watching the child set rules or keep the child overnight, etc
sure they may be jerks but you creating bigger jerks by continuing to allow behaviors.
Even though he is your brother, you aren't required to include him in your life - - especially as much as meeting him for dinner (is he paying his own way, or is someone else treating by the way?).
Keep your distance (even though this means you'll see less of your nephew). If your mom allows him to behave like an a**, that is her problem - don't let her gripe about how terrible he is if she doesn't make consequences for his actions. See your brother only on major holidays (if at all).
If he and SIL arrives and nobody is there anymore, he'll get the picture to show up on time at the next dinner (esp. if he hired a sitter or schlepped his kid all the way to the restaurant).
Considerate people don't turn inconsiderate overnight or even after two years. Either he is a substance abuser, or you just didn't notice what an a** he was before b/c he was so young.
Ditto- he does this because he gets away with it.
He "expects" your mom to babysit? SHe can say no. She can not answer her door when they show up anyhow.
Don't "think" you'll eat without him - DO IT.
WHy does he have SO MUCH power in your lives? Why do you all let him lead? Stop. Just stop!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
say no
set some boundaries and stick to them
you will all be better off
Gretchen Evie, born 7/8/2012 at 35w5d
Wow, isn't that a little harsh. You're thinking about not waiting another 2 hours while he blows you off and lets you pay for his meal when he gets around to it? Are you sure, what if he gets mad?
Before you do anything rash like eating at a restaurant as you planned, hours before he feels like it, why don't you spend some more energy and money trying to fix him? I'm sure you can get him to be the great guy he was a few years ago, when he was a teen, before he blew off college, traveled around, knocked-up his girlfriend and dumped his toddler on his mom.
You can definately fix this. Keep trying. He's about to be grateful and productive any minute. Just try harder.
Is your brother my brother?
No - seriously. I agree w/ others. He acts like this because you put up with it.