Oklahoma Nesties
amidavey06
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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s/o to first kiss and sexual experiences (poll)
I know this question was brought up in the post, but will you tell your children (if you have or will have any) about your experiences? Why or why not?
Re: s/o to first kiss and sexual experiences (poll)
If they ask, I'll tell them. My only experiences were with their dad so I don't really have anything to hide. I'm not particularly proud of some of the things we did, but I'm not going to lie if they ask about it. Obviously I'll keep my answers to their questions age appropriate.
I will! My parents were very good about the sex thing. Whereas my friend's parents told them they would go to hell if they had sex outside of marriage, my parents said that sex before marriage was like test driving a car - you have to do it. I waited MUCH longer than all of my friends before having sex and I think that had a lot to do with my parent's attitude about it - its great, its fun, you will love it, PLEASE wait for the right person/people. They really, really talked to me about teen pregnancy and such and I think that is a big reason why I chose to abstain for so long - and was sooooo sooooo careful - I was terrified of getting pregnant.
SD told DH and I awhile back that "living together before marriage is bad." I kind of laughed at that considering she was conceived, not only out of wedlock but by two people who weren't even dating. I told her that her daddy and I lived together before marriage and that was why we were so happy together and she just looked at me. I am very concerned her mother will raise her to believe that sex is bad, living together before marriage is bad yada yada. The thing is, a kid will do whatever they want...you just need to give them to the tools to make an informed decision - for instance, sex is not bad, please use protection, that sort of thing. Teaching kids that sex is bad and sending them on their merry way does not work.
I don't think I will be explicit by any means, but I will probably be honest about age and all of that. I agree--I wouldn't tell my child he/she would go to heII for it, but neither would I encourage it. And I would teach about safe practices rather then abstinence--if they are going to do it, I would rather it happen in a safe manner.
My mom was semi-candid about certain events in her life (let's face it--I was conceived in a crappy apartment in a college town next to train tracks and behind a Papa John's). And while I don't ever remember her saying "Don't do it," I ended up waiting until I had been in college for a few years. And I'm so very glad I did.
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ETA: and I'll be honest with my kids (I think the not in graphic detail part should be a given, though it's not always) and I'll also tell them what I do and don't regret about my experiences. I will try to arm them with as much information as possible in hopes they will make good choices.
My parents did not give me the sex talk at all. Basically it was don't do it until your married. DH and I have talked about how we will talk to M when she gets older. I made a lot of mistakes in my life because I believe I was not properly prepared on how to handle and what the dangers were if you don't understand anything about it. I will most likely share with M (or any other future kids of ours) what I did. Obviously I won't go into details, but I think it is important for them to know that their parents understand what they are going through.
I seriously thought my parents were perfect since they didn't tell me anything about their experiences growing up. Since they never talked to me about it (sex or anything sex related was very taboo in our house) I thought everything I was feeling or experiencing was wrong. I don't want my child to feel like that.
My parents never talked to us about it, but I learned enough along the way. However, I was a pretty astute child.
I don't feel the need to go into specifics with anyone, even my children, but if they want to know, then they can know that H and I were each others' first and only.
Anytime they want to talk about sex in hypotheticals or in a factual sort of way is all right with me, and I'm sure it would be fine with H. I feel that intimate moments between H and I are just that -- intimate -- and meant only for us.
As the years go on - and all of us will still be nesties, of course - I will have a lot of questions about this - how to discuss this stuff with SD when she is being told something completely different in another household. I guess the easy thing to do is just to agree with what her mother tells her but when it comes to something as important as this...I don't know. Even though she is really young, I have made it VERY clear to SD that the great thing about a stepmother is that she can discuss ANYTHING with me and that since I am not her "real" parent, I can't ever get mad at her. I am hoping this helps with open communication in the future especially when it comes to sex. I worry about this - A LOT.
My strategy is to present my beliefs and values while maintaining my commitment to not ever bash his father to him. I'll be clear that I think my belief system is correct and clear about what I expect from his behavior (this mostly apies to rule differences between our homes more than the current topic of course). I'm sure at some point I'll have to disagree (possibly passionately so) with his dad on something, but for now we've done a good job of working together to present a united front on everyday things.
Argh. I had a whole thing written up, and somehow lost it.
I can relate to all of this, on many levels. BM has drastically different views on all of this than H and I. BM's own mother didn't even have a talk with her about having a period (!!!), and I'm sure BM will take this route with SD, too. It'll be up to H and I to talk to her about sex, if anyone is going to, and our views are so different from BM's, it'll likely start a sh*t storm. I haven't decided how to handle that, yet. I don't believe in lying to SD to appease her mom, but I don't like to incite big arguments, either.
To respond to Ami's original question, I agree with most of you. I'll be honest with my kids - I waited until I was 22 because I was a devout Southern Baptist until 20 or so, but it was with someone I loved at the time. I'll tell them it's something that's great, but only between two people who love and respect each other. I'll definitely go into detail about teen pregnancy and other possible hazards of not being careful.
ITA with Puppy in that premarital sex and living together make for a better marriage in the long-run. If I hadn't lived with a few of my exes, it's scary to think about what might've happened in those relationships.
Oh, I know. This is an extremely slippery slope and VERY NAIVE but she does come to me now. I think I need to use this time and this age when she has very few things to be "mad" about to learn to control myself that way when she gets older her and I can work together. I really, really worry about her getting pregnant as a teen. She is the only female in her family that knows her father so she is certainly "at risk." And I always, always make a point when she tells me something her mother has said to NEVER say anything bad about her mother, such as "SD, I know your mommy lets you wear make up all the time but I just don't think it is very appropriate for you to wear red lipstick and eye shadow to a football game. You look prettier without it anyway." that sort of thing. Its hard!!!
What about masturbation? Did your parents talk to you about it? God, we had WAY too many talks about this.
I'll probably tell him the basics. I don't plan on having a lot of detail. I'm not going to harp about abstinence...I will encourage him to be very careful about sleeping with people and taking it seriously.
I know he will have sex--I don't want him to, but if he is going to do it I might as well help him to go about it in the safest way possible--with lots of talk of protection and to only sleep with someone he really cares about & is in a committed relationship with. It will devastate me if he sleeps around and is a dog.